AIBU to expect an apology from OH

[glorybee101]

NC for this

So, OH has been poorly, lying about the house all week not doing anything. Some indeterminate viral thing. I've been doing the necessary (school run, cooking, etc) around my FT work. This morning I suggested he might feel better if he got up and that lying about all day might not help him feel better.

He snapped back that the what would make him feel better was if I didn't 'have a go' at him 'every time I opened my mouth'. I said 'oh well, I'll shut up then, shall I?'. I haven't spoken to him since. He got up soon after and put some washing on and finished the ironing (I had done everything except his stuff in a fit of childishness ) - so I'm thinking he couldn't have felt that poorly?

I feel like I really want an apology over this remark. But should I just let it blow over (I usually would, but I feel pretty upset). We are visiting my mum tomorrow and I don't really feel like having him along tbh.

WWYD?

I think if he’s been ill all week then he’s probably got cabin fever and you’re probably at the end of your tether as you’re doing everything.

Plus it wasn’t really a very nice thing for you to tell him to get up, likewise he shouldn’t have snapped at you.

Having been mailed for 30 years, there’s no point in anyone sulking. So if I were you I’d go and have a chat with him. We usually start such chats with “we’ve both been twats shall we stop it now”. That usually breaks the ice.

I'm willing to bet "I suggested he might feel better if" was phrased in a very passive-aggressive way.

Neither of you were that kind to each other. I'd let the apology slide, unless you also want to make one.

Well it depends really on whether you have been feeling resentful/angry at him laying around and have let him know that you feel that? If there's truth in what he said then I wouldn't expect an apology and I would let it slide.

He probably got up because he felt criticised/guilty.

I do understand the frustration, I absolutely hate it when dh is ill and I have to do everything solo but it's not his fault after all.

Yeah you are actually. He's not been well and your comment implies he's malingering so I think he is quite within his rights to have been a bit snappy with you and for you to be ignoring him and looking for an apology is ridiculous.

So what happens when you're struggling k down with something viral OP? Do you take to your bed and let him get on with it? Chance would be a fine thing!

From what you’ve described I think YABU. If he has a virus he probably feels crappy and getting up to do stuff won’t actually make him feel better. Of course it’s harder if you’re doing everything yourself, but if he’s actually ill he can’t help it. OTOH if he’s often rude to you or often leaves his share of the housework to you, that’s a different matter!

I've been scratching my head as to why this has upset me so much.

No sniping at him over the week. I was pretty attentive (I thought), making sure he had what he wanted, phoning to see how he was, keeping DC out the way a bit, cancelling an evening out. Nothing amazing (I'm no Flo Nightingale) but the normal stuff OHs would do.

My comment probably did sound a bit passive - agressive to him (it wasn't though). I wasn't suggesting he got up to do stuff just come and sit in the living room with us.

single you may have something there... maybe I'm just feeling a bit unappreciated.

Tomorrow's another day, eh?

In all honesty there has been a bad viral infection going around that’s knocking people for six. All they can do is rest, take fluids and paracetamol. I’ve a few friends who had a week off work with it, and really struggled when they went back, as they still weren’t 100% (teachers, social worker and health visitor). But it is what it is. I think it was probably the way you said it that triggered him.

Sounds like you are both BU. Maybe just go and ask him how he's feeling now? Breaks the ice.

Sounds like you have cabin fever with him stuck on the sofa/bed. Time to have a bit of space from each other. Leave him to it.

OH has finally emerged after about 2 weeks illness.

I kept it all together reasonably well & have been working on my communication skills . Felt suitably chastised by you all...!

I did leave him to it a fair amount - he seemed OK with that LOL.