To wonder if you can bully proof your life...especially at work?

[malificent7]

I start a work placement as a student next week. I'm excited but a bit anxious as i have been bullied in previous jobs ( teachng.) Not all roles but some.
Anyway my lecturer reassuringly quipped that bullying in the nhs is rife. Aggggrrr.
How does one bullyproof their life? Do i have to be a hard bitch to succeed or do i need to shcmooze and kiss arse?
My mum was bullied badly by a seniour manager and died 1 year later of cancer so i know how awful the problem is.
As you can probably tell, i find workplace politics hard.
Also, why is bullying such a problem? How do they get away with it?

I always thought I was fine as I’m very thick skinned and most things fly over my head, I don’t tend to find I have time to care about what others think etc.. Last year I got ‘bullied’ by my boss at work for having bipolar disorder, it ironically made my mental health worse and I walked out mid panic attack, threw up all over the car park and never went back.. sometimes there’s just no getting around it op, sorry! :( good luck and do try your hardest to let things go over your head!

If it helps I think I’m an easy target as I can be fairly antisocial, I’m not out to make friends I have plenty already, I speak my mind when it’s about something I’m passionate about (things like DA and discrimination) and I like facts so I use these and people think I’m trying to be a smarmy smart arse and mostly none of that stuff bothers me so they just think I’m weird as fuck. Like I say it mostly doesn’t bother me though, I sort of hit 25 and thought fuck itttt I’ve got three kids at home an amazing partner and I’m happy with who I am, who cares if people don’t like who I am!
Hope that helps a little bit?

I think bullying gets less of a problem as you get older. In my working career when i was in my 20s it seemed there were lots of older people about who liked to lord it over the younger ones. I grew a thick skin and literally drew the line at any bullying, sticking up for fellow colleagues and standing up to anyone who would try and abuse their power. It works. I can tell you that bullies are little cowards underneath. It takes only a little comment here and there or a little pause and a look to rattle them. People do find me intimidating now, though, which can actually be helpful in some ways. Honestly, just be yourself. Let stuff go. And also give people the benefit of the doubt because it can be strssful being a manager and sometimes they are probably just doing their job and don’t mean for you take stuff personally.

@thedark. You sound just like i am at work!

Yeah, don't be kind. People will take advantage.

Don't give too much away. Walk confidently.
Be yourself. This gets easier as you get older.

Don't try and hide your history I. E. Expensive school. People can smell a lie a mile away. Likewise weakness.

Figure out who is who, and then who is REALLY who. This may take time. Better to figure this out than fuck up.

Don't bitch to your work colleagues about your other work colleagues. They will tell each other.

ALWAYS double check who you are emailing and what you are saying. Think because you press send.

Conversations online cannot be erased, spoken ones can.

Sorry I'm sounding so fucking cryptic all the time!

Just best to go to work and work. Stay professional and don’t get personally involved with people. I got taken out by my boss when i was working in an agency a few years back because she was concerned i didn’t have any friends! FFS i was there to work not socialise. I had loads of friends, just not at work. Also day goes much quicker when beavering away and not wasting time chatting. So much more rewarding.

Really interesting responses on this thread.
I would say don't shmooze just he polite. Develop a thick skin. Be confident and work hard. Don't be emotional at work - be professional. Don't get involved in gossip and don't bitch. Everyone knows everyone!
The no. 1 rule for being bullyproof is to realise it's the bully who is wrong and something is wrong with THEIR life, not yours.
Sorry for the loss of your mum .
Also good luck I hope it goes well.

Like everyone I’ve experienced/witnessed bullying throughout my life, but it was never such a problem as it’s been in my current workplace. The culture promotes bullying. It’s covert, overt... doesn’t matter. I was targeted by a couple of bullies working in collusion from day one. Only way out was to change jobs within the company. I quickly found the whole place was riddled with bullies, but those two set the tone for me and I guess word got out that I was an easy target. It’s followed me wherever I move. There have been some staff movements lately that have separated bullies and made my job less stressful, but I think it’s hard to turn things around within a workplace once they get you the first place.

In retrospect, I wish I had kept my guard up from day one. Been assertive and confident in knowing my experience, skill and work ethic more than fulfilled the requirements of the role. You need to set the standard from the beginning because any time you start a new job it gives people hope they can step on you to move up. But you’re in a great position, OP, because you start with a clean slate. Only write what you want on it and that will define you as an employee. Good luck!

I think though although brilliant advice this is a placement that requires being signed off as competent to go forward with I’m assuming nursing training so it’s very different than a normal workplace .
OP I’m a nurse , I have just supported my daughter through all her placements and actually even the ones she was really fearful about as she had heard they were horrible to students she survived ! And got a job in her last management placement . It’s honestly smile , be on time and be useful if there is a hint off bullying speak to the uni and get it sorted ,you are there to learn and progress and you should feel supported within that . It’s always nerve racking but there are always folk who are hopefully like me nice to people and want them to do well.

You can't bully-proof your life because they are doing it to you and they like it.

All the advice upthread about confidence, attitude, etc is well meaning, but puts the onus on you to adopt deflecting behaviours. Sadly, they are not bully-proof.

You have to prepared to be an arse, put it in writing/call it for what it is. And take the consequences, which may not be pleasant. Join a union. Keep records.

Anyone who knows me in RL would say I take no shit, am confident in personal presentation, and know my stuff, yet I can think of only one of the educational institutions I have been employed, where I have not been personally bullied (never mind the bullying of employees collectively).

Why do bullies bully? It's like asking why dogs lick their genitals. Because they can.

I'm another who works in the NHS and can confirm bullying is rife - we get monthly emails about diversity and equality, everyone should speak up etc but in my experience too much leeway is given to the bully - in September my BCN was basically assaulted while getting undressed and we've had to witness her behaviour getting more aggressive - 6 months late and she's finally being taken to a tribunal and we've still had to work with her.