I don’t usually indulge, but sometime I just can’t help it!! It will get better, but WHEN?
I’ve was married for 15 years, unhappy for many, many. Stopped working to be a ft mum. Ex became more controlling. I stopped working, lost confidence had PN with first child. I’ve suffered with my MH since my twenties, despite this I’m otherwise a very happy person, nobody would guess. My ex is a very angry person. Shouts a lot. When my youngest started school I set up my own business. It was my happy place and it gave me back my identity and slowly my confidence. While I was doing this my mum was diagnosed with a terminal illness. We were incredibly close. I’m so lost without her. After my mum died my husband became more controlling. Tried to stop me seeing my brothers and sister. Eventually I summoned the courage to tell him it was over. I use my inheritance otherwise I’d still be trapped as I had no money. It’s been 2 years and he’s dragging out the divorce as he knew I’d run out of money. He wants to sit and talk about the finances rather than use solicitors. While we were married he remortgaged without telling me - yes I’m an idiot. He said he was paying off the mortgage, but he’s only paid £50k. He earns £150k -£200k pa with bonuses. He’s been hiding money all these years. We have 50/50 shared childcare. I agreed to this because I needed to sort myself out. I’m back on my antidepressants and feeling better. I know the children feel safe and secure with me. We have routine, they know my rules, but we hug and laugh a lot too. My ds is 10 and dd is 13. Dd is so disappointed in her dad and his behaviour towards her and ds. He has no patience and shouts a lot. They’ve also seen him be aggressive towards me. I’m now going to go for more custody, but he’s going to go nuts. Not because he wants them, he just doesn’t want me to have them or pay maintenance. Ex wants me out of the house so he can buy a place with his girlfriend. He only wants to pay spousal maintenance for a year, he doesn’t want to give me any of his (final salary) pension. My pension is £20k!! Today I got an email from him saying he’s going to give notice to the children’s school because he can’t continue with solicitor’s fees and their school fees. The children have been through so much already. I’d rather live in a one bed flat than take them out of their schools. I have a minimal salary. As soon as I can support myself I will gladly cut my financial ties with him. My business is a startup and it has the potential to be amazing. I have to make it a success as it’s my only hope for a future for my children and me, but I’m scared that I won’t be able to manage it and the divorce and the financial pressure I’m under. I scared I’m going to everything.
Sorry I just needed to off load. Not looking for answers, but perhaps just a kick up the arse. I’ve come so far I just need to keep going.