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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed with my male friend

5 replies

Eslteacher06 · 28/03/2019 17:32

So as not to drip feed: My husband has a group of friends with varying degrees of common decency. I hang out with them purely because they are my DPs oldest friends. I am low contact and I'm ok with that. One particular friend cut the group off because they were gossiping behind his back as one of them had a drunken kiss with his wife and the situation was blamed on her. He decided to stay with the wife but blocked them all on FB and has put indirect rants on there about it over the months.

I supported this friend and stuck by him because I could see the group treated him unfairly. Listened to him as he talked about how upset he was and gave advice. I was going through my own problems with my family and decided to focus on them but he kept making comments that I had backed off and I told him it wasn't personal. I was starting to find him draining as he kept trying to get me to do things I didn't want to do (ie. He invited his wife who I barely know to a night out for my birthday with an old friend. I could have said no, but I felt he backed me into a corner. I felt I was constantly telling him no).

DP went for a night out with this group and got completely wasted. I replied to a comment on FB about the state he got in, and the friend commented he finally got a chance to go out. I was irritated because he implied I stop DP - I don't and I said words to that affect. It was clear I was upset. He then said 'ohhh the pregnancy hormones are in full force'. I was really annoyed by this because I find it patronising. I said to stop making mysogynistic comments. He then put a massive rant saying I was rude, I can 'do one' and how dare I say that. And my life has 'fuck all' to do with him.

After all I have done for him, I feel this is a slap in the face. Especially as it was all over one of the group's FB page (I know, I know! FB is known for misinterpretation)

I haven't contacted him since but he contacted me last night to ask how I was, pretending as if nothing happened. When I said I backed off because he told me to 'do one', he said I was as bad as him. I don't agree but I apologised for calling him mysogynistic but said it was chauvinistic. I feel he tried to belittle me.

I know some may say this is a childish argument, but am I being unreasonable? Was I as bad as him?

OP posts:
Eslteacher06 · 28/03/2019 17:32

Crikey that's long....sorry!

OP posts:
Nearlythere1 · 28/03/2019 17:52

No you're not being unreasonable. Just block him, he doesn't sound like he's adding anything to your life despite you having added much to his.

Leeds2 · 28/03/2019 17:55

I would just block him, and get on with your life without him.

TooTrueToBeGood · 28/03/2019 18:00

It's really not a hard problem. Your life will not be remotely impaired if you cut him out of it. Friends are meant to enrich us, not make us constantly question our own sanity.

Eslteacher06 · 28/03/2019 18:09

Thanks for the comments. That's how I was thinking but it complicated things when he is also friends with my DP. I start to doubt my decision thinking maybe I'm being too harsh or stubborn. I dunno... I've always stuck by people even when they are toxic and only realised that after. It's like my default position!

OP posts:
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