to ask whether you have any preparations in place in the event of your death?

[WhiskersOnCats]

My dd lives with my Mum in Ireland. I live in London.

About 2 years ago, I went into hospital and almost died - as in family were called over as they thought they would need to switch the machines off. As it turns out, the only ones with valid passports were my sister and my DM.

I was in a coma so obviously didn't know a thing about any of this, but dd's passport had expired, so she couldn't come to see me.

If I had died then, it would have been chaos for dd, but I'm not actually sure what I need to put in place for her. She now has a passport, so should be fine if such an occasion should ever arise again.

That said, I'm having a sort of scare at the moment, to which I don't yet know the outcome.

I know if you're married, have wills and such, you don't need to think again about this sort of stuff, but if I die tomorrow, I have 2 tiny pensions which I presume I could pass to her maybe? I also need her to have details about her father who fucked off. Do I email her now with those details, or should I try to put all of the details in a will somehow?

I don't have a will. My mother is my dd's guardian.

Probably worth adding that my DM is a bitch.

I wouldn't email the details right now - that would b e a bit upsetting, your DD would think that the end was nigh.

I'd suggest putting all the relevant details down on a document. Everything - details of your pensions, your banking details and any other things she''d need to know if anything happened to you. The details of her father , so she knows about that . A list of people who should be contacted . Any requests you might have , such as what you''d like done about funerals and such like.

When you've written it all down, put it in an envelope and send it to her. I wouldn't email it - send a hard copy so she has always got it.

Then you need to make a will. See a solicitor if you can afford one, or you can get a will form online and just follow the instructions. It's very easy and if your DD is your only family, it would be very straightforward.

Good luck with your health !

Excuse me? Your DM is a bitch but she is good enough for your DD to live with her and care for her? Off topic but just wow!

DH and I both are each other beneficiaries, however if we both die then all assets are put into a trust for the DC. A very close friend is the DC's guardian if we both die.

All this is legally done, in wills. School also have the friend as emergency contact if ever needed. All family are aware of our arrangements.

It might help if you say how old DD is. Is she a young child, teenager or adult? That will affect any advice, I think.

It's very important to make a will! Not just a WHSmith one - but see a solicitor to draw one up properly. Sometimes you can get it done cheaply because it can be sponsored by a charity [hoping you will leave them something BUT you don't have to!!!].

We have: a will, life insurance, sorted out guardianship of the children, savings to cover funeral costs. I think that's the bare minimum tbh.

I also always have a passport as I have elderly family who live abroad and occadionally get called back for a funeral.

Yes, we are fairly sorted. We have mirror wills which also cover the guardianship of the dc if we both die. We have life insurance that will pay off the mortgage and give a lump sum to cover childcare costs until the dc are teenagers, which would mean either of us could support the family on our wages. All our money is in joint accounts.

It has given me a lot of peace of mind to have arrangements in place.

You can write it all down and keep it with your will if you don’t want your DD to see it right now. Can I ask how old she is and why she lives with your DM?

If she’s under 25 you might want money etc to be left in trust for her, but it’s all fairly simple.

I went through similar about 2.5 years ago and now everything is in place in the event I should go there again and not come back so to speak.

Does your DD know the extent of your health problems?

There is a mn’er who runs a will writing service iirc but I can’t for the life of me remember her name. But she used to post here regularly as well as on the legal board.

My DS is sixteen and in the event of my death would presumably go and live with his dad. However my dad is the executor of my will and would deal with the trust etc should the need arise.

What birdie said.

Make a list of all the things she might need to know. Send it to her or put it somewhere safe in your house and tell her where.

If you want to leave everything to her, a WHSmith will or similar will be absolutely fine because it’s straightforward.

Would you want your dd to stay in the care of your mother in the event that you die? Make a will, state that in your will and leave your estate to dd. After that any money/assets go to dd or in trust til she's older. How did your dd end up with your mother if your mother is a bitch? was she always a bitch or did she intervene in some way when your dd was born in order to get guardianship?

Your mother must be a bitch because they did have gone on the ferry minus a passport.

My husband died in December. I am drawing up guardianship papers for my girls incase I go before they reach 18.

I am drawing up papers with instructions for my funeral and burial.

I am also going to keep saving and then pay for my funeral in advance so I can know at the age of 35 if anything happens my girls are not left in the shit.

May seem not everybody's cup if tea but I list the love of my life and best friend. And practical shit needs doing that's the simple case of it. And the more I can have done and covered the better.

Also leave a letter with a solicitor to give to your daughter upon an appropriate age where it is specifically given to her and tell her everything you ever wanted her to know. I'm lucky in that j knew everything about my husband and his childhood and life before me and with me. So i can answer the girls.

