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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers Day card for dads gf

47 replies

WonderGirl11 · 28/03/2019 10:59

One of many Mothers Day AIBU. I probably am. But I am also sad about this stupid thing! I will be very glad when it’s Monday. Ordinary Monday.

I dropped my almost 3yr old DD at nursery and she had made two Mothers Day cards EXACTLY the same. One for me and one for her dads gf. Who is NOT her mother. And has no responsibility for looking after her. And who she doesn’t see that much. Obviously in no way whatsoever her fault. But it feels like a massive kick in the guts. As a single parent the only thing I will get for Mother’s Day is that card.

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderGirl11 · 28/03/2019 12:02

I have not at all said gf won’t get the card. I definitely didn’t say that, did I?! I don’t think I’m angry like that. More sad really.

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderGirl11 · 28/03/2019 12:05

I have not at any point suggested I would stop my DD giving the card!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderGirl11 · 28/03/2019 12:08

Chanandler, just to clarify. Not angry at the gf about this. Obviously she had nothing to do with it.

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 28/03/2019 12:10

I think the clue is in the name.

It's mothers' day. Not father's new girl friend day. Why would a small child give a card to anyone but her mother, except in exceptional circumstances.

Can fully understand why you're upset by this OP.

ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe · 28/03/2019 12:10

Apologies, it was a PP who said that the GF would not be getting the card.

I understand why you're sad OP, I would be too. But I don't think it's the nurserys fault if your DD asked to make it. I'm not dismissing that this is hard for you, I would find it incredibly difficult to grin and bear to.

Original poster
WonderGirl11 · 28/03/2019 12:10

Thanks NWQM. Your 3 yr old sounds very kind. Lucky dog!

OP posts:
WeMarchOn · 28/03/2019 12:14

Sosig gave me the laugh I needed today 🤣 good old Carol C 🤣

I say speak to pre school then don't give it to your ex x

FriarTuck · 28/03/2019 12:17

I’m simultaneously pissed at her dad and his gf as they decided to go away this weekend, although it was his weekend to have her.
Maybe they assumed you'd like to have her as it's Mother's Day and you're her mother?!!! Confused

Original poster
WonderGirl11 · 28/03/2019 12:21

Hmm, maybe FriarTuck. It will be nice to hang out with her.
However. I somehow think their motivation was more to do with wanting a lovey dovey couply weekend thing than a gesture of kindness towards me!

OP posts:
ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe · 28/03/2019 12:24

then don't give it to your ex x

But then you'd be punishing the DD because of your feelings (which she won't understand at that age). She obviously wants to give this card to her dad's GF and she's spent time making it. It would be cruel to turn around and say she can't.

Sometimes adults need to grin and bear these sorts of things for the sake of our children, especially at such a young age.

It would make me upset too but it ultimately isn't about me at the end of the day.

lyralalala · 28/03/2019 12:28

It's probably the case that someone else at nursery was making one for a step-mum figure so your DD decided to do one as well.
We had a weird situation here one year where my DS randomly insisted that his two Aunts "must" get mother's day cards. He was adamant that was the "rules". It took us two weeks to discover that one of the kids he was in nursery with lives with his Aunty, so DS had seen him making his Aunt a card and thought that was what the "rules" of Mother's Day was.

FriarTuck · 28/03/2019 12:58

I somehow think their motivation was more to do with wanting a lovey dovey couply weekend thing than a gesture of kindness towards me!
Maybe, but which thought makes you feel happier - the thought that he's doing something nice that you'll enjoy or the thought that he's a bastard? Always go with the positive thought because the only one who suffers from the negative thought is you - he'll either be happy/non-committal over his decision to let you have her or he'll be happy that he's screwing you over (except he's not) and having a dirty weekend, he has no negativity regardless.

Miffymeow · 28/03/2019 13:00

I would be pretty hurt too, naturally that would really sting, but she is young and probably doesn't understand what mothers day really is. Don't sweat it too much OP, it's more about the intent, and her intent I'm sure is to make everyone happy. She doesn't think of her as mum, only you and noone can replace that, she just enjoys making lots of cards!

BlackCatSleeping · 28/03/2019 13:01

Why would a small child give a card to anyone but her mother, except in exceptional circumstances.

Because she's 3 and sometimes the logic of a 3-year-old is hard for adults to understand. Maybe a friend was making one for her step mum and the OP's daughter decided to copy. I understand why the OP is upset, but she needs to let it go.

MamaBear8686 · 28/03/2019 13:07

I have nothing but respect for my ex's partner, she's great and has always been lovely with my ds. But she isn't his mum, I am. I wouldn't kick off about it if this happened to me but it wouldn't sit well with me either.

Again, if my ex got her a card from ds I wouldn't object but I certainly wouldn't do it myself. Birthdays and Xmas we always do cards but Mother's Day....no x

Original poster
WonderGirl11 · 28/03/2019 13:35

Thanks MamaBear. That is pretty much where I am with it. And I will let it go and make sure my DD never knows I am anything but delighted with my card!!

It isn’t the biggest deal. I absolutely totally know that. But I was genuinely sad this morning. And it is really helpful to hear all your thoughts.

Maybe I’ll get my glue and glitter out and make a thank you card myself FriarTuck! And thank him for his generosity of spirit.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 28/03/2019 13:57

I'd throw it in the bin. A GF of a few months isn't getting a card from my 3 yo.

Very different if she was a stepmum of a few years.

IvanaPee · 28/03/2019 13:58

Ouch! I get it, OP.

Do keep in mind though that she’s 3 and isn’t seeing them this weekend. She’ll probably have forgotten all about it when she next sees them.

I wouldn’t stop her giving the card but I wouldn’t go out of my way either, a week after the event, to make sure dd gives dad’s gf the card. If dd remembers then fair enough.

Lolololololol · 28/03/2019 14:08

DH and I have never had DSS on mother's day. It isn't so we can have a dirty weekend, it's because we have always felt DSS should be with his mother on mother's day. She would be really upset if she didn't have him? He still brings me a card and cup of tea in the morning before he goes to see her though x

anniehm · 28/03/2019 14:17

Was she encouraged or was it her choice? If she chose to them yabu to criticise the nursery

FriarTuck · 28/03/2019 14:30

Maybe I’ll get my glue and glitter out and make a thank you card myself FriarTuck! And thank him for his generosity of spirit.
If you cover his house in glitter he'll not be nice again Grin
(But thanking him & saying you hope he had a good w/e too might go down well and make future Mother's Days better) (Disclaimer: it's easier for me to suggest nice things than to do them myself Grin)

StarJumpsandaHalf · 28/03/2019 14:59

Something that seems so personal will give you pangs OP, but really it's just a very little girl enjoying making something and being sweet natured. Have some early Flowers

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