To think it's not that easy to 'just move'?

[snarfblatt]

Not a TAAT but about lots of threads! I live in London (but this could apply to any expensive area of the country). I rent. I have no spare money. Like so many other posters here, I've been told on MN and IRL to 'just move', that I need to leave London, that life will be less expensive elsewhere. OF COURSE it's cheaper elsewhere, although I've seen countless debates over how true that actually is (rent may be cheaper but council tax and other bills often aren't due, public transport certainly isn't etc etc).

But how easy do people really think it is to just relocate, when you've got to bear in mind:

a) getting together a deposit plus moving costs
b) viewing properties a significant distance from where you live and all the associated costs (never mind that's tricky when working ft)
c) finding a new job in a new area - which presumably needs to happen before trying to find a new tenancy, given you won't be able to get a tenancy without an income (and then you've got, once again, the issue of travelling some distance for interviews - not to mention if there are two of you looking for employment that's doubly difficult, especially around childcare)

I can think of others but these alone are pretty hefty things to deal with, involving money I - and many others - don't have. Not to mention that if we move far enough away to benefit from things actually becoming cheaper (so not the South full stop) we'll be even further from family which then adds even more cost and complication to have even some semblance of extended family relationships.

Yes, renting is shit most of the time. Yes, London is expensive. But AIBU to think 'just move' is a ridiculous and unrealistic solution to anything? And if you've done it, how?

@ASundayWellSpent moving out incrementally is probably a good way to do it!

@thecatsthecats I’m certainly not reluctant to move – I’m not from London and came here for opportunities I wouldn’t have had elsewhere. So I’ve already moved quite far! However now, 15 years later and with DC and no money, it’s the moving out that’s an issue. Of course there is also an issue of not necessarily wanting to leave when your life is in a place, but I appreciate that’s a sacrifice that may have to be made.

@Lokidokiartichoki Wow, that must have been scary at the time – I’m glad it worked out well for you. I think perhaps taking that leap of faith is sometimes the only way of actually doing it!

@randomsabreuse Our last move was easily £600+ after the van and packaging costs, fees etc, plus having to find a £1500 deposit while the existing one is still tied up in the place you’re living in! I was lucky to be able to borrow from a family member and pay it back, something I’ve never done before but we had to leave having been evicted by our landlord so didn’t have the luxury of time to save. That then took the best part of a year to pay off, and since then our circumstances have changed again so we don’t have any savings at all and would be in the position of having to borrow (and then spend another year paying off the move) again. But needs must. Definitely wouldn’t be feasible to be spending £2k or so as it would take so long to pay back!

It is very easy if you don't have children.

Much harder with children.

I hope nobody has said this before, but I think people that say this watch to much Eastenders and think that a black cab and a wistful look back is all that's needed

YANBU. Moving is really expensive, and very stressful. I think there's assumption from some people that you will have savings. I certainly don't but it often feels like the rest of the world does.

Tbf though I think sometimes people are saying it to just remind you that it is an option. And even if it's expensive and difficult and might get you into debt, it is still an option. This is important for people who are having a really hard time and feel trapped - sometimes they need to be reminded that there is a way out.

We decided to just move after ds1 ended up in a unit on the other side of the borough and was travelling a couple of hours a day. It involved filling in a form to move ds2 schools. We were lucky his current school agreed and we were offered a place in six weeks. Then we had to hand in notice in to our landlords. We were lucky to not be in a contract so 6 weeks notice - should have been 4 but missed the payment date. Then we had to house hunt. It cost just over 5k to move - fees, new deposit, rent in advance and hiring a van for h to drive. It was a long stressful time and I felt we moved quickly esp as it was Christmas / new year! But I don’t work so I was able to do all the organising. If we worked full time and not had the savings I don’t see how we could have done it.

I've moved 10+ times too as an adult. The most recent was for a new job. We viewed property on line, then visited for a couple of weekends. Property is much different in reality, as opposed to looking online. Yes it costs to move, but I secured a good job in doing so !

Yanbu. I relocated with 2 young kids 18 months ago. It was fucking brutal especially the new school stuff. Me and the oldest dc are traumatised and still recovering. That was just moving 70 miles away.

Tbf though I think sometimes people are saying it to just remind you that it is an option. And even if it's expensive and difficult and might get you into debt, it is still an option. This is important for people who are having a really hard time and feel trapped - sometimes they need to be reminded that there is a way out.

Yes.

In fact, my friend and I both do this to each other constantly when we're having bad days.

She was the high-powered one in London who was adamant that she just couldn't move, there wouldn't be opportunities elsewhere, that she couldn't earn as much.

She finally decided that those opportunities and earnings weren't actually worth it. Yes, her job is now less stimulating, but she's still packing a great salary and actually has a work-life balance.

(Oh, and she's still on at me to quit my big fish in small pond job for something I don't hate . However for me, I earn £££ a 20m walk from my house and can balance gym and hobbies, so I'm willing to suck the shitty parts up)

I see each move as an opportunity to start again, explore a new place, declutter. I expect that there will be more moves in the future...

