Photos of children

[Ohjustboreoff]

Who is BU? Me or DH?
DH has an unreasonable hatred of Social Media. Doesn't do Facebook or Twitter etc. I've only just managed to get him on WhatsApp. We're talking a man in his early 40's not elderly or a technophobe.
Anyway I have moved around a lot in my life so am not anywhere near family and most of my good friend are miles/countries away, this includes some family. When I had DC's I put a few pictures on FB and DH went mad, saying that he didn't want strangers or peado's looking at pictures of our children. I tried to explain I had the highest security settings and only my friends could see them but it was a firm NO!
So I said ok, no pics on Social Media.
I got a text message from him yesterday saying that he can't believe I've gone against his wishes. I have a KidStart account that DH is linked to and on our DC's accounts I've tagged a picture of them. I've tried to explain that the account is like a bank account and has the same security measure but he is insistent that I remove the picture from online. I've ignored him so far but he's now been in a mood for 2 days.
I've accepted his no social media rule but I think he's BU with the KidStart account and I feel like taking a stand. Thoughts???

He is.

You could, if he'll have it, sit down with him and show him exactly what these things entail. Who can see images posted and who can't. He's worried because he's ignorant.

He's being a prick about it though. Being in a mood for 2 days about it, about something he doesn't and won't try to understand. That's incredibly childish.

@WelcomeToGreenvale I've already sat him down he's not having it. He keeps saying social media but the account isn't so now it looks like online. I haven't even told him the DD's school is on twitter and posts her picture regularly. He'll go crazy. Luckily none of our family or his friends are on Twitter.

What is his issue?

Strangers seeing photos of his kid? You've explained that no one but people you choose can see it. Would it help to let him choose the options?

If his issue is social media in general, idk. I understand being concerned but he's going to struggle when your baby is 13 and wants a Facebook account!!

Does he understand the internet normally? Does he have accounts on forums like this, or for his bank?

Neither of you are unreasonable really, you're just of very different opinions which makes things rather difficult.

FB do own any picture that you share on their website, including ones sent via private messaging, so I think it's understandable to not want to have your kids pictures on there. It's also all very well saying that your security settings mean only friends can see, but peoples accounts do get hacked, and there have many cases of pictures of people's photos being sold off en masse to companies that produce fake social media and dating profiles.

At the same time there are just so many accounts and photos out there, what are the chances of yours being the unlucky ones that got stolen/hacked etc. Not unreasonable to think it's a reasonable risk to take to share photos with family and friends.

You need to talk and find some way around it because people on here agreeing with you doesn't mean that he's wrong either (although moods that last for days and 'going mad' is another story!).

He’s being over cautious
Plus it’s your choice if you want to post as mum

I'm like you with many friends and family scattered around the globe.

I still don't agree he is any more unreasonable than you are.

You have different opinions, both with good reasons although I think you're somewhat naive about just how easy it is to hack online accounts.

Near this in mind - many of the people who develop/own these products DON'T allow their own children to have accounts and don't post their pics online.

Personally I've posted pics but never anything where dd was in any state of undress, nor anything that identified eg what school she went to. And I taught/advised her to do same when she started to have her own accounts, advice which she still follows now at 18. She doesn't have any overly identifying info on her profile like dob, where she works etc that's just sensible precautions.

I've also always had the highest possible security settings and regularly check them (because updates and "improvements" can knock these off without you knowing)

Your dh's stance may be unusual but he's not necessarily wrong.

I certainly NEVER allowed school to use pics of dd, they can't be trusted to keep them secure and it immediately identifies which school they're at (often with helpful full address, maps etc) so on that I actually think you're being very unreasonable

I don't know what a kid start account is. Is it with a bank? Does it require a photo? If so then he's being unreasonable. Does he have any reason to worry so much.

I don't put any photos of my kids online. Anyone that needs to see my kids, sees them in person or I send photos to. I do worry when people put what are funny cute photos of their child at age 8 or whatever, that when the child is 13, the child might not appreciate those photos if they're still online. I know most people do though so I'm the weird one over this.😬 I do think there might be kids in the future being really pissed with their parents at the photos they've chose to put online or videos on YouTube. My teenage son uses social media, I just remind him that whatever photos he posts are potentially there forever but it's his choice now. I do let their schools post their photos on Twitter and school websites but I checked they were OK with that first.

Im starting to err on the side of not liking my kids pics on social media. We lose control of those images and the kids live with the consequences of that.

Why would you need a picture on their Kidstart accounts though?

I am with your DH. Your children's online presence is for them to decide on when they're adults. Not you.

