To think this is a perfectly acceptable diet for a toddler?

[SuddenBeetE]

Apologies for a fairly dull AIBU..

My DS4 is about to turn 3. He can be a bit ‘ ‘not a chance mate’ over some foods, but I think generally eats well.

My SIL (who has 2 DC, 5 and 2) is obsessed with him being a ‘fussy eater.’ She literally mentions it every time we see her, asks how his eating is, what I’m going to do, what he ate that day. It’s fucking infuriating, tbh. I can’t actually eat a meal or meet for coffee/cake with her because she constantly tries to bribe and cajole DS into eating something new, or clearing his plate. She’s almost gleeful if he doesn’t like something. My older DSs eat everything, but they’re teens now.

I do like my SIL, we’re not particularly close but do meet up fairly regularly with the kids as they’re close in age and get along. I’ve tried to just ignore or redirect the conversation to no avail.

This is what my DS ate today, for example.

B- 2 weetabix, a banana
S- an apple, few cracker biscuits at playgroup
L- poached egg on toast, peas, melon slice
D- veggie bean chilli (carrots, peppers in), 1/2 jacket spud, cheese, chocolate hob nob

AIBU to think this is pretty average for toddlers, honestly?

If she thinks he's a fussy eater she should have met me at that age! The only thing out of that I'd have eaten at that age would've been the cracker!

I would ask her straight out what her kids have eaten that day that she thinks yours is missing out on. That will soon shut her up.

you got your toddler to eat veggie bean chilli

Mine won’t eat anything “saucy” so I’m really envious. No way of hiding veggies anywhere but in plain sight here.

My 3 yr old

Brek- buttered toast
Lunch - pasta must be plain. Cheese is the work of the devil ditto sauce
Tea mash and fishfingerz
All fruit and veg in smoothies

I'm rather jealous

You should throw it back at your DSIL. Something along the lines of "It must be a nightmare getting your kids to try different things, don't they get bored with all that beige stuff?"

@ilovecheese1 my DS2 was like that. Ate fuck all for years, save for the odd grape and a bite of a baby bel. I thought he’d just fade away one day, so small he was at 2. He’s 15 now, 6ft 1, centre back for our city youth footy team, and for his dinner had 2 jacket potatoes, big portion of veggie chilli, half a pack cheese, some pulled pork from the freezer, an avocado, bowl of Greek yoghurt with walnuts, 2 satsumas and a kitlat. He’ll have porridge or toast before bed, too.

Sure your DD will be fine.

So I’ve had a ‘fussy eater’ before, and I’m pretty sure SIL never mentioned it back then. Just my littlest, poor sausage.

I’m feeling brave, I’m going to mention it tomorrow

Will report back!

Nora he really likes spicy food. Won’t eat fishfingers or nuggets. Would be easier tbh!

Well, I’d definitely mention today’s bean chilli to her!
Seriously, just say “Oh, why do you think that?” if she says he’s fussy. Then you can refute it happily and cheerfully with bean chilli as an example.

She might be trying to find common ground if hers are fussy? Or she feels defensive about it? Is she odd herself about food? I cannot imagine any mother of two young kids thinking leaving the carrot sticks or not wanting the cucumber is fussy!

That sounds like a really good varied and healthy diet tbh.

If it helps at all when my DS was a similar age the only things he would eat were sausages, tinned macaroni cheese and bananas. I gave him a multivitamin every day and waited it out.

I would warn her that the more attention she pays to your DS's diet the more likely he will become fussy!!

@NoSquirrels yes she’s odd herself about food. Long list of things she won’t eat, has been the same for as long as I’ve known her.

I don’t ever say anything about it to her though, or her kids diets. If they eat here I make a generally safe meal or will quietly (so as not to upset her DS who is quite picky and all round sensitive chap) offer to just do sandwiches/crisps instead for the little ones. I really hope I’ve not upset her by offering that?
I’ve got loads of DC and I’m always fine if one of them doesn’t like something, they can leave it and help themselves to something else.

For mine:

DD1 - you'd have been lucky to get the potato and a bit of cheese down her with two nibbles at the Hobnob.

DD2 - nah.

Their permanent dislikes were - peas, cooked carrots, peppers, mushrooms, mashed potato unless put through a ricer, bananas and milk.

However, they would eat

Strawberries, grapes, cucumber, raw carrot, broccoli, cauliflower, rice, chicken korma, salmon, cod, prawns, prawns in cocktail sauce on french stick, waffles, seabass in a tomato sauce, sushi, roast potatoes, boiled potatoes, bolognese (as long as the tomato was passata, not pieces), tuna, sweetcorn, clementines, yoghurts with no bits, fromage frais (both now only eat dairy free yoghurts as they are lactose intolerant like me), jelly, Dairlylea lunchables, custard, chocolate custard, homemade gammon, duck pancakes, cherry tomatoes, bacon, ham, Mc Donalds if they could guarantee no gherkin, battenberg cake, pizza made from scratch if they could put the ham and mozzarella on themselves, roast chicken, homemade sweet and sticky spare ribs, lambs lettuce, chicken nuggets in batter (preferred homemade goujons, though), Greggs sausage rolls, burgers made from pure mince, Yum-yum doughnut things - and vanilla ice cream with mini cookie cereal.

