Worried no man will ever fancy me again

[pigbee]

I've just left an abusive relationship, after having a baby. The abuse developed and got worse throughout pregnancy. He made me feel disgusting. Fat. Ugly. Stretch marky. Wobbly. Lopsided etc.

I've gone from a toned size 8-10 to a flabby size 12-14. So I'm not that big and my BMI is fine, but I am SO flabby and covered from calves to arms in big red stretch marks. This paired with my ex drilling in to me that I'm fat, that nobody will go near me and that I am damaged goods because I've had a baby (apparently men don't like women with babies...) has damaged my self esteem. I'm truly ashamed of my body. I know I should be proud of it.

Has anyone else felt similar and learnt to be okay with their body? I don't want a new relationship just yet, I want to be single for a while, but it doesn't stop me worrying about the future and how utterly unattractive I feel...

Thanks all. I know not all men are like this. My dad and brothers are so wonderful and the way they talk about women is lovely to hear. So I know nice men are out there. It's just been drilled in to me that nobody will accept my kinda weird looking body

My first boyfriend told me I was putting on weight and that nobody would ever want me again. It was nonsense.

Some men are shits.

The only ugly thing here is your ex’s attitude towards you. He was saying those things to break you , control you and keep you small. They are not true, and learning not to believe them will be a victory over him.

I’m so so sorry you’ve been treated this way.

I follow a gorgeous woman on Instagram. She is a mum of three who works out.
She has a million stretch marks and wobbly bits but has huge body confidence, it’s so refreshing. You can be a mum and be gorgeous too, please don’t accept this. X x x

My wife's ex tried this with her, no-one will want you with kids and that body, when you leave you're going to be alone forever etc, etc. (When they split he refused to leave the house for months until she could scrape together the money to buy him out. He was such an abusive asshole, she's still terrified of him to this day.

I can happily say he was wrong, I very much want her and fancy her, because she's an amazing person, she has stretch marks (I call them her go faster stripes), she has wobbly bits too and I find them all beautiful.

He was just trying to keep you down so leaving him seemed a harder more daunting prospect. Those words were about control, if no-one would want you then why did he?

Every time I feel a bit "yuk" about myself I remember that there is no accounting for taste. Eg I could always see that objectively Brad Pitt is handsome but he really doesn't do it for me. And there are people who I don't see as being at all attractive that have someone that loves them. Basically how you feel about you isn't how other people feel about you. Can you find another way to take back control. A new haircut or an outfit that flatters the figure you have now, or an amazing pair of shoes? I have chronic illness and my body is heavier than I'd like and can't move how I want to so I have a lot of tattoos. At least when I look in the mirror I see beautiful artwork.