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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Relationship issues

15 replies

nixmcdix · 30/03/2019 18:57

AIBU to ask my partner to leave my home when we fight because I need time to cool off and when we fight, that's what helps us discuss the issue calmly later. But recently she's told me she feels insecure in my house now because of the amount of times she's been asked to leave and feels like I'm traumatising her by doing this. It's driving me mental and I don't know if I need to change or if she's just being slightly dramatic. AIBU???

OP posts:

Littleduckeggblue · 30/03/2019 18:58

Do you live together?

BadPennyNoBiscuit · 30/03/2019 19:00

You keep asking her to leave and you think she's the one being dramatic?
Yabvu and you are not ready to live with other people. Go for therapy and sort out your anger issues.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 30/03/2019 19:00

Yes, YABU. You are basically banishing her because you had a fight. You need to learn to cope without sending her away.

How on earth would you ever survive in a cohabiting or marital relationship? You wouldn’t be able to send your partner away then.

You are the one that needs to develop appropriate coping strategies.

HarrysOwl · 30/03/2019 19:02

This doesn't sound like a healthy response, at all.

How often do you fight, and what about?

bridgetreilly · 30/03/2019 19:02

Why aren't you the one leaving the house if you're the one who needs space to calm down?

slashlover · 30/03/2019 19:05

But recently she's told me she feels insecure in my house now because of the amount of times she's been asked to leave and feels like I'm traumatising her by doing this.

How often is this happening? If you're asking her to leave a lot then you must be fighting a lot. What would happen if she didn't leave?

Original poster

nixmcdix · 30/03/2019 19:09

OP posts:

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 30/03/2019 19:16

She needs to leave you, full stop. You have anger management issues and you need to get those sorted out. Actually you are a danger to others if you are that volatile.

I bet you're a wall puncher.

LL83 · 30/03/2019 19:19

Cooling off can be a good idea but you should say I am away out/upstairs to clear my head. Not tell her to go.

And it shouldn't happen often.

Tubeworker · 30/03/2019 21:46

yeah that’s nuts. Saying “leave me alone” or “give me some space” would be normal. That’s just saying “I need some privacy to process my feelings” but that usually just means going to different places in the same house.

Saying “get out of the house” is basically saying “when I don’t feel good you don’t have a place here” - which means (and I’m sure she’s thinking) her security depends on your feelings- which are proven unreliable (as are most feelings).

So yes, YABU.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 30/03/2019 21:49

Yeah, sending her away each time you get cross doesn't sound great.

Quartz2208 · 30/03/2019 21:49

Do you live together or does she have her own place

But yes I am surprised she has not left you

CheekyChappy710 · 30/03/2019 21:51

T to the r to the o to the l to the l

SEsofty · 30/03/2019 22:16

Does she live with you?

Surely you be the one to leave?

PregnantSea · 31/03/2019 09:16

I don't agree that you are danger to others if you need time to cool off before you're ready to talk. For goodness sake

But I do find it very strange that you kick her out. If you want half an hour to clear you head before you talk it through then why don't you leave? Just go for a walk, come back and then talk to her. It is unfair to invite her to stay over and then keep kicking her out everytime you get annoyed. I don't think the relationship will last if you keep doing this.

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