To ask if you have a baby how often your H/P goes out

[RLOU30]

That's all really. Baby is 10 months so not exactly tiny but has always been a bad sleeper/evening screamer.
I've been out once in 10 months which is up to me I guess but my partner isn't active in looking after him in the day time (preparing meals etc) so I don't feel comfortable leaving.

DD is 4 months old.

Daytime - he's at work 4 days in 8 so it's all me then. On off days, he'll have her for a couple of hours so I can go to the dentist/hairdresser or wherever. I am the 'default parent' though as DD is EBF so I time my stuff around her usual nap/feed times.

Evenings - he volunteers twice a week if this fits with work shifts. He may go out for a couple of hours once or twice a month.

I tried going out without her earlier this week but had to come home early (after 2 hours) as she wouldn't take a bottle and was screaming the house down.

My DS is 9 by the time he was 10 months I was back at work and at 9 months I had gone to Germany for a week (work). My DH was always good at being a parent once I went back to work (6m) DH has our DS one full day a week on his own minimum. We didn’t go out much either together or apart in that first year but after so long as DH wasn’t working I had the odd night out and he was the same.
For your DP to be able to parent you have to let him. Give him the baby go for a spa day. Leave instructions if you have to the first couple of times but just until he knows the routine. Turn off your phone. Don’t complain when you come home if he did it all differently.
The issue generally is, imho, it’s hard for mums to relinquish control, let your husband be a parent.

@emwithme your DH should not have called you, your DD won’t even settle with him if you keep coming back to the rescue. My DH would have just soldiered on.

Just so I am completely clear my DH is in no way an angel (no way), he just always viewed parenting as equal without prompting.

Thanks for your replies.
I’m back at work part time as my amazing mum has him for me 3 days a week. I mean out drinking time. So my partner is going out most weekends he works full time so he is out of the house 5:30am-6:30pm which is unavoidable and hard for him but is now going out most Saturdays until 2am with his mates and I just feel stuck doing the lions share. I also wonder with working so many hours why he would want to spend more time away?
I’m probably just being a selfish twat.

He's deliberately spending time out of the house because he recognises how relentless and thankless childcare is and he's decided not to do it. He's the selfish twat.

@geekone he tried soldiering on. When he called, she had been upset for 90 minutes (he normally settles her well when she's mithering) - I could hardly hear him over the screams. He'd tried a bottle (she wouldn't take it), he'd tried a bath, he'd tried rocking and a cuddle, he'd tried putting her down, he tried skin to skin.

So I came home, put her on the boob and she fed. Not calmly at first, she was absolutely distraught. After a few minutes it had calmed to the occasional sob (the kind that just sneaks out a while after you've had a crying fit) and juddery breath. And then she fed and fed and fed...

How long would your husband leave a clearly distressed baby before doing the one thing he knew would make it better?

@LannieDuck
That's what I fear

Sorry OP I get it I do, I don’t think our DS ever cried for me so maybe that made a difference. Still if the baby is being cuddled and is not coming to any harm I don’t think my DH would call me at all, otherwise I would never have been able to go anywhere. Also it helps his case he can go out cause the baby doesn’t need him you can’t cause it needs you. The more your baby (and DH) sees you won’t be there to rescue them the more they will settle into it. Imagine god forbid you had to go into hospital over night? What would your DH do then? He just needs to man up. Sorry.

It won’t get easier if you keep living like this. It will mean you always have the lions share and maybe eventually all the share.

Sorry I realise I am not replying to the OP apologies.

OP though the sentiment is the same. He is avoiding his responsibilities.

Maybe once every 2-3 months. All really close friends live far away as we moved quite rurally so it means at least a night or a weekend away to visit them. He might do that 4-5 weekends a year.

Agree with PPs that he is going out late at the weekend to actively avoid looking after the baby.

Pretty even split between us, and we also have a date night once a month without baby.

Although its different as neither of us really drink drink, so its more an even split of gym time

If he goes to pub to watch football in the day he'll take dd, he's even taken her to a poker evening round a friends house.

We do more evenings with friends at someones house so we just take dd with us.

We've started trying to give each other an evening off a week. I would be upset if my husband was going out drinking every Saturday night, the weekend is the only time he helps in the night! For good reason, I'm on maternity leave and he has work, but still. Once she sleeps more reliably if he wanted Saturday to be his evening off instead I guess he could if he would swap and let me have it sometimes too.
Being a parent is hard sometimes so wanting to blow off steam is understandable, but not at the expense of family time or you getting a break too!