Happy for son to quit football

[boylovesmeerkats]

Somehow ended up arguing with my husband last night as my nearly 6 year old wants to quit football club and I don't think it's a problem. He's done it for 5 months and just got bored. He does after school club anyway so prefers running around with his friends or doing other activities. He also does a really expensive drama club for 90 minutes on a Saturday so gets his fill of activity I think. I'm happy to save £30 next term.

DH kept on about how he wants him to have a sport, talking about being physically active but he's always on the go. After a while I got fed up and pointed out that I'd dealt with the organising and fallout of swimming, rugby and football and it was fine for him to dictate about these things but he needed to do his bit now.

Does it really matter that my 6 year old wants a break from after school sports??

Now this is very ‘unPC’ of me and I’m making huge assumptions but there does seem to be a thing with boys in this country and their parent/s having a need for them to not only play football but be good at it. It feels like the aspiration is to have a professional football player in the future.....

I watch my son play and the parents are going crazy on the sidelines (not all of course) but it can be a hostile / tense place. However watching my daughter play is a joy. There’s no pressure. Parents seem to be happy to watch their child having a hobby and there’s no wild expectations. The parents on both sides speak and laugh with each other...... everyone cheers still / encourages but it’s a happy / light place to be and I look forward to going.

Anyway I agree with you, he’s very young and I think children and people should do what they enjoy, what’s the point otherwise?! My son is 12 and he’s giving football up this season because he’s not enjoying it. My husband was upset about it, he said he enjoys watching him play but he has accepted that it’s not his decision. He’ll do another sport / try some different activities because I agree it’s important to be active.

Swimming, rugby and football all before the age of 6!

If he is generally active then let him stop football. he has fun with his friends, that's enough. He is doing a stagecoach/similar thing so that is one big activity a week, plus school.

(Swimming is more of a non negotiable to me as I view it as a life skill.)

Does your husband like football ? I think dads who are very into football themselves they want their sons to be as well.

My boys like going to football. My husband uses to play in the play ground and watches the world cup etc but that's it so he isnt pushy about it it's the kids who want to do it but I know some dads are like that.

One of the guys I worked with was keen for his son to do football as he said at school lots of boys play football and if he had a bit of skills and knowledge he would never be left out at play time and his experience at school was if you played football at lunchtime you were less likely to get picked on. Now I am not saying that any kid who doesn't play football should be bullied but I kind of got what he meant it made you feel part of the group. Maybe your husband has an experience like that from school ? Some schools don't allow football at break now though ours does on alternative days.

Obviously that's sad if it's true about playtime but I can see it being true as they get older in primary. I am always telling my son to ask the girls to join in their football matches as well.

I hate this so much. This idea that boys should do football or their willy will fall off. Which is what I get from your description of your husband's reaction.

If someone doesn't enjoy something, forcing them to keep it up does nothing for the bond between the child and the person making them participate. Does your husband want your son to resent him?

YANBU. A break sounds good. Simply running about and playing with friends is fine and healthy, and can incorporate all kinds of play, not just one subject. It's good for him. Drama sounds fun.

My husband loves football, he will watch any football, anywhere, and is a qualified ref (did this as a way of getting involved with our son and cousin's football). We are all keen followers of our town in and local league club and most of our weekends in season involve some football. Son is very keen, plays for a team and is part of an academy (no one is under any illusions that he's going to make a career of it though!). Both girls also play for their schools. If any of them wanted to stop, we would definitely agree to it. (Can't pretend DH wouldn't be a bit disappointed, but he/we would absolutely respect the decision.) Also, he's only 6, there's plenty of time for him to take it up in future...

Anyway I agree with you, he’s very young and I think children and people should do what they enjoy, what’s the point otherwise?!