I'm with your DH. I have never posted my children's pictures online until they make the decision for themselves to post their picture online.

Somebody I know posts their children's entire life online - their son having meals, their son sleeping, you name it. They are a friend of a friend and have bad privacy settings and if I wanted to I could view so much of their lives because they overshare constantly. I blocked them in the end because it got irritating.

@Hazel95 Maybe you could discuss your PE in your pants pics with the two male colleagues you and your female colleague are currently being ‘forced’ to share a room with 🤔

To be fair, @Hazel95 has just proved your husband’s point - there are some revolting perves online who get off on just about anything....

Me and DH agree that we don’t want pictures of our twins online when they’re not old enough to even know what the internet is. That being said we have had to our explain that to their grandparents, including two Facebook obsessed very proud grandmothers - it’s been difficult as they feel we’re unreasonable and we don’t, but we don’t want to fall out about it. So we have a sort of unspoken agreement of appropriate photos (I.e fully clothed) shared occasionally for updates to wider family, usually of specific events like Easter, Birthday, Christmas etc.

I’m still wary of this, but I’m glad we spoke of it openly and yes compromise was made, but that’s what most relationships need right? I hope you and your OH can come to a compromise when he stops throwing his man-tantrum.

The school posts photos of kids on Twitter? Are you sure? That doesn’t sound right at all. We’re you asked to sign something to give your permission?

Hello, everyone sorry I disappeared. Life!
Thanks for all your replies. It seams like an even split on for and against online pics. If you have up to date security I don't see the harm and I did know about FB owning all the pictures.
KidStart is like a bank account/cash back site and has security.
I have agreed with DH not to post pics on social media as I know the types of people out there.
I just think he's being VU with the whole thing. Everyone's online presence is just going to get bigger that's progress.
I only have MN, FB and only recently Twitter.

Everyone's online presence is just going to get bigger that's progress.

And it shows be your children who decide if they want an online presence. Not you. Your dh is right.

Should - not shows.

I agree with your DH on this surely wait until your children are old enough to decide for themselves. I wouldn’t like any one putting pics of me on their Facebook account and I’m old. School putting photos on Twitter that’s a firm no from me too. Why are school even on Twitter.
I am very out the loop with all this I’ll frrely admit that.

I'm a photographer by trade and I can easily look at a few competitors blogs/social media and establish a child's name, siblings names, pet's name, parents names, names of the wider relatives. In a few cases they'll have been photographed in their homes and I may even know what their beautifully decorated bedrooms are like. In a relatively small community it's obvious what schools they go to and it's so obviously dangerous. I know you've taken precautions already but I sympathize with your husband.

surely wait until your children are old enough to decide for themselves.

^as pp said. You may have high settings but it doesn’t stop any of your friends copying pic & re posting for whatever reason.

With regards to schools and children's pictures, I would guess most schools now have websites, and all those sites feature pictures of children. A school website without pictures of children would be an odd concept. None of the children are identified, and I doubt many of them have sought permission from parents to put their children's pictures on there.

As for Twitter, again, most of the local schools have Twitter accounts, and post pictures of sports tournaments, trips, school activities etc.

I am possibly in the minority, but I personally don't have a problem with it.

I'm with your DH here. We've had 2 people upload photos of our DS without our permission after making the conscious decision he was not going to be on there. We share lots of photos via WhatsApp with family & friends. It's not just the strangers/paedos argument as we also have high security settings, it's the increasing use of facial recognition technology, leaving a digital footprint so early and the legacy of his baby/embarrassing pics on FB when hes older. The younger generation are becoming increasingly savvy about online privacy and there are those who aren't sharing photos online, I cant make that decision for my future grown up DS.

Apple Martin tells off mother Gwyneth Paltrow for sharing photo without consent

www.theguardian.com/film/2019/mar/29/apple-martin-tells-mother-gwyneth-paltrow-off-for-sharing-photo-without-consent?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Copy_to_clipboard

I'm with your DH. We don't post any pictures of our DD online. What she chooses to have about herself on the internet will be her decision to make when she's of an appropriate age.

I have people on FB who share every little detail about their kids lives, even down to hospital check ins. Their whole life from the first scan to now has been meticulously documented online and shared with their parents wider circle. I wouldn't like to be confronted with that.

We tend to go with the opinion of the more cautious parent. Unless both parents are happy it doesn't happen.

I don't know why you would "make a stand" about them having a photo only you can see. What do you or they gain from it? Seems a daft thing to fight about. There's no harm in taking a more conservative line on this.