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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to get upset?

16 replies

Spaceunicorn6789 · 29/03/2019 11:19

My best friend told me she is trying for a baby. From conversations in the past I had gathered that she didn't want children, at least not any time soon.

Okay, great - little bit selfishly gutted that my only childless friend is also jumping on the baby bandwagon but genuinely happy for her as well (didn't let her know anything apart from OMG that's amazing news etc)

Then I got weird and teary. Because, I don't want children. It's not for me and I very much doubt I'll ever change my mind. But I have now started to think that there's something wrong with me - I'm missing something. That thing that women must have that makes them think BING I want children. I don't have that. I've never felt that. WHY?!?! Is my maternal instinct broken?

I get broody... When I see a puppy and desperately want another dog but absolutely no feelings whatsoever when holding a baby.

OP posts:
RoboticSealpup · 29/03/2019 11:21

How old are you? I didn't get the craving until I was about thirty. Saying that, some women never do and there's nothing wrong with that!

AryaStarkWolf · 29/03/2019 11:21

You are being very very unreasonable for thinking that about your friend but I don't see anything wrong with not wanting kids. Why are you upset about that?

Original poster
Spaceunicorn6789 · 29/03/2019 11:23

Nearing mid 30s so not young!!

I know there is nothing wrong with not wanting them at all but why don't I? I can only think I'm missing some magic little baby hormone that bleeps in at a certain time in your life?!

OP posts:
Karigan195 · 29/03/2019 11:25

Christ almighty people are supposed to police their thoughts and emotions now! Get real. OP would be unreasonable to say something or act on it not a thought that’s probably emotion based.

No you aren’t broken OP. Walk in a forest and every tree grows differently. Same way every human is different. You aren’t expected to be the same and think the same and feel the same and you don’t have to

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 29/03/2019 11:28

I can only think I'm missing some magic little baby hormone that bleeps in at a certain time in your life?!

That'd be round about the time your eggs start to perish. The realisation you cant have something as opposed to dont want something is a massive trigger for some people

outpinked · 29/03/2019 11:29

Not broken, you’re perfectly normal and fine. Everyone is different, you don’t need to have children to feel fulfilled.

ems137 · 29/03/2019 11:30

Both of my auntys on my dads side have never had children, they loved us nieces and nephews when we were small but just had no desire to have their own. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that choice.

One of my aunts has recently bought a nice motor home and travels with her job, so instead of staying in hotels but having an empty house she just moves on in her motorhome. I think it's such a free and easy way of life for her. She is very happy (and not at all tired from nocturnal toddlers 😡), well that's me projecting the last bit.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 29/03/2019 11:38

I'm the same! I have two dogs and coo over other dogs I see on my walks or travels. I have never felt this about children. My partner's friends have recently had a baby and I haven't yearned to hold her. I'm not sure if that feeling will ever come but it doesn't mean you're broken! Smile it's just not that important to have children for some women and that is absolutely ok.

AryaStarkWolf · 29/03/2019 11:40

I know there is nothing wrong with not wanting them at all but why don't I? I can only think I'm missing some magic little baby hormone that bleeps in at a certain time in your life?!

tbh the world would be a much better place if people really thought harder about having kids and whether it would really suit them. I adore my kids don't get me wrong but having kids is hard work, really expensive and completely life altering. Don't feel bad for not wanting kids!

MyKingdomForBrie · 29/03/2019 11:41

Be grateful that your life is your own and will remain so! I mean I'm being a little flippant but there are so many advantages to a child free lifestyle, I adore my babies but I had them because I had the urge and I miss a lot about being child free.

AryaStarkWolf · 29/03/2019 11:41

Christ almighty people are supposed to police their thoughts and emotions now! Get real.

That's not exactly what I meant but I'm sure you know that anyway ffs

Chloemol · 29/03/2019 12:48

I have never wanted kids and an mid 50s now and never regretted it. Have lovely nephews, spent a lot of time with them when they were kids doing all the nice stuff, then handed them back. I have godchildren as well, just never wanted my own, some people dont so don’t worry about it

NoAprilFool · 29/03/2019 12:51

I don’t have any desire to have a dog. At all, ever. I don’t dislike them, just don’t want one.

There is nothing wrong with you not wanting a child, any more than there is with me not wanting a dog.

ScreamingValenta · 29/03/2019 12:52

Not everyone has a strong maternal instinct, OP. It doesn't make you abnormal. It's society's expectations that conspire to make you think something is wrong with you if you don't want children, nothing else.

QuiFaitCa · 07/06/2019 13:40

Don't worry about it at all. Who knows, you might feel different later. I didn't ever feel broody but we did have children after weighing up pros and cons - my husband wanted children but I probably wouldn't have had any if he didn't. Thank goodness I love them and I never regretted it! But I can totally imagine a satisfying child free life. You might be going through a wistful 'what if' moment, but certainly don't feel worried that you don't feel that way.

Bluebell878275 · 07/06/2019 13:46

Blimey - I think it's natural population control. There is nothing wrong with you at all.

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