To ask if you've ever had to discuss racism with a child and ask for your help with it

[HelloImAnonymous]

So my DD who is 6 made a comment this morning about the colour of a persons skin as they appeared on the TV. The comment was negative towards this person and shocked me as I've never heard her say anything like that before. I'm not sure whether the comment just came from her or whether she's heard something said elsewhere (certainly not from me or DH).

I said at the time that we do not say things like that about other people and the colour of skin does not matter, we are all the same and she did seem as though she hadn't realised what she'd said was wrong.

I want to have a proper conversation with her in a child appropriate way about these things as I didn't get much of a chance this morning and was wondering if anyone had any ideas as to how to discuss the subject in a child friendly way, perhaps a book or something I can get her?

Or is this drawing too much attention to what seemed like just a child's comment about something she didn't really understand?

There's loads of library books that discuss different colours, races and cultures. Take her to your local library and choose some.

Discuss the books with her and work out where she heard the negative comment as it came from somewhere, maybe a child at school.

What did she say? 6 is still very young - was she perhaps making an innocent observation rather than being malicious?

She may have heard it at school, everyone is equal, but it’s fine to talk about people’s skin colour etc, my son had a little girl ask why he was dirty, she was just trying to work out why he was brown that’s all.

If you're a fan of podcasts, "Your Parenting Mojo" has a few episodes on this topic. Interestingly, she actually discusses the evidence behind the development of racism, why it's necessary to proactively discuss it with kids and how.

I love all of that podcast.

I think you handled it well!

I've had to discuss it after witnessing a family member saying something racist (and me challenging them about it). When I discussed it I went from a historical perspective - in the past people thought it was alright to treat people badly because of race, but we know that everyone is the same inside, a few people still think racism is ok, but out family thinks it is very wrong.

We also have a flat rule that you never comment negatively on someone's appearance because it is rude.

I did it in a "it's not kind to point out physical traits" kind of way. Helps that one of my DC is blond, the other brunette; boy/girl; one has a scar, so used those as examples.

From a very young age we have discussed with DS the colour of peoples skin. From the moment he started pointing people out and questioning their skin.
Science works best for us - we explained that their ancestors would have lived in hot countries and that their skin had truned brown to protect them from the sun. That they were exactly like us on the inside, but had clever skin.

Twotome

The reason I think it was said in a negative way and she's perhaps heard something from someone else is because she said 'eww' before making the comment.

Thank you for the library suggestion.

She's a kind little girl so it surprised me and I think I need to make more effort to ensure she understands fully as clearly she doesn't right now. As you say, she is young still.

Had to discuss race in general with dd1 who is the same age recently - not in the context