I can't really keep track of how many times we have moved but we have had two international moves and one cross country move since dc were born 10 years ago. It is perfectly doable but it isn't easy and it is expensive. ( does help manage clutter a bit)

This winds me up no end. DH is self employed its taken him years to build up regular customers and know everyone around in related trades. He also employs people.
The "just move" to somewhere affordable isn't 45 minutes away (I've done longer commutes), it isn't 2 hours away but affordable would be 3/4+ hours away. It costs so much money as well, i think each move we have made (renting) we have had to fork out £5000 ish, ok we get the deposit back from the old place, but you have to find it on the new place first. In comparison to all the fees etc the deposit is the tiny bit.

It's really interesting to hear the experiences of those of you who've moved in various circumstances, thank you.

Having DC definitely makes it more complicated. I remember fondly all the many times I moved when I was young and unattached, with no dependants!

I think the main issue is money, as many of you are saying. And that's not something you can just magic up at a moment's notice.

Those of you who've moved to different countries - respect. I haven't moved more than a few miles within London since I was 21 Pathetic!

Yanbu however £1200 for a one bed flat with 3 kids must be a mare. There are 2 - 3 bed houses with gardens in SE18 for that price but appreciate the whole point of the thread is finding the money upfront to move in the first place.

Oh @Lightsabre I was being lighthearted Actually for us, it's £1100 for a 2 bed (we're paying at least a couple of hundred below market value thank god) and one DC! Just a comment on how moving is often suggested as if it's something the poster hasn't considered despite their situation being obviously a bit shit...

Yes, we moved to London for work and moved out again with young kids. Our move out, to DH’s northern home town, took a year from decision to completion and cost us every penny we had and then some.

Our kids are mostly grown up now and one of them has moved to London for work, and at least one of the others is likely to follow. I like where we live but I sometimes wonder if we shouldn’t have stayed put.

That's interesting @TinklyLittleLaugh. Do you think though that you gave your kids greater opportunities by having moved elsewhere for their formative years? Better standard of life etc?

Well we moved because our outgoings exceeded our income and DH was offered promotion to a better paying job. We used my voluntary redundancy money to fund the move.

But we moved in a falling housing market, took a year to sell our house and lost a big chunk of money to negative equity.

As it turned out, if we’d stayed put and used my redundancy to fund our day to day living, DH would have got the same promotion opportunity down south a bit later on.

Initially I hated the north very much. But I have come round to it now (only taken 23 years). I do wonder if my DCs would have been very different (they are quite stereotypically no nonsense northerners). If we would have had 4, and if I’d have had a different career.

But in reality we have had a good life up here.

Not sure about the better quality of life: we bought down south when flats were still affordable (our 2 bed garden flat cost £56k) and the little house we bought up north was actually much the same price and size.

Big regret that we didn’t hang onto our flat though. Would’ve been a nice pension.

It's only feasible if you are a character in EastEnders. Then you can move house and job with just one suitcase.

@MrsMoastyToasty I have previously moved flats in just a taxi but I was young and unencumbered

@TinklyLittleLaugh it really sounds as though there was no discernable difference for you (and if you hadn't lost so much money due to moving would things have been different staying put - plus losing that flat must have been a real shame looking at prices now!). But who's to say you wouldn't have been priced out by other things, or had a change of circumstance... guess you'll never know. And your DCs will get to experience London like a new city which will be a very different experience to having grown up there/nearby!

It can be done but it's tough. I moved across country. I applied for a job, had the interview Friday, got the job, house up for sale Saturday, sold Monday (!) . We were moving to an11+ area so we drove back across on Monday and eldest son sat the 11+ on Tuesday ( yes, we were lucky they had a spare place) Whilst he was sitting the exam, I went to the estate agents and asked if they had any houses to rent whilst the sale of my house went through. We moved 17 days later into a rental house I had never been inside. This was Christmas Eve! Sons started school in January and I started work the same time. Thankfully I was a single parent so no one else to worry about.
That was a fun month

Oh my goodness @spanieleyes! That's bonkers! Respect to you...

It cost just over 5k to move - fees, new deposit, rent in advance and hiring a van for h to drive.

It didn't cost 5k though.

You had a 5k cash flow impact at that time - but the rent in advance you get the cash flow benefit of later, and the new deposit gets offset by getting your old one back.

We rented for 6 months whilst the sale of my previous house went through and I found another. we had a dining room stuffed with unpacked boxes for the whole time ( we moved from alarge 4 bed house to a small 3 bed rental) and I had to pay rent and mortgage for a couple of months. But everything worked out in the end!

My two eldest kids had lived in 5 different house by the time they were 12 and 10 (one down south, the other four within 5 miles up north). We just kept moving as our family and our budget grew. Unfortunately family normally outstripped size of house we could afford.

However DC4 was born in our current 5 bed house 12 years ago, so our moving days seem to be on hold for a while.

Don’t be afraid of the moving. And do it again if t’s not right the first time.