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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rude work emails

56 replies

OhDear2200 · 31/03/2019 17:33

How do you deal with rude emails? When I mean rude I mean abrupt with no please and thank yous.

I’ve just checked my work email in preparation for the week ahead. And received an email from someone outside of my organisation who had asked me to do something for a mutual client (in public sector). I had initially said yes but that due to my work load it was a low priority and would not be done for some time. Then we had a procedural change, which I notified him of and said I would get back to him as I could no longer do what I had originally agreed.

I’ve not yet got back to him (it’s been one week) and he’s sent me a email with no ‘dear OhDear’ sorry to chase but I was wondering etc.

It’s - Where is what you promised me. You do know I’m on a tight deadline.

No ‘yours sincerely’ or a thank you.

This is from a professional person, a clicallu trained, profession.

AIBR to think as a fellow professional I should get some politeness. Yes there has been a slight delay (actually there hasn’t as I said I couldn’t do it before Easter) so I can understand a bit of his frustration but even then you can be polite. Surely???

OP posts:

Original poster

OhDear2200 · 31/03/2019 21:02

Somthing - oh come on, so because someone has a different communication style they aren’t rude?

However as it is I did exactly what you suggested - replied in the same tone of voice and very direct about the situation.

I’m not expecting fluffyness expecting a ‘thank you’ at the end of an email!

OP posts:

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 31/03/2019 21:02

Chancer! Love that expression.

Original poster

OhDear2200 · 31/03/2019 21:04

So from the MN advice it turns out I need to be more abrupt in my emails.

On a serious note, perhaps this will save me time!

OP posts:

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 31/03/2019 21:05

I have never signed off a work email with Thank You. No one does,it’d be really odd salutation.

underneaththeash · 31/03/2019 21:06

I don't think he was rude; you said you could do something and then changed your mind. He was probably quite annoyed.
If I'd promised to do something in a professional capacity, I'm make sure it got done.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 31/03/2019 21:06

It’s not necessary to be rude,but not floridly informal or obsequious either

Original poster

OhDear2200 · 31/03/2019 21:07

He can’t throw me under the bus. It’s not my job at all! He asked for a favour and I agreed to do it but in my original email I made it very clear that it was not a priority for me and I would not be able to do it imminently (after Easter).

OP posts:

Original poster

OhDear2200 · 31/03/2019 21:10

I repeate...

There was an email. I responded with yes I can do this but can’t do it till after Easter.
The I sent ANOTHER email to say the procedures have changed I can not guarantee I can do what I originally promised and this is a managerial decision. This email was also followed by a telephone call.

ONE week later I get a curt email from him asking why I’ve not done what he asked.....even though I’ve made it very clear that I can not do it till after Easter!!!!

OP posts:

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 31/03/2019 21:11

Grit my teeth and explain that you already set out your timeline for delivery. Apologise if this is causing concern but you also have your own deadlines that come ahead of this one.

And I’d BCC a manager as well if you think this is the type of person to make things difficult for you.

M4J4 · 31/03/2019 21:12

So from the MN advice it turns out I need to be more abrupt in my emails.

Not abrupt, but brief. As Lipstic

bliminy · 31/03/2019 21:13

On a serious note, perhaps this will save me time!

I had a moment in my last job where I stopped worrying about the tone of my emails being just right, and just focused on getting the message across. It was quite liberating. I got a lot more done and I also noticed that people who emailed me regularly seemed to feel released from the obligation to offer niceties etc and just started being much more short and effective.

M4J4 · 31/03/2019 21:14

He asked for a favour and I agreed to do it but in my original email I made it very clear that it was not a priority for me and I would not be able to do it imminently (after Easter).

Tell him that as he clearly needs the work done urgently, he should ask someone else for the favour, as you don't have the time to prioritise his request due to work obligations.

Original poster

OhDear2200 · 31/03/2019 21:14

Oh and before anyone flames me for promising something I couldn’t deliver processes changed following a crisis (morning to do with me) to cover our organisations back as such. So there was no way I could predict the change was coming.

