AIBU to not contribute to this?

[EleanorOalike]

Long story short;

I’ve received an email from a colleague asking me to pop into her office and sign a card and contribute some money towards a collection for a member of staff that I have never met and most likely will never meet who will be going off on maternity leave in a few weeks.

I rarely see any other colleagues in my department, I’m just left to my own devices with the permanent team avoiding me (and others with my job role) and not being open to conversation or suggestions we could chat over a break or lunch once every couple of months. It’s pretty lonely. The job is very poorly paid and basically a zero hours contract.

I’d even feel weird about signing a card given that I’ve never met this woman.

I also have another job on the side and have frequently contributed a lot of money towards baby gifts, major birthdays, celebrations etc but have never once received even a card. I’ve worked there almost five years. I’m single and a bit of an Eleanor Oliphant (read giant lonely loser lol). I feel I give so regularly especially given that I’m on a limited income and never have it reciprocated and it seems a bit ridiculous to now expect to be giving money to someone I’ve never even seen before.

How unreasonable would it be to opt out of this kind of thing?

I'd just reply with "Who?"

You don't even need to give a long explanation if you do feel you need to reply, you can just write, "This isn't in my budget. Cheers, OP".

She's probably just sent it to you because she sends it to everyone, not having given much thought to relationships and connections. I would ignore.

Just sign the card then everyone is happy, I mean does it really matter if you know her or not? All one big team, a nice gesture goes a long way.

Seriously, giving £20 to a collection for someone you’ve never met “so everyone is happy”? Come on ScarletBitch, really?

The person organising the collection has made it clear they want to buy a specific item but won’t be able to if there aren’t enough contributions

And this is your problem exactly how? You have a collection and choose an item, or vouchers with the money collected, not the other way round, unless everyone in a particular group agrees to do it that way.

I would reply that I don't know the person so won't be contributing.

That’s the point thought, we aren’t one big happy team. No one comes near me, it’s a very friendless environment. I’m expected to stay in my room, take lunch and breaks alone. At one point, I realised most of the department took a break at a certain time so I went to the cafeteria at the same time hoping to get to chat to someone. On two occasions, someone saw me, waved at me and when I went over to say hi, how are you doing etc they blanked me and I felt like a tit. On another occasion, my Line Manager and several of my colleagues and I were leaving at the same time. I said Hi and there was a group conversation going on, I smiled and nodded and then one by one people started looking funny at me. It wasn’t a confidential chat, it was something that was appropriate for me to have been there for or been involved with but my Line Manager held up her hand to quiet the person speaking and said “is there a reason you are still here? Did you need to speak with someone?”. I felt absolutely crushed.

So what is the point of pretending we are one big happy team? It’s not just me in this position, it’s almost everyone with my job title.

I’d be horrified if someone I knew had to dish out money for me and I’d find it pretty odd that they signed a card when they’d never met me.

I’ve decided. I am not doing it.

To explain the incident above a bit more, we were all headed in the same direction and a couple of the department said “Hi Eleanor, how are you?” and we made brief small talk and then another member of the department brought something up to everyone, like “oh by the way, the new manuals will be arriving soon. To be honest, I’d like to arrange a training day on it too so we could all have a look at it together and see if any questions come up-“ Then she started railing off and looking at me and other people had been staring at me in and off. And then my Line Manager cut her off and pointedly looked at me and said the above.

We were all stuck in the corridor outside our rooms and it was awkward for me to then squeeze past them.

The whole incident was just humiliating and I felt like an idiot. I did tell my Line Manager that I felt embarrassed by what had happened and wasn’t sure if I’d done something wrong and she just said the topic of conversation had changed and that I had to learn to drop out of conversations graciously and get used to people not wanting to chat.

I’ll be walking into work or out of work and see her in the corridor and I’ll smile and say “Hi!”, just that, and she’ll hold her hand up at me and say abprutly “No time to talk”. A couple of times she’s knocked on the door to say hello, how am I and I’ll have barely got an answer out and she’ll say “don’t you have a client in a moment? Best not dither around.” When it was her that interrupted! And some of the time I have needed to disclose something Safeguarding related to her.

