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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

By keeping internet locks on my 15 year olds phone

17 replies

Applecrumble79 · 27/03/2019 22:17

I have parental controls on my 15 year old Sons mobile phone. He gets annoyed that it will ask for a code for the simplest websites. I don’t want him to access things he shouldn’t and want to preserve some innocence for as long as possible. Aibu. Should I unrestrict when he’s 16? I’d prefer to keep it restricted until he’s 18 :-)

OP posts:

lljkk · 27/03/2019 22:33

He'll be spending a lot of time trying to find ways around your locks. This could hugely improve his hacking skills.

He'll be seeing material you consider unsuitable on other people's phones. This will make him work on his social skills so he can get them to do stuff for him.

He knows you don't trust him. He'll remember not to ask you for advice about sensitive subjects.

So yeah, great plan. What could go wrong?

ThePants999 · 27/03/2019 22:48

15 is bad enough, but the idea of parental controls on a 17-year-old's phone is frankly ridiculous.

thisismeusernameything · 27/03/2019 22:59

Lazy parenting and extremely naive on your part.

Teach your 15 year old about the dangers of the internet rather than thinking you can control his life. Additionally if you think you are controlling his access to the internet through that one devise then you’re incredibly naive.

MrMeSeeks · 27/03/2019 23:05

seriously?
You’re going to end up with a son who doesn't come to you when they’re in trouble and will hide things from you.
If you really think this will stop them looking at things they shouldn't then you’re kidding yourself.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/03/2019 23:13

Is this for real? Obviously yabu. Let him do normal age appropriate things.

NChangeForNoReason · 27/03/2019 23:25

He knows you don't trust him. He'll remember not to ask you for advice about sensitive subjects.

^^ THIS!!!!

Distrust breeds distrust!!

I have given my 16yo enough space and responsibility to make up her own mind about what's right and wrong. She doesn't always get it correct first time, but We are very close so we discuss together what she could have changed to get a better result.

In contrast her friend has a very controlling mother. She to lies about where she is, who she is with and what she is doing. It's caused no end of arguments, trips to docs for the morning after pill and sleepless nights for all concerned.

Show ur child you respect them and they will respect you!

PCohle · 27/03/2019 23:25

Weird. At 16 he's old enough to leave home and have sex. You don't think he should be able to access information about these issues the year before?

BlackPrism · 27/03/2019 23:26

DBro had his phone taken off of him at 13, he still doesn't have one at all at 15 but he's a better kid for it tbh

ConfCall · 27/03/2019 23:32

It seems OTT, OP.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 27/03/2019 23:59

YABVU, controlling and ruining your relationship with your son.

You can’t (and shouldn’t attempt to) control what he views. You teach him about the dangers and go from there.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 28/03/2019 00:07

YABU - keeping locks until he's 18?! Ridiculous

Anything you don't want him to see on the internet will be accessible elsewhere.

Topseyt · 28/03/2019 03:22

You are being utterly ridiculous. He will just view stuff while he is at friends' houses anyway, so you are deluding yourself too.

Parental controls until 18 is plain daft.

ApplePieIsAmazing · 28/03/2019 04:19

Unrestrict it now. Very controlling and like others said, he'll search up whatever he wants at his friends house. What are you worried about him seeing?

PregnantSea · 28/03/2019 04:34

This seems really OTT. I would definitely tell him that on his 16th birthday you will remove all those locks from his phone, if you wouldn't consider just doing that now.

Be prepared for him to go crazy on the pornography and social media - he'll be like a kid let loose in a sweet shop! He hasn't been given the tools to deal with this sort of thing so be prepared for a lot of issues to crop up with his internet usage. Think Mormon at a frat party.

Jessgalinda · 28/03/2019 04:45

Locking him out if the internet is very odd and doesnt teach anything about internet safety.

But it will impact the relationship between you. At 15 he shouldn't need a pass code to access the simplest websites. He should not have to come to you to do that.

That's not safety. Its control

Boredgiraffes · 28/03/2019 04:59

He must feel like he’s living in a different world than his peers with these rules. At 15 it should be about trust and making mistakes and learning from them. You aren’t helping by withholding this

starsurge · 28/03/2019 05:02

How about you teach your DS to make good choices on his own (might be a tad late for this at 15 though) so you won't feel the need to control his every move?

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