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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? Re mothers day

22 replies

OriginalSin · 31/03/2019 13:12

I probably sound really petty but aibu to be miffed that I didn't get a card or even a message off my stepson for mothers day?

Back history - he's an adult with fiance and a baby. We do tonnes of minding while they're at work, bought them all kinds for the baby etc.

DH and his ex split due to her cheating and DH was left with his son, then aged 16. When I met him he was almost bankrupt on the verge of losing their house. Got all his debts sorted out for DH. Bought the ex out to keep a roof over our heads.

Just feel really hurt and pissed off today sorry. I must be like an evil stepmum!
I'm not though!

OP posts:
Bobbycat121 · 31/03/2019 13:14

yabu, surprised you expected him to tbh.

BillywigSting · 31/03/2019 13:15

It sounds like you have done an awful lot for them so I can see why you're upset.
You can get cards for step mum's now too that isn't really an excuse.

Does he see you as a mother figure though if he didn't know you until he was 16?

GreatDuckCookery · 31/03/2019 13:17

I can see why you’re hurt, you sound lovely and like you’ve don’t a lot for him. He may be seeing at as black and white though in that he has a mum. Does he buy you things for birthday or Christmas?

Pieceofpurplesky · 31/03/2019 13:21

You are not his mum. I wouldn't expect one of my SS

BottleOfJameson · 31/03/2019 13:24

I can see why you're hurt it sounds like you've been amazing to DSS and DH But as amazing as you are you're not his mother - you didn't even meet DSS until he was almost grown up, which is probably why you didn't get acard

Alsohuman · 31/03/2019 13:24

Neither of my stepsons or my son remembered. I’m a bit miffed about my son but I’d have been gobstruck to get anything from the others.

GottenGottenGotten · 31/03/2019 13:25

YABU, sorry.

While it would be a nice gesture, you aren't a mother figure in good life, your are his father's other half and he only met you when he was already an adult, or close to it.

Drum2018 · 31/03/2019 13:29

Has he sent you one every other year? Maybe he's focussed on his fiancée this year with having the baby, and just didn't think of sending you a card. In any case the days not over yet. Maybe he'll text you later.

Onceuponacheesecake · 31/03/2019 13:30

Does he consider you a stepmum though? It seems he was quite old when you and your partner got together so surely the dynamic of your relationship isn't really like one of a mother and child?

My mum met her new partner when I was 18. He's amazing and is a grandfather figure to my son who was born after their relationship started but he is in no way a father to me and it wouldn't cross my mind to think of him on father's Day.

treenu · 31/03/2019 13:33

My Dad has a new wife (10 or so years) I would dream of referring to her as a step mum!

She has helped out with things and I'm grateful by that's a bit much.

TheHumbleHawthorn · 31/03/2019 13:34

YABU - you might have fulfilled some roles that are often carried out by a mum or grandmother but your step son is under no obligation to view you that way.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 31/03/2019 13:38

But you are not his mum (he has one of those already) so not sure why he would send you a mothers day card. Yes you have been nice to him and it would be polite for him to say thank you occasionally, like on your birthday or at Christmas.

But today most children are celebrating the people who gave birth to them.

LadyPenelope68 · 31/03/2019 13:41

You're not his Mum though, so I do think UABU.

multiplemum3 · 31/03/2019 13:43

Why would he get you a mothers day card when you're not his mum?

Original poster
OriginalSin · 31/03/2019 13:44

Thanks guys.
I know iabu but just feel crap today.
Yes I was seen by him as stepmum, did all the humdrum stuff washing ironing cooking supporting him thru uni, subsequent periods of unemployment, etc.

His own mum doesn't give a shit, he's said that on many occasions although obvs I've never commented / badmouthed her in any way.

I have pmt hence over emotional. Smile

OP posts:
riotlady · 31/03/2019 14:21

Sorry, I don’t get anything for my stepmum- I get a present for my mum and she gets things from her actual kids.

SinglePringle · 31/03/2019 14:26

YANBU

You can get all manner of ‘Mother’s Day’ cards these days. I’ve seen ‘Thanks for being a brilliant 2nd Mum’ and ‘Thanks for being my Mum, Dad’.

I’d be hurt too.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 31/03/2019 14:29

I don't think you are being especially unreasonable, but if he's generally appreciative of all you have done and do do, then I think you can let this particular omission go.

You haven't said whether he has previously acknowledged you on mother's day...?

studentwithmould · 31/03/2019 14:39

YADNBU - my sister always buys a gift and sends a card for my mum (her step mum) on mothers day. It always makes her day, especially if she gets one that says 'mum' rather than 'step mum'!

bunchoftulipsanddaffs · 31/03/2019 14:43

To be fair, he isn’t your son and he does have a mum.

I think your DH should have covered it for you if you had told him you expected it.

StillMe1 · 31/03/2019 14:52

I got a card, sweets and flowers from my "step" son and family.
I got a text first thing from "step" daughter and a phone caller at lunch time.
I got absolutely no acknowledgement from my own DC or DGC.
I put "step" son & daughter because I am not married to their dad nor do I live with him yet. They have a mother who left them years ago.
I was so thrilled that the "step" kids thought of me, but sorely disappointed with my own DC

Tursiopstruncatus · 31/03/2019 14:54

He might just be finding the whole MD thing incredibly difficult himself, given his relationship with his mum.

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