Is it possible to maintain a relationship with SIL?

[Biancadelrioisback]

My DB and SIL are going through a messy divorce. What are the chances that I will be able to keep a relationship with her?
We have always been close and she is close with my DS and DH too.

Yes of course. Why are you questioning this?

All our family stayed friends with Sil

How the hell would we know?

@CurtainsOpen 🤣

My not so dbil walked out on his wife last year. I am in contact with her, will be going to stay with her later this year, and she knows she is always welcome with us.

She is the mother of our nephew and niece, and whilst they may be adults, that changes nothing. She has also been a fixture in the family for longer than I have, and she was my bridesmaid.

I have no desire to meet the much younger model that has replaced her.

Do you think your bil would mind? And if he does how would you handle it?
Also how it would work when bil gets a new girlfriend?
Ideally you could and everyone would be adults about it but there’s a fair few threads on step parenting of the new partner finding it hard that their partners family are closer with the ex than they are with them and if it’s messy your bil may want the support of his family and not be keen on the friendship continuing

Yes, it's definitely possible. DH's brother left his first wife (I'll call her Sarah) for someone else. He had 3 kids with someone else and then married her. She's a fucking nightmare but so is he so they're well suited.

I always got on well with Sarah and so did DH (technically she's his SIL, not mine but we still refer to each other as SIL)
DH was especially close to his nephew who was only about 9 when they split up and didn't want to lose touch with him.

15 or so years later and we're still close to Sarah and her son.
Oddly enough they moved house a couple of years ago and now live about 5 minutes away from us.

I understand that the above poster may have their reasons for not meeting “the younger model” but in general you’ll need to be able to accept the next girlfriend and not make her feel compared to his wife

My mother stayed friends with my favorite aunt. They bonded bc they were married to brothers.

Not the same but if you want to be friends, be friends.

Guess it depends on if she wants to know you or not. Some women I know wanted a clean cut break. They even said their in laws were lovely but they didn't want any ties to their Ex (other than their kids)

Thank you. I wanted to hear some positive stories from people who had been able to retain the friendship. Both SIL and I have expressed to each other that we don't want to lose each other, but I was wondering if it will actually be possible.

It's possible, requires effort from all concerned. My DB split from his first partner when she was pregnant, they have one child together (who is now 15). He remarried and had another kid, and they've now separated (she left him). I still go out for drinks with his first ex, we're good friends. I am determined to maintain a good relationship with his more recent ex, even though it may be more superficial (we've never been close) for the sake of all the cousins.

My MIL and FIL had a difficult divorce over 20yrs ago, my MIL is still great friends with her ex-SIL (DH’s aunt) and stays with them all the time, spends Christmas with them etc... It means that DH is still very close to all his cousins which is lovely. Definitely possible!

Definitely possible, different relationship but I still have a good relationship with uncle Barry (not Barry) who was divorced from my aunt when I was a teen. My parents and grandparents do too, my aunt still gets on ok with him too actually

As long as your bil and DH aren’t arseholes it should be very possible

If either of them are it could be tricky

What's DHs relastionship with DB got to do with it?

A lot to some. My two BILs are now estranged because one kept in contact with the others Ex. I personally disagree with the demands separating sibling made. We chose to stay out of all drama and as we weren't ever close to ExSIL just stuck to seeing BIL.