Ugh the more I type the more I can’t wait to get the hell away.

Ugh. They sound like horrible people (and your Line Manager in particular, who should know better).

Are you planning on staying there OP - or looking for somewhere else where might be more appreciated (and, maybe, better financially rewarded)? 🌹

I'd say you have bigger issues than the bullshit collections. Is there any chance of securing another job in the near future as the current shower of bastards sound horrible to work for.

I’m trying to get a bursary to retrain elsewhere in a career that would mean I’d have a chance at leadership. If I get it I’d start after summer.

Fingers crossed OP.

Fingers crossed for you, OP, th as t sounds like an awful place.

Don't contribute unless you want to , and with this lot I can't see why you would.

That sounds genuinely almost abusively hostile! I have no idea how you've slogged away under that regime for so long.

Feel for you OP, it sounds hellish. Hope you get out of there soon, and certainly never ever give another penny. Laugh at them!

Why do they treat you like that, OP? Is your job title Plague Doctor or something?

I think that counts as workplace bullying. It's certainly undermining and personally insulting. I know you're trying to retrain and get away, but in the meantime why not call ACAS and see what they think of your colleagues' behaviour?

This sounds so horrible! I really hope you get out soon OP.

Have you told them you won't be contributing to the gifts anymore?

Thanks everyone.

@DarlingNikita haha no it’s “Bank (job role)” rather than “job role”. My contract is pretty dodgy and they just hire me for so many 100 hours at a time so they can get away with all sorts of crap and not have to fulfil any duties to me. Unfortunately, it’s all above board and cleverly worded by HR. With me being on temporary contract after temporary contract, I didn’t want to rock the boat with HR/Line Manager.

I am getting out though.

I'm sorry, OP. I'd still say call ACAS; you never know what they might say.

And best of luck for your bursary/training.

They sound vile. Don’t pay the “donation”, don’t sign the card, and don’t bother with any of the pricks again.

Good luck with finding a new job

Are you employed in concurrent temporary contracts? If they do that for four years or more then they may have to consider you a permanent employee.

There is also a regulation where they can't treat you differently purely on the basis of your temporary status.

www.personneltoday.com/hr/fixed-term-contracts-five-points-employers/

www.xperthr.co.uk/faq/at-what-point-does-an-employee-who-has-been-employed-on-a-series-of-successive-fixed-term-contracts-become-a-permanent-employee/111343/

www.xperthr.co.uk/faq/can-an-employer-treat-fixed-term-employees-less-favourably-than-it-treats-permanent-employees/27249/

Its a gift its not a blasted tax summons. Your boss had no right emailing you to ask for a contribution.
Not only that, but How does she know you have the money to make a contribution.

£20!!!!! away and fuck. I put £ five in and that's when I'm feeling ridiculously generous.

What a fucking shit shower they are. Bunch of bastards. No, don't contribute. Hope you get the bursary, do let us know. We're rooting for you.

Can feel the outrage at your line manager holding up her hand No time to talk...

Crikey. You work for a proper C+++, in.a C+++ factory, don't you?!

A boss who regularly snubs you and asks for £20 gifts for every tom dick and harry?!

What they want to buy and if they'll bully enough people into it is SO not your problem.

Just for a conparison. I work in a very small team. When there's a birthday I generally organise a card signed by everybody (I buy 10 for £1 at the card factory!), we do a £3 secret santa at Xmas and if somebody leaves there is an anonymous collection where the standard amount to put in IF you want to and are able is £2, maybe more if you've known that person a long time and like them very much!

You're already being treated like an outsider, there's no good will to lose by simply stopping putting in for presents, especially if it's been proven you're not going to receive any.

I'd ignore the email about the person you don't know - if you get cornered, tell them you don't know them so OBVIOUSLY it'd not appropriate for you to put in or sign the card.

If also get another job asap drop big juicy hints with no shame or embarrassment about how much your looking forward to your leaving present after all these hundreds of £s you've put in for other people's (insert big grin and said with lashings of honey)