AIBU to feel huge amounts of anxiety over a child’s party?

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I feel really stupid but I’m having severe anxiety over going to my son’s class mates birthday party tomorrow, I couldn’t tell you why though? I’m not sleeping and I’m constantly worried about it.

It may stem from the last party I took him to and I didn’t really know anybody and I sat like a lemon on my own whilst the other Mums all chatted, I tried to join in but it was such hard work as they didn’t seem to want to engage with me. I have turned down two invites already but felt I couldn’t turn down anymore as it felt unfair on my son.

Does anybody else dread soft play parties when they suffer from anxiety?

NC as I feel really daft.

Yes, many times but did it for the kids!

I'm exactly the same missed 1 due to it no idea why. I feel horrid for my dc missing out but I really can't put my finger on it, it keeps me up

How old is your son? I personally find it unfair that you turn down invitations for him.

Could you drop him off and collect? Around year 1 most parents did this. I (or DH) stayed but that was for DD's health reason, not because I thought I had to or because talking to other mums is so great.

I don't feel anxious about it but do always feel bad after parties....because I also sit like a lemon. Or otherwise try too hard to get the mums to like me lol and then regret things I say. I think the only reason I don't get anxiety about them is my son is usually so excited so I look forward to them on his behalf.

I’m the same. I found them so stressful. So glad I don’t have to do them anymore! What age is your DC?

I felt like that recently. I ended up making myself busy to give me something to do and stop me feeling so odd. I didn't offer I just said 'I'll wash this up' and cleaned the table etc. Though only works in a church hall type event! The rest of the time I just thought sod it and sat on my phone

Don't feel daft, I hear you re. soft play parties. It's harder when they are younger and you are forced to make awkward small talk over beige buffet. Avoiding won't help your anxiety so well done on agreeing to go to this one.

Something that might help are seeing if the host needs any help with anything (being busy will make the time go faster if nothing else). The dynamic of this party might well be different and there could be another mum who doesn't know anyone - might be easier to start a converastion with one person rather than a group. Or, just bring a book, phone, whatever, and spend 45 mins doing your own thing - no one says you have to be chatty just because your kids at a party.

Have you spoken to your GP? DEfinitely worth it if your anxiety is getting int he way of life.

Finally, soft play parties stop at about 6 and it becomes acceptable to "drop off" around then too!

He’s just turned 5, I can’t wait till I can drop and run. It’s nice to know I’m not alone I also know it’s utterly ridiculous.

@reluctantbrit I do feel guilty about turning invites down and that’s why I have accepted this one.

Don't know really, I have 2 DC so have done fair share of parties. I'm not sociable really and only speak to a handful of parents, some just to say hello and that's it. I've never felt that anxious, if there's no one I know I can chat to, I'm happy to just sit alone and watch but that's because I have no expectations to make friends with other parents (I have incidentally but only after years and favours exchanged). Just see them as acquaintances, say hello, get a coffee and just grab a magazine or something. Don't overthink it.

I go prepared with a couple of magazines, that way if nobody wants to chat I can get lost in gossip and trashy stories. I get myself a coffee and cake too. I just appear to be taking advantage of the kids being entertained, and to be honest, I quite enjoy it now!

What's to be anxious about.? Just enjoy watching him have fun with his mates.

Just keep chatting, be helpful, help hand out party food and juice. Text party mum after to say thank you.

Oh and offer anyone else a coffee when getting yourself one. Just chat about anything and everything.

Oh you're no alone! I'm sure many parents feel the same.

I would say just saying a few other things to the other parents who are sitting on their own can really help. The other week I was just sat feeling really lonely and asked another mum also sitting by herself if she knew anyone else - which she didn't, if children in same class etc. Then had a lovely little chat among ourselves about how they were settling into school!
Or also offering to help or just getting stuck in passing round the sandwiches/ bowls of crisps, helping crying children etc... Keep an eye on what's going on, if the host is looking a bit flustered and busy. Some kids aren't that confident in big softplay type/ noisy/ busy parties either, and so helping them out can help you both enjoy it!

It's certainly not unusual to not enjoy any social situations where you don't the other people well x

I know how you feel. Sometimes I like to take a notebook to keep me occupied and write random things like house jobs that need doing, books I'd like to read, birthdays coming up and what I could buy... If anyone notices you on your own they'll just think you're being busy and important

Also, just look at your DSs happy face and concentrate on that - that's what it's all for. The thought of it will be worse than actually doing it, it usually is.

From this snapshot it sounds like you need to take a bit of responsibility too. You had what you say as a negative experience and so turned down a further two parties. Maybe they just make more effort to chat to each other? No one starts being school mum friends- it evolves. And whilst we are at the once in a while we'll have a coffee together stage, it's not cliquey. I think sometimes people project their own feelings of anxiety into a situation when there isn't a reason to.

I hate them too. I’m also at one tomorrow and I know I will up sat on my own, and probably fighting back tears for most of it.
I feel your pain

My dc have always preferred me to leave them, despite one of them having quite severe anxiety. I’m sure I left them from age 4, once they were at school all day (having checked with the hosts first).

Surely you have a very important work assignment that means you will have to take your laptop with you to the party.

I don't like going to parties either for the same reason. I know very few of the mums from DS class well as I am one of a very few who work full time so DH does pick up and drop off. Almost all the mums are either SAHM or p/t so know each other well.

I always go though for ds sake because he loves his little friends and I don't want him to miss out. I take my phone to mumsnet or a good book and enjoy a coffee!

YANBU it can be so awkward. Very originally I stare at my phone like it has this week's lottery numbers on. I think it gets better the more you go to.

I was at a school nursery party last weekend which was at a large gymnastics type place with trampolines and big soft play equipment so the 3-4yr olds needed supervised. I just wandered round keeping an eye on my son and most mams were friendly to be honest. None of them really knew each other. I just spoke to lots of different people.

Ask them about themselves, people live to talk about themselves.