This ^

In our family doing one form of exercise based activity is non negotiable, but they are free to find one they enjoy. But appreciate that we feel quite strongly about regular exercise.

teddy I couldn’t agree more about the attitudes towards boys and girls football. My DD plays football with boys (the only girl) and also trains with a girls team. My experience is the same

My son is much happier after swapping football for street dance

Sadly, if there's anyway you can keep him going I would. Most of the boys in my DSs different schools, right through primary, have tended to play football at lunch time. DS2 really doesn't like football. I persevered with it for a few years, but in the end I gave up, as he spent his time running up and down the pitch alongside the ball, while never actually touching it.

But that does mean he only has a couple of boys to play with at break time in school. If for any reason they aren't at school, or kept in at break time, he has noone else to play with. All of the other boys are off playing football. It can be very lonely for him.

DS1, on the other hand, isn't brilliant at it but persevered, and its given him a friendship group at school and something to do. It has really helped a lot. But he's quitting after this season, now that he's at secondary. Continuing with cricket though.

I didn't do after school activities till I was 9. I was much happier just playing with friends up until that age. Maybe he is like that too?

Thanks, useful to have your opinions. My husband does enjoy football, he doesn't watch it often but has played most Thursdays for 16 YEARS, so hard to compete with that. He's not a pushy football dad but funnily enough this might have come about from me telling him about a group of sporty kids at a school party on Sunday who played basketball while our son and his friends went crazy on the bouncy castle. Maybe he wants a really sporty kid? His dad also runs competitively and he's 73 so his family do have a weird relationship with sport. It's not necessarily about enjoyment.

Growing up I danced a lot and loved it but just stopped when I was 13. My dad was a karate blackbelt but my brother didn't play much sport so football has never been a big thing for me, even living in the shadow of a premier league football club.

Tbh it annoys me that football is the first sport they offer in primary school, there aren't many other options. I signed him up for multisport but only 2 of them signed up so it was cancelled. My son wanted to do it this year to join in, but I think like someone has said now he knows the basics to get stuck in at playtime think he's lost interest.

OP this is exactly where we were as a family about a year ago!

DS2 (11at the time) had been playing football for about 4 years and had got onto a very good team. He wasn't one of the best players there and often didn't get much game time. This affected his confidence and, after a while, he decided he wanted to give up.

Weeks of tension between DS2 and DH ensued for,all the reasons you have quoted.

In the end DH accepted that it wasn't making him happy and DS2 left playing for a team.

He now plays football and rugby for his school, where there's a lot less pressure.

Ironically, DD now plays football for an excellent local team and for the district! She's very happy. It as and when she decides it's no longer for her, I'm hoping DH will accept this more quickly than with DS2.

Regarding the tensions around boys football compared to girls that someone mentioned up post, I totally agree with this. We love watching our daughter play, getting fit and enjoying herself. With the boys, the parents took everything so much more seriously!

I would let him stop if that's what he wants. My DS has tried lots of different things over the years, different sports etc but the one thing he has stuck to is consistently is music. He had fun with the sports while he was interested and that's good enough, what's important is he had fun at tbe time and found the area he really loves. The activity has to be for your son's benefit not your Dh.

My two boys (6&7) aren't bothered about playing football but like going to watch football matches. I'd let him quit.

I agree with you. Yes kids need to be active, but it sounds like he is anyway. There's no point forcing him into something he doesn't want to do.
DS2 did football for a bit. He really didn't get it. There was just no point in making him carry on. His current activities (he's 9) are piano, fight club (martial arts type thing) and he is on the local swim team. He did kung fu for a couple of years which he grew bored of, so we pulled him out of that.
DS1 on the other hand has been on his football team for 5 years. Because he enjoys it.

Maybe if all parents stopped forcing uninterested six year old boys to play football so they won't be left out at playtime in school, then many of said six year old boys would just do their own thing at liunchtime, and there wouldn't be this Football or Terminal Isolation thing.

OP I have 3 boys, two now teenagers.
Perfectly normal to get fed up a sport, and I've seen quite a few kids who detested football at that age and older and took it up again later and ran with it.
Brian O' Driscoll never really played rugby before he was 13yo and AP McCoy never sat on a horse much before he was 13yo.