To move house for this reason?

[trebless]

Many won't understand if they don't have a child with special needs.....

But I do. He's autistic. It's it's time to look at secondary schools for him.

Where we live they aren't many options. He needs to go to a special needs school over mainstream. Everyone agrees - his school now, support worker etc

However....where we live, he won't get a space in the special needs school due to us living 1/2 a mile out of that local council.

In order for him to get a place in the special needs secondary school, we need to move. No questions asked. The spaces are so limited at the school that they prioritise the local children before the ones on the outskirts. That's how it works.

I've looked around this secondary school who have said that yes he should have a place there but due to the school being over subscribed and where we live, he won't get a place.

There are no other schools. I've looked around the mainstream schools here who have said they would do their very best for my son but they probably couldn't accommodate his needs.

We rent. We need to give one months notice.

Dh is my ds step dad. He doesn't want to move. He said he won't move from one house to another for this reason.

I need to move. I need to do what's right for my son. It won't affect anything for dh as far as his life changing. We just need to move 1/2 a mile up the road!

Aibu to move?? I'm just a mum putting her son first.

Please don't suggest alternatives as there really isn't any. We don't move then he goes into mainstream

@azulmariposa thanks for that but in my area they can. Places are soooo limited.

Ds is in mainstream primary. He doesn't start secondary until 2020. But there's 2 children in his school now who start secondary next year who have been refused an erp place all because is spaces. It's a real problem in our area.

I've got 3 kids, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I am a mum to two children with additional needs so I totally understand and have in fact done the same myself, I sold my house and moved into and moved into a smaller one to get the house I wanted in the area I wanted to get a better school. It was so worth it.

So yes to move, leave the other half though, he doesn't sound worth you time.

*your

But it's a house. Ds is my life.

Hopefully your DH will come to the same realisation that you are his life and he'd be mad not to go with you over a house. If he doesn't come to that realisation then you're probably better off without him. Sorry to be blunt and I do hope it's the first outcome

Your son comes first every single time.
Not sure I could stay with someone that had so little regard for my child.
I would move immediately and not meccessarily with dh. This would be a deal breaker for me.

Good luck op, the school sounds absolutely ideal for your child and the alternative doesn’t sound very good at all.

well that's the beauty of renting, the flexibility you get. BUT your house does sound great.

Could you afford to move just you & your son. Your dh stays put.
Get him in and then move back?
It may not be as easy as you think to find a house you're as happy in.

OP You are not BU. Not at all. Take the step and increase his chances. His happiness will bring you joy and taking steps now to make it possible for your DS to get into the right school for him is the right thing to do. Dont worry about DH. He may come around when he realises just how important this is to you and your future but if he decides to end your marriage over this, his loss.

We are just now starting to realize that our dd has SN. We are moving heaven and earth and draining our bank accounts to make sure she gets what she needs. Moving half a mile up the road is nothing. I’d tell him that you are moving without him if necessary.

Then start looking at places, maybe when he goes and visit one that is also nice, he might be less anxious at the prospect of giving this one up.

YANBU! We moved up the road for my DS (not SN) and DH knew it would be a faf selling the house etc but was behind me 100 per cent.

Do it before the chance passes.

You are right to move if that is required, no question - but I really would query the point about locality. SEN schools (if named in the EHCP by local authority) do not work on catchment in the same way as mainstream. Unless you mean you live across the county line and that a different local authority controls the school? This is law, there is no regional change in that.

EHCPs are legally binding once issued-and schools are named based on their ability to meet a child's needs, unless there is a closer school that has been shown to meet your child's needs instead.

It would be well worth posting in SN Chat.

I'm a parent to a child with SN by the way too, and am also considering moving house to be nearer the Special school we hope will be named in his EHCP

Move. As a mum of an SN child, move.

Your husband is being a dick. Of course your child should come first under the circumstances, and it's not a huge ask when you look at the big picture. And you've gone out of your way for him plenty of times?

I'd let him know that he's massively letting you down with his self-centredness, and that you will be moving because long term it's the best thing for your special needs child.

I think YADNBU, it's a no brainer as you are renting and only need to give a months notice. Yes, moving is a pain but much less of a pain than having to deal with your child going through 5 years of inadequate support at school. Hope your partner comes round.

@missfliss I'm being told left right and centre that we need to move. From my school now, to the senco at the sen school, to the council etc etc....because spaces are so limited, it goes to a panel who decides who gets the places and who doesn't.

Also the mum of an SN child although mines only nearly 4.

Seriously considered moving though to get DD into a specific school who can meet her needs. Her EHCP was accepted though and she got a place, but i'd have to move less than a mile too.

Thankfully it's just me and DD and a cat to consider, but I could see her dad kicking up a fuss if we had to move further from him even if it didn't affect his contact.

@trebless

Actually no legally they can't, @azulmariposa is spot on. Whoever has told you otherwise is wrong. Particularly if you have approached more local schools and they are happy to confirm they are unable to meet need. It then becomes your nearest school (with transport as part of the package). If its named on the EHCP they have to take you. If they refused you start the process of taking it to tribunal. Chances are if you evidence local schools being unable to meet need they will capitulate at the mediation or pre tribunal stage because a tribunal will most make them regardless.

@GreenEggsHamandChips I've already said this to Sen school many times but the response I get form them is always the same. When I went to a parents evening with other parents, we were all told the same then too. They have 3 spaces a year for year 7's and that's it. It's not an actual sen, it's a base attached onto a mainstream but they stay in that base at all times, do their own curriculum, have their own playground but can go into mainstream to do a subject they really enjoy to try gain a gcse for it.

I'm just not willing to chance it tbh.

I have an autistic DS too and I think your husband is BVU.

@greeneggshamandchips unless of course the school is oversubscribed with children who all have it named in their EHCP. Then the schools admission criteria/council panel have the final say. At least, thats how I understand it.

I agree with other pp's who have said you don't need to move unless the school you want is in another LA/ borough to the one you live in and therefore preference will be given to residents (children) of that LA/ borough. If your current LA say that your ds needs should be met in a specialist/ special school then they would consult with the ones in your area, and usually they will name the closest one due to transport costs, unless you agree to incur the transport costs to a further away school. I think you need some advice from IPSEA (or the equivalent) in your area.
Moving house in the hope of getting into a special school is risky, but I too would do it if I was absolutely sure that my child could get a place.

Of course not BU at all to move!

Most of the people on my street have specifically moved to be in the catchment of our kids school, and most of them bought.

I am sure many parents chose their house based on the school catchments, so if you have the flexibility when you are renting, I can't see why you wouldn't. I did, and would do again if needed.

Do it.

Might be different if you had to sell/buy, but you are renting. Bit of shame when you have a nice landlord - don’t suppose they have any other properties within the school catchment?

@fourplusfour that's exactly this situation. Every year threy get more applications than they can accommodate so it goes to a panel who decide. That's how it works.

I understand what others are saying re the named school on an ehcp but.it doesn't work like that here.

Parents are disappointed every year as they didn't get in. Then they go to tribunal. They can't all get a place. it doesn't work like that.