You have said your mother is a bitch so if truths have been falsified in the Irish mammy way *Luckily my mammy is not like that.... then leave your daughter with peace of knowing you loved her if anything eles. Nominate her to your pensions because if you die before she turns 18 her guardian can end up with the money so you can stipulate she receives it at 18. Or it goes into a bank account you set up. Have that drawn up with a solicitor also.

The reasons she lives with my Mum is because I have struggled with mental health and had the option of voluntarily allowing her to live with my mother or not.

I can not put into words how contemptuous my mother is, but I agreed to it. My mother violently and emotionally abused us as kids, but my brother, now a consultant paediatrician, said that she had done nothing wrong.

The frustration of the lies led me to attempt suicide several times. This of course involved SS more and more. After about 3 years of a battle, I finally conceded that my mother was going to win this. The reason my mother wanted my daughter is because she still thinks I'm a child. She lives vicariously through my daughter and is an utter cunt.

I then moved to London as I really could not cope. It was kill myself or try to get away. So I got away. So here I am.

I have accepted, after much counselling, that it is what it is. DD adores me, but I have missed out on 8 years of her life thanks to my mother.

It's almost impossible to describe as it's so unbelievable, but it is my life. You wouldn't believe it and I don't have the energy to even begin to start to explain.

My dd doesn't know that I am going for cancer screening. If it's positive, then I will tell her. I'm anxious I suppose as the last time I almost died, dd had no information about anything.

She is 15 and very happy. I have nothing to will to her really, well fuck-all.

I guess my circumstances are pretty unique. I literally wouldn't know where to start.

1.. your pensions - you should contact the pension provider and nomiante your DD as the beneficiary
2.. DD is only 15 - so you need to niminate trustees to manage her money OR arrange that they dont pay out until she is 18
3.. Dont ever ASSUME the person you nominate as guardian gets the child - children cannot be willed, you can only express a wish
4.. re the absent father - anyone you trust to give DD a letter when she is 18?
5.. Make a simple will, tie up loose ends.

Basically my mother thinks she 'owns' my child, because I produced said child. It's really difficult to explain the logic as it's so fucked up.

1 - I suppose I could do that.
2 - It's only thousands, not hundreds of thousands
3 - My mother would be the last person I wanted to take care of my dd, yet there she is.

1. Her godmother
2. What am I supposed to put in the will?

I have a will, life insurance and family income insurance. You can put money into trust so she doesn't get money until a certain age, you can have trustees who control her money on her behalf. You can put stipulations in there to protect your daughter so your mother has absolutely no access/control over the money. Best thing to do is meet with a solicitor, explain what you want and they'll be able to advise.

I actually don't know the legal standing with dd's arrangement. I never had to go to court, I never had to sign anything. It was basically threatened that if I didn't allow my dd to voluntarily go to my mother, they would put her in foster care. So of course I agreed. But I genuinely don't know whether my status as her Mum has changed, or whether my mother has some sort of rights over her. I tend to start to cry when the thoughts enter my head, but there is nothing I can do. So I try to avoid asking the question.

It's very important that you seek legal guidance on this. Here's a link to the Martin Lewis [Money Saving Expert] Guide to cheap and free Wills - and why it is important to have one. Please read it.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/free-cheap-wills/

Thanks redwood. I've had a read of that. There is nothing that would justify a will really. My only concern is that she can access a means to contact her father if she so wishes. As I said, I have 2 small private pensions, so I would like anything like that to go to her obviously. Can you pass on a pension? It could get her a step ladder into her own pension I guess - it wouldn't really pay for much more than a holiday in real terms.
Was just thinking, perhaps I should send all the details for her father to my sister and her godmother! They would never mention it unless in the event of my death, so maybe I should do that actually.

I’m a single mum so I have a will, that leaves everything in trust to ds. It also nominates a sister as his guardian.

With the will are pension details, bank a/c details and user access to social media accounts so my sis can log in & delete them.
A letter saying what I would like for a funeral.
I also have a “power of attorney” thing that means my sis can act on my behalf if necessary.

I think most personal pensions can be passed on if you haven’t started drawing them yet.

Safest and simplest thing is what others have already advised i.e. have a will drawn up asap and in it state what you want left for your daughter and / or the name of anyone to hold her accounts on trust until she reaches whatever age. .

We have life insurance and other policies that will leave both of our children (18 and 20yrs) the house, cars and pay everything off plus a huge lump sum payment so they are not left without or having to struggle and watch their pennies.

I don't have a will, but my DD is the beneficiary to my pension, life assurance and the health insurance I took out when I got divorced from her Dad.
I have spoken to my DSis as they will have DD for 'my time' if I die, rather than her going to her Dad full time.
I am also going to leave details of all my bank accounts etc for my Sister so she can access everything she needs to look after DD.

You may want to think about writing a letter to dd, held with your will, to be passed on after your death?

I keep thinking of doing this, but never get round to it! Dh and I made our wills last year though, so that's a step forward.