Seeing more and more of pil

[LastHalfStone]

I like my pil, we’re not super close but we get on well. Since the birth of DS now 10 months old, my husband has been wanting to spend more and more time with his parents. I understand he wants them to have a close relationship, but we don’t spend that much time with my parents! I suppose I can see from this extra time that DS is more comfortable with his parents, and I want him to have that relationship with mine, who are equally lovely. It’s causing resentment in me and coming across to him that I don’t want to see his parents, which isn’t the case.

Also I’d like to spend a bit of time each weekend with our parents, but mostly prioritise time as the three of us. But he doesn’t seem bothered by that, instead suggesting spending hours with his parents on a weekend.

I know it’s a good thing he wants to see them and I only hope my DS wants to see us when he’s all grown up! So I shouldn’t feel too annoyed, but I do. Perhaps I’m being unreasonable and am fully willing to be told that I am.

So aibu to feel this way? And either way, how can I resolve this with my marriage intact and happy?

Yes my children see their grandfathers 2 x per year. Its quite sufficient. I'm Nc with my mother so they haven't seen her for 8 years.

You need to start standing up for yourself a bit more tbh. I think a fair compromise would be...

Weekend 1 - His parents
Weekend 2 - No parents
Weekend 3 - Your parents
Weekend 4 - No parents

If he wants to see his parents more often suggest he takes DS once a week in the evening for tea. Alternatively he could go by himself on your parents weekends. Stand up for yourself and stop putting up with this nonsense.

I feel quite lucky that my husband refused to live his parents side of town because in his words "we'd never see the end of them!". (Before anyone decides that I wouldn't like any child of mine to feel that way about me, DH warned me that his mum has a tendency to want everything to revolve around her direct family to the exclusion of others - e.g. his dad socialises only with her family for special occasions, not his own - he had to sneak in seeing them etc - so she has form!)

Besides family time, how do you and they get anything done if you're visiting all the time? I'm enjoying a brief window of freedom in a sea of visits this March and April, and there's just so much gardening and diy, let alone normal housework! No kids needed to make every weekend too much!

If he is not going to listen to a fair division of time or play fairly then you need to make arrangements with yours and get in first, or make plans and inform him of them, plans that don't involve his parents.

So your husband wants to see his parents every weekend and that overrides your feelings? Is that the behaviour you would want your son to copy as he grows?

Very unfair on you and your family unit who also need time together just to chill. Your son is not a toy or whatever, they don’t have a right to demand you make yourself available to them whenever they want.

He won't go 2 weeks without seeing his parents? How old is he? 12? It's ridiculous and you should start to insist on not only seeing your parents more often, but some weekends seeing neither and having family time at home.

It will have to stay as seeing them all every weekend, I don’t think he’d even consider every other week to be honest.

So you're just giving in, letting him have his own way? It's irrelevant what he'd even consider - this is your life too and you should have an equal say but you seem unwilling or unable to even consider it.

Add up all the time you spend together, you and the baby spends with his parents, and you all spend with your parents. Likely they spend more time with baby than he does. Show him the totals and ask how is it fair to baby, to you, to your marriage, even to him and to your parents? Explain you didn't have a baby for his parents and you do not intend to live this way forever. When baby starts at school how will you manage all these hours at his parents unless you share custody? Where are these massive expectations coming from? They have baby during the week and on the weekend? You will become more and more resentful until he realizes that his weekends should be with his nuclear family with only occasional visits to the inlaws.