Would this annoy you

[soontobefour4]

Prepared to be told I'm being petty but just want to get s bit of perspective on this.

I have an 18 month old DS and am heavily pregnant. I have been taking DS for swimming lessons since September at a nice holiday park type place. We both really enjoy it and have made some nice friends there.

MIL is always saying that she'd like to do more with DS so I asked if she'd like to come swimming with us. I could do with the help now I'm heavily pregnant and it's quite a fun activity, so everyone wins. She said she'd really like to as she enjoys swimming so she has joined us the last 3 weeks. The first 2 weeks she watched from the side to get the gist of things and last week she took DS in for me.

The changing room is one small communal changing room. I have always left my belongings there whilst I swim and had no problems, there are lockers but I've never bothered to use them because I don't leave any valuable there - I literally just take our towels and swimming stuff so I don't have to worry about anything going missing. Unbeknown to me, MIL left her Fitbit in her coat pocket, unattended in the changing room whilst she swam with DS. It got stolen and she is understandably very annoyed.

She was asking around about this Fitbit in a very accusatory tone, saying there were obviously thieves there and she couldn't believe anyone would do something like that. The other mums were looking around in case it had been dropped, offering suggestions etc, generally trying to be kind and helpful. She went out to the front desk to ask if it had been handed in and told the nice receptionist that they obviously allow thieves in and generally taking her anger out on everyone who was trying to help. I felt really uncomfortable- I felt bad that this had happened when she was doing me a favour, but also felt that she was insinuating that someone amongst our swimming group was dishonest. The fact is there are only 4 or 5 in our group and we were the last ones out of the changing room that day so it couldn't have been any of our group. There was one gym user who had come to use the showers so it could have been her, or it could have been someone from the previous swimming group, but again only 4 or 5 people and the lessons are only 30 minutes long, so it would have had to be the last person to finish changing who took the opportunity to rummage through pockets in a window of opportunity of about 10 minutes before we came out. The odd thing is for some reason my phone was in DS's swimming bag next to her coat - as I said I never usually take anything like that in, but must have done so accidentally on this occasion. That didn't get stolen, and it's a decent phone so it seems odd that the thief left that and only took the Fitbit. She took to Facebook and wrote a similar comment on the venue's page. She does have form for things going missing and then turning up at some point in the future, so DFIL, DH and I have all queries whether it has actually been stolen and is she sure it hasn't been misplaced.

She is planning on asking around tomorrow at swimming about this Fitbit. I am dreading it because I really felt like she was accusing the mums I have made friends with and I found it really embarrassing. I'm not sure what she is trying to achieve - is one of them going to suddenly say that they snuck back into the changing room and stole it?!?! I just feel like she is spoiling something DS and I have really enjoyed by being caught out by her own stupidity- she left her phone in the car to prevent it being stolen, so why not the Fitbit? She said she thought about asking me to look after it but then thought it would be fine so left it in her pocket. I completely understand that she is cross (particularly as she has only had this Fitbit for a month having lost the last one on holiday!) but all of the alternative options would have been better and surely a woman in her sixties would realise that!

I guess my AIBU is whether I am wrong for being embarrassed about her reaction and feeling uncomfortable about how she is planning to behave tomorrow, which I can only imagine given she has had a week to stew on it is going to be some kind of cross interrogation of the nice mums and staff I have got to know over the last few months.

If you have money to burn I would be tempted to replace it. In no way do I think it is your fault, but to prevent your happy swimming being spoiled by the situation. It sounds like you suspect she may have lost it but she might find it too hard to admit it now if it does turn up.

You're not unreasonable, OP!

It's clear you aren't complaining about the fact she's frustrated as you've expressed sympathy for that but rather how she's handling the situation, especially as you've befriended these people.

Of course, somebody there is a thief and I think we'd all be pretty miffed if something went missing but like you say, it's unlikely somebody is going to admit to it now! Let it be a lesson learned. Did she have it insured? She could make a little A4 poster or something to leave on reception and ask for it to be returned there if anybody comes across it (more of an anonymous way for somebody to return it) but still it's unlikely she'll see it again if it's been stolen!

Maybe suggest to her to not go again as you wouldn't want her to feel uncomfortable but you don't believe it was any of your friends so wouldn't want them to feel uncomfortable either.

It definitely isn't your fault and it's completely irrelevant that she was "doing you a favour" (it's her grandson and she wanted to spend more time with him I don't see how that's a favour to you!) from what you've mentioned this is a common occurrence that she loses things etc so if it wasn't going to happen at the swimming baths it would've happened somewhere else I'm sure!

Good luck OP!

MIL is an idiot. Even as a kid I knew better than to leave valuables unattended. We didn’t even wear our nice trainers to the swimming baths in case they went missing! There were lockers available, it’s nobody’s fault but hers that she didn’t use one.

Thanks for all your advice. MIL wasn't actually too bad in the end, she reported it to the swimming instructor (I couldn't hear as I was in the cafe watching, but I know for sure that's what she would have been speaking to him about) but I don't think she said anything to the other mums thank goodness.

She asked the receptionist on the way out wether it had been found - it hadn't. She then said they should have signs up warning pool users that there are light fingered people using the facilities and they should have signs up telling people to lock up their valuables. Apparently there should have been a sign she would have been more wary (even though she admitted that she thought about giving it to me or putting it in a locker but then decided against it!).

The unbelievable thing is, she nearly left her phone and watch in her bag this week until I suggested it might be a good idea for me to hold on to them for her!!! Some people never learn!!!

Without wanting to imply your MIL is losing the plot, is she absolutely certain she had it with her? Seems odd that it was the only thing taken, and not your phone or (presumably also left in the changing room) cash and jewellery. Speaking from a purely personal viewpoint there's been more than one occasion where I could have sworn 100% I had something when I left the house, only to return home and find it on the kitchen table or somewhere.

^This. I've been totally convinced I'd seen one of my DDs' PE kits when picking them up from school, when in fact they left it behind. It can happen so easily. And it's true, why wasn't the mobile phone stolen?

Is it possible that the Fitbit fell out of her pocket somewhere on route?

If your MIL's Fitbit was stolen, well she does only have herself to blame, as she should have put it in the locker, that's what they're there for.

I think I would approach it by saying if she’s absolutely sure it was in her pocket and has been stolen, it’s unreasonable to think it’s one of the swimmers without any proof; lots of people could have access to the changing room - staff, contract workers, general public etc. I’d tell her that it’s not fair to imply one of the group is to blame, it could have been anyone (including her own carelessness). Her accusations are making everyone uncomfortable and spoiling your enjoyment.