Despairing about DS behaviour

[Furiousfive]

My ds is 6 and in year 2. His behaviour at school has always been up and down - we go through short periods where he's fine and there are no issues but mostly we'll have problems about 1-2 days a week (more on a bad week). It's stuff like being very disruptive and boisterous, ignoring adults, doing what he wants...he used to hit/push a lot but luckily this behaviour has lessened.

I dread going to pick up and hearing what he's been up to. It feels like we've tried everything - rewards, bribes, punishments - behaviour chart, no screens, weekend treat if he manages a good week, many many talks on appropriate behaviour...I'm at a loss on what to do next.

He is sent to the HT quite often but none of this seems to work. He's always upset when he's in trouble as he's a child who loves praise (and we massively praise him when he behaves well), but he can't seem to help himself. He displays similar behaviour at after school clubs and was asked to leave one for repeatedly being v disruptive. At home, he is much better - perhaps as we can supervise him closely, but if we have visitors/playdates he'll again become excessively boisterous/overstimulated so we rarely do these. He also isn't invited to many parties/playdates, I'm sure for this reason.

I can't help thinking this behaviour isn't normal. The school haven't raised concerns about SEN but we have wondered in the past about ADHD. Just wondering what else we can do really - it feels like were just banging our heads against a brick wall :(

Have you asked for a meeting with his class teacher and the SENCO to talk about his learning and development ? Is it on track?
Maybe it could be a starting point to potentially rule out/ consider any additional needs your son may have. You could also ask them to keep a behaviour diary to look for potential triggers, ie when is he most boisterous/ aggressive etc. You could also do this at home and share the findings with your GP so they could then possibly point you in the direction of more support tailored to your sons needs. In the meantime be consistent in your approach to your son so he has clear understandable expectations. Praise the positive and explain consequences to his actions. Good luck.

Can you get him screened privately?

Check his hearing. Not being able to hear often leads to disruption.

And try Solihull course OP. You can do it online or see if it is offered in person locally to you.

One of my children has ADHD and your post resonated with me a lot.

Your GP is the first port of call, to request a referral. CAHMS referrals are hard to get (demand outstrips availability in my area so only the most severe cases are seen) but referral to a community paediatrician or similar can be a route to investigation and diagnosis too. Ensure the school document his behaviour as much as possible- the diary already suggested is a great idea and something that we used to use when I couldn't mentally face getting hauled in every day after school. It works well as a communication tool between home and school and would be useful 'evidence' to show doctors down the line.

Don't rely on the school's opinion. My experiences perhaps make me cynical but everything surrounding SEN provision in schools boils down to money and budgets- if they feel they are coping ok currently they won't be bending over backwards to seek getting official support (EHCP) in place.

Academically he's doing well - in the top sets for most things. So it's not that he's struggling to understand the lessons. Can I talk to the school SENCO? I thought they only dealt with diagnosed SEN children.

We did a hearing test about 2 years ago when he was having behaviour issues in reception and it was clear.

Will have a look into private screening, thanks

Sounds identical to my ds at that age. Turns out he had ADHD.

Thanks Spottyowl - that's really helpful and it's nice to feel that someone has a similar experience. It's quite isolating as It seems like he's been labelled 'the naughty kid'. He also frequently says that he really tries to be good but it just explodes out of him after a while, which makes me feel sad

It's really difficult and really stressful.

Impulse control is probably my son's biggest issue overall- he just doesn't seem to have those few seconds of consideration before he reacts, and that's where he gets himself into trouble.

It's worth looking at diet if you haven't already. There is the obvious stuff like artificial colourings and preservatives but also a lot of children with ADHD type behaviours are sensitive to some natural chemicals in healthy foods, such as salicylates (natural pesticide found in many fruits and vegetables), glutamates, amines etc which can cause a behavioural reaction. It's hard work finding out what/if your child is sensitive to, but it has been well worth the investment of time doing it here as there are a few foods that we now know to steer well clear of, or limit.

Too smart for school and he is bored. But yes it's 2019 do don't rule out adhd I guess but sounds like he may too clever for what some schools provide.

I would still check hearing again. It is a huge factor and 2 years is a long time, especially as those screens aren't always very reliable.