AIBU to not want another dog

[SabrinaTheTeenageBitch]

DH is a complete dog lover. I am very much not. When we moved in together he persuaded me to get a dog which I did and I tolerated but I never 'got it' Im resigned to the fact that im just not a dog lover and never will be

DDog has since passed away and although I was sad and the house does feel odd without her I'm really not keen on getting another. DH keeps bringing up the idea and getting annoyed when I refuse, asking me for 'reasons' etc but apparently just not wanting one isn't enough.

For reference DH works nights and is in bed all day so 5 days out of 7 dog would be pretty much my responsibility, I couldn't just let it be 'his dog'

My parents had a dog before they had me. We never went on holiday until I was 13 after dog had died because they wouldn't put dog into kennels. Don't get me wrong, I loved that dog. As soon as we got back from that holiday they got another dog. So, until I moved out in my early 20s, I only spent eight months dog free.

I love dogs but not sure I would ever own one myself. I wouldn't have the time to give to it and that's not fair.

I get you OP. I love dogs. Had to have ours pts last October and miss her still. However she was old and a lot of work due to various health conditions. Although I would love another one at some stage I have to admit I am enjoying the freedom of not having one at the moment.

We now have a puppy.

I am 53 and only now am I in a position to give it all the attention it needs. I have always wanted a dog. DH likes them but is not here enough to be involved in its upkeep, training etc, so I had to wait until I was!

Your DH needs to take on board the changes in his life/work and the impact that would have on any dog you get. When he is honest with himself he should see that he is being unreasonable as what he really wants is for you to have a dog for him.

I love the idea of a dog but would hate the practicalities of it
I’m with you op
It would be no dog for me

I agree, don't get one. I love my two but they're tying and hard work. I'm not a cat person. We had one before we could have a dog, and she was looked after and I fussed her but - I don't get cats. She pissed me off in ways that my dogs just don't. I missed her when she died but I didn't, and still don't want another. DD is desperate for a cat. But as I'd be the one doing everything when the novelty wears off, it's a no. One of the dogs is 'hers' however, I was well aware of what I was getting into and don't resent it at all. With a cat I absolutely would.

On another note, why does dh working nights means he couldn't do anything with the dog? I work nights and mine get two short walks (small dogs) and I do most things for them. DD does do it if I'm in bed but generally I walk them at least in the morning, let them out midday etc.

Could your DH not walk the dog before he goes to bed for the day, I know someone who does this, if he is so desperate to have a dog he should plan how he will walk it.

Agree with PPs that it doesn't sound practical for you to get another dog. I absolutely adore dogs and I would love to have one, but it doesn't suit our lifestyle at the moment so I won't be getting one. You have to think about these things logically. Dogs live a long time.

A puppy is tough going and he's expecting you to do the majority of the work, not on at all. I wanted a cat my DH didn't but he said if I wanted it get it but it's my cat and he's not sharing the responsibility of it, which is fair enough, I feed him, change his litter, bath him if he gets dirty etc (tbf to DH he will look after him if I'm away etc) Your DH is being selfish

I couldn’t imagine life without a dog and it would be a Ltb issue for DH to now allow me to have one (or two!)

However I don’t expect DH to do anything with them at all.

I don’t think he would be happy to look after my dogs 5d per week either.

I totally agree with what BrilliantIdiot says! I utterly adore my dog but he does add another level of complexity to life. Wouldn’t be without him. Cats, on the other hand.....I just don’t get it!!

What I would point out to your husband is that this is totally unfair. Previously, you didn’t want a dog but he did....so you got a dog. Now the situation arises again so its your turn to have it your way therefore...no dog. Why does he always get his own way (esp when you are going to be doing the grunt work?).

Very similar to if one of you wanted a baby and the other didn't. The one who doesn't trumps the other. Don't get a dog!

@SabrinaTheTeenageBitch another dog lover here who completely gets your point of view. We had two lovely labradors, one inOct 04 and one Feb 05. Both adored by whole family. When my marriage broke down in 2015 dogs stayed with me and I got the increased work as they got older. Fortunately they could stay at my parents while I was at work but even with 3 teenagers at home it was me who did 80% of the work looking after them.

We had one PTS Nov 17 and the other May 18 and I do miss them in the house. BUT I don't miss the freedom that not having them is giving me!! I can go away for the night or even a weekend without having to transport them and their kit to my parents! I can go out after work and not have to rush back to take them out or feed them. I don't have to go outside and walk them in the cold and rain although I do rather miss having to go for a walk!

I still have a cat but she can come and go out the cat flap so if I'm a few hours late home its not the end of the world! But I am looking forward to being pet free for a few years......................

Just seen your update OP. Even more reason to stick to your guns if he wants a puppy that you are going to have to train and get up for in the night etc etc.

He's being incredibly selfish and unreasonable to expect you to take all that on because he wants a puppy for two days a week.

Puppies can be seriously hard work and can take many months to house train, let alone all the other training. Take a look at the 'doghouse' you'll see so many people posting about how much they wanted their puppy but how hard they're finding it.

Don't be pushed into this.

Yanbu OP. I am a dog lover myself but they are terribly hard work. I'm struggling with juggling my dog and my infant DD somedays as my DP hasn't helped nearly as much as he said he would when we got her (which was at his insistence I'll add ) Until your DH is in a position to look after dog himself (and you think he will actually abide to this) no dog, simple as.

Until a few years ago I had never not had a dog but as I lost the last one to old age I had already decided to be dog free , actually totally pet free , for at least a while and whilst I loved having dogs cats etc , I loved the individuals rather than simply owning a dog or cat , since being dog free I cannot believe the amount of freedom that I now have to pack a bag and disappear for weekends away , weeks away and just not have to stop and consider the what about the dog dynamic , also days out are so much more stress free worrying in the past about getting home in good time to feed and let them out .

Have an honest chat with your husband about how you feel

YANBU

DH works nights and is in bed all day so 5 days out of 7 dog would be pretty much my responsibility

THIS is your 'reason'.
You compromised for him last time as it was him doing the majority of the care.
That won't be the case this time and you have a valid reason as to why you don't want one.

You are not bu at all.

Its not going to have much of an impact on him at all if you are doing all the work. And puppies are hard work.

He cannot expect you to shoulder all the responsibility while he only has 2 days a week available to do the dog caring.
I am a dog lover and would love another dog but at the moment its not possible. I will just have to wait until it is to get my doggy fix. The dog comes first.
If you arent a dog person i cant imagine anything worse than having full time care of a puppy foisted on you. He is being selfish in the extreme. If he wants a dog he needs to be the one caring for and training it not passing all the hard work onto someone else then claiming to be a dog lover.

We have two dogs. DH is a bigger dog lover than me but I do really love them. As a SAHM 100% of the weekday dog walking, feeding, vet visits, grooming etc falls to me. And I’m fine with it and agreed to it. Your DH wanting a dog but not doing most of the work isn’t on.

And puppies are hard work. They’re like toddlers. Able to get around, don’t want to rely on, pee whenever (and wherever!) they feel. That’s really unfair to put on someone who isn’t keen on dogs.

So yeah, another dog lover saying YANBU.