You certainly wouldn't think of them as fussy when they were let loose on Yo! Sushi. Cost me a bloody fortune, the pair of them - the youngest would scan the approaching bowls like a hawk sizing up an unsuspecting little mouse.

They definitely ate better than I did. I was supposed to be a fussy eater because I was so thin - nah, it was just that my mother's cooking was shit. I certainly made up for it once I had control of what I ate

There’s your answer then. She has issues herself (and so do her DC) a
D so it’s a topic that causes her anxiety/obsession and she’s projecting. Nothing to do with your DS in the slightest.

If she mentions it again tomorrow I’d still go with the “Why do you think that?” and Bean Chilli Defence but I’d also just bat it away as much as possible with a “I don’t like to make a big deal out of food around my DC” and cite your teen as evidence that’s a healthy approach. Then basically refuse to ever collude in any conversation about food!

I’d be very happy if my 3 year old would eat that. Mine is fussy, it’s a nightmare. She literally has about 5 foods that she rotates.

Today DS (19 months) has had

Breakfast - two bowls of cereal (mixture of Weetabix, Alphabites, Rice Crispies, Cornflakes, Shreddies), easy peeler, a corner of toast (possibly with jam, I wasn't there) stolen from his dad.
Toddler group - Coconut ring biscuit
Lunch - cheese sandwich
Snack - as many mini apple rice cakes as he could con me out of
Dinner - spinach & ricotta tortellini with peas, some godawful prepacked hidden veg sauce I won't be buying again, and a tiny bit of cheese

I'd say he eats pasta and sauce more days than strictly necessary, but it's easy. Usually eats more fruit in a day than that. Probably need to up his veg generally. Monday is our "go places on the bus" day, though, so convenience usually wins out.

Your son's day sounds perfectly acceptable to me. DS would possibly try the chili, leave the potato, and probably eat most of the rest tbh.

DS is actually 21 months, not sure where 19 came from there.

I would be over the moon if my toddler ate that. He has about 10 foods. Most of which are beige in colour and live in the freezer. I feel happy when he eats pizza (because of the tomato sauce). Hell, I'm happy when he eats a piece of toast most times. I actually did a little dance when he ate a chicken nugget yes a chicken nugget! Because before that there was no variety!

I have 2 kids who really are fussy eaters! I'd be over the moon if they ate like your DS.

Sounds like a great diet to me! SIL has Issues IMO.

Whenever people have opinions on what other people's kids eat, I take great satisfaction in telling them about my two when we went to Mexico. DS1 (7) ate everything he could get his hands on - chilli grasshoppers, raw prawns, cerviche octopus. DS2, on the other hand, existed solely on a diet of tortillas (plain), tortilla chips (plain) and the odd banana, and made puking noises at everything else. It's luck of the draw whether you get good eaters or not.

Ps should clarify that's not a stealth boast - DS1 is an amazing eater and DS2 at the time was a terrible one. I don't think I'm responsible for either of those things.

At 10 my eldest is allowed fizzy drinks on high days and holidays so the last time they were round ours for dinner he had a diet irn-bru, I thought they were going to keel over.

Sil and mil once lectured me for a good five minutes when I said the kids had had coke at a party they were at, I wouldn't have minded but I was saying that the kids had never had coke until they went to parties at play areas. A few years later we were at dinner at their house and there was a bottle of coke on the table. DS(10) asked for a glass and they all rounded in on him, coke is so bad etc etc so I said ' It's on your table and it's a special occasion' Our relationship was never quite the same. You never think you'll be defending a kid's right to a fizzy drink!!

Sounds like she has food issues and is projecting - it's a bit obsessive to mention it so much, and actually I'm not sure that most people would even particularly notice what food someone else's child had left on their plate as long as they'd eaten at least some of it. She must be watching what everyone else is eating all the time.

God this reminds me of a mum at the children's centre where I used to take mine when they were little. Her youngest boy, same age as my kids (2 at the time) had various diagnoses and she reckoned his restricted diet was an aspect of that. I was like, oh, what does he eat then? Turned out, chicken and fish but nothing with breadcrumbs, all the fruit they had out at the children's centre (apple, orange, pear, banana), peas, broccoli, raw carrot and cucumber, hummus, white bread but not brown, and Weetabix. My kids at the time ate a similar diet and I was very happy with that, you can make a balanced diet out of that stuff. I remember her complaining because he only liked one type of biscuit! Surely one's enough? It's not a food group

Time to take her aside and have a word. Whatever the topic is, it’s comng between you. You are allowed to (smilingly) ask that she ‘not go there’. Tell her you need an agreement between you that you’ll ‘agree to disagree’ about him being a fussy eater. You really need her to steer clear of the topic, for the good of the relationship (that you treasure).

Once you’ve said it clearly and diplomatically, you get to ditch the bitch if she continues. Conscience clear.

My 4yo DS wouldn't eat like that. I would be thrilled if he did. Now HES a fussy eater. I've actually been to the doctors about it with him. He's getting slightly better but still awful. I still wouldn't want someone commenting on him every time we go out.

Also teaching children to eat everything on their plate isn't healthy.

I would have to tell her every time she does it. I can be a bit doormatty and anything for an easy life but I would tell her every time she starts about his eating 'I'm quite happy with what he eats' 'we don't make him finish his food' or even 'can you just stop commenting about his eating' or I would simply stop going out with her and tell her why if she asks. I find this kind of competitive parenting exhausting.