OP posts:

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 31/03/2019 21:15

Please ignore the terrible grammar in that post!

In light of the cross post I might be tempted to say if it’s causing him worry then it might be better to get someone else to do it for him. Cheeky fucker.

madcatladyforever · 31/03/2019 21:17

Yup. My last job every single bit of trivia email from management was marked high priority with ASAP at the bottom. Most of them extremely low priority given I was busy with high risk actual patients all day long. Really pissed me off.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 31/03/2019 21:19

There's no need to be self-effacing to be polite, women are more prone to it than men. I had to train myself out of doing it.
This is a really good point,well made and worthy of further exploration
Women are socialised to be nice and it can come across too self effacing & dithery
Men are assumed to have more gravitas and are socialised that their opinion matters
So yes I do hear and see women open a dialogue with phrases that are a bit whimsy
Sorry,but..
Can I just say..
Perhaps..
I see and hear men described as decisive, driven
Women described as bossy, authoritative

FiveLittlePigs · 31/03/2019 21:27

I once replied to a very brusque email with a polite explanation of why a certain thing had had to be done only to get an email bollocking - the sender had complained to her manager that I had totally wasted her time by explaining it, as she had only wanted xyz info and not the ins and outs of it.

DailyMailSucksWails · 31/03/2019 21:40

I tend to prefer terse and even blunt emails. Just get on with it. And don't bother signing off but that's another discussion

However, if the situation is escalating to feeling like a conflict, i would go with very polite, direct & professional. But I wouldn't feel resentful. I'd feel amused if they were being ridiculous.

I suppose that with a swift blunt reply you haven't wasted time on the matter.

M4J4 · 31/03/2019 22:35

Women are socialised to be nice and it can come across too self effacing & dithery
Men are assumed to have more gravitas and are socialised that their opinion matters
So yes I do hear and see women open a dialogue with phrases that are a bit whimsy
Sorry,but..
Can I just say..
Perhaps..
I see and hear men described as decisive, driven
Women described as bossy, authoritative

Exactly, Lipstick !

floribunda18 · 31/03/2019 22:42

I was wondering', 'sorry to chase' etc in emails. It's a clear signal to the other person that they're superior to you.

It really isn't. It signifies to anyone reading that you have a basic grasp of a) English and b) manners.

There is no such thing as "fluffy" and "direct" emails. There are successful, well-written, polite emails and rude, poorly written emails that fail in their objective.

stressedoutpa · 31/03/2019 22:44

Match their tone is my motto.

I've worked for plenty of bosses who give one word answers or are very direct. As I got busier and busier I started to understand why. Now my heart always sinks a bit when I was dealing with people who send long frilly emails to convey a small bit of information.

If he has ignored your previous email then just remind him what you said previously and attach a copy of the last email.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 31/03/2019 23:35

I frequently deal with rude emails. Up to a point, the more aggressive the email, the more formal my reply. I find it helps to correct the tone of the whole transaction, and usually the following messages are much more civil.

When I'm writing an email I try to avoid anything that isn't directly relevant but sometimes if I know I'm dealing with someone who gets huffy about missing out the pleasantries then I'll ask how they are and maybe enquire about their families (this is only one sales rep who is much less generous with the discounts and special offers if I keep it strictly business). But usually I just want to order some things, or check on the delivery times for an order and there really isn't any need for chat.

MT2017 · 01/04/2019 21:58

I have never signed off a work email with Thank You. No one does,it’d be really odd salutation.

I do this frequently. Eg:

Hi X

Please can you do x by the end of the day / ensure x is completed / speak to x about xx etc.

Thank you,

How would you suggest I sign off instead?

PCohle · 01/04/2019 22:09

I agree that ending emails with "thanks" or similar is pretty common in my industry.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 01/04/2019 22:13

I don’t suggest how you sign off in the least MT.youre an adult ,you decide
I’m simply telling you in my work no one signs off with thanks

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