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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is despicable?

46 replies

PrivateMum222 · 25/03/2019 21:19

Quick disclaimer just in case: Daily Mail and all other tabloids can piss off.

So... DH and I live on a very quiet road with our three-year old son and have been here for ten years with lovely, kind, mostly retired neighbours in a decent area.

New neighbour moved in last September with her son and, amongst other (less appalling) things like smoking weed outside, leaving fag butts in our garden, beeping car horn late at night etc our biggest concern is that her language is atrocious. She regularly calls her DS a "fucking cunt" for the whole road to hear, screams and shouts at him at all hours of the day and every other word is "fuck" or "fucking" at the top of her voice. The child even asks her not to speak to him like that and yet she carries on calling him a fucking cunt and that she'll send him away to boarding school and call the police on him.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to a swear but I don't do in front of my child and I really don't want him privvy to it - especially this summer when windows will be open and we'll be in the garden - especially at such an impressionable age. Just last week, nursery have flagged that he's been using the word "naughty" which is considered a swear word in that setting, so I'm nervous that he's going to pick up something far worse.

We're considering a move so can't afford to get into any sort of dispute with her but there's no way we'll be able to appeal to her better nature, I'm not sure that she has one. So what on Earth do we do?

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 25/03/2019 21:28

Ever consider reporting her abusive behavior towards her child to social services? If nothing more than to protect the poor child?

Nofilter101 · 25/03/2019 21:30

Report to ss

Thankssomuch · 25/03/2019 21:33

Report to SS. If that’s how she treats him in public, imagine what she does in private.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 25/03/2019 21:33

Quick disclaimer just in case: Daily Mail and all other tabloids can piss off.

😂 what do you think this^ does? They just screen grab or c&p the bits they want to print!

Yes she’s despicable. Is she a tenant or home owner?

Original poster
PrivateMum222 · 25/03/2019 21:42

DH and I discussed SS but, really what would they do? They're dealing with far more serious cases...

She's a tenant and I do have landlord's number but figured we should chat to her first... That said, I hate confrontation and I've heard her threaten violence whilst on the phone (not to her child) so it makes me a little nervous.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 25/03/2019 21:44

Are there other neighbours who you know would support a call to the landlord? She’s smoking weed in their property for starters!

NoisesInTheNight · 25/03/2019 21:44

Call social services. You'll gain nothing by confronting her and the child deserves protection. You don't know that they won't help and the landlord can't do much to protect the poor child. Call them tomorrow. I can't imagine allowing it to go on this long let alone any longer.

NoisesInTheNight · 25/03/2019 21:45

Do contact the landlord though re her behaviour but the child deserves protection and SS will be of more use with that than the landlord.

Thankssomuch · 25/03/2019 21:46

You don’t know how serious this case is. All you know is what you see/hear - and that’s enough to cause concern. SS will make the judgement about whether to intervene/ what actions to take.

Dutch1e · 25/03/2019 21:47

If you're afraid of her imagine how the kid must feel.

Go over and have a chat. You don't have to go in all guns blazing, just suss out the situation, maybe help the woman keep her cool and ask the poor little guy over sometimes to give him a break.

Thankssomuch · 25/03/2019 21:49

The landlord can’t control a tenants behaviour although he/she can say they are causing a nuisance - it doesn’t sound like this tenant is going to be unduly bothered about that though..

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 25/03/2019 21:50

It is always worth reporting abuse even if you think nothing will happen. That's for them to decide.

You only have a very small window into the situation, once reported they have the ability to investigate the fuller picture.

One of the commonest things I hear from adults who have been in abusive situations as children is "not a single person ever reported it they must have heard/saw/knew but none ever called anyone to help me"
Most of these adults knew it might have been no help at all but knowing that no one ever bothered made them feel that no one ever cared enough about what was going on or it took many years to stop minimising things because for years they told themselves well it can't have been that bad or I must have deserved it because no one ever reported it.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 25/03/2019 21:51

Bloody hell not none I meant to say no one!

NoisesInTheNight · 25/03/2019 21:52

I really wouldn't confront someone like that(Except in an emergency e.g she's physically harming the boy). She won't take it well and may take it out on the child if she think that he's been talking. You can't reason with people like that. Let SS deal with it.

Babyornotbaby · 25/03/2019 21:54

Your disclaimer is useless.

PumpkinPie2016 · 25/03/2019 21:56

It sounds horrendous but I wouldn't confront her directly - she clearly doesn't see any issues with the way she treats her poor son.

I would report it to social services and let them deal with it.

Myheartbelongsto · 25/03/2019 21:57

i love how your complaining about her bad language and your first sentence is telling people to piss off.

IHateUncleJamie · 25/03/2019 21:59

If you’re not sure whether SS would deal with it, why don’t you phone the NSPCC for advice?

SpareASquare · 25/03/2019 21:59

Quick disclaimer just in case: Daily Mail and all other tabloids can piss off
Hard to get past this. What does it do? Or what do you THINK it does?

Yes, behaviour is despicable.
If you were truly concerned about the child, however, you'd call SS.

NunoGoncalves · 25/03/2019 22:00

It's a well-known fact that news outlets are legally prohibited from reporting on events if they've been told to piss off beforehand.

Babyornotbaby · 25/03/2019 22:04

PS. naughty s isn’t a swear word.

Servalan · 25/03/2019 22:10

Definitely worth a call to SS. They may act, they may not - but better they have the choice than not know that a choice needs to be made on this and meanwhile this poor kid suffers at the very least extreme emotional abuse.

For all you know, the family could be known to them but pieces needed for the jigsaw that gives them the bigger picture.

Nnnnnineteen · 25/03/2019 22:11

I reported a neighbour to their child's school for speaking like that to their child and they treated it as a safeguarding concern

Mumofaprinny · 25/03/2019 22:16

Ok, as for chatting to her first, she really does sound unhinged so I’m not sure that’s a great idea. Yes I would contact social services anonymously and the next time you hear her screaming at him, I would call the police. She is abusing her child and it’s not ok. If it continues after that, contact the landlord.

puppy23 · 25/03/2019 22:17

@Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom 100% yes - I've said this so often.
OP, SS may do nothing but at least by reporting it you've given it a try and its out of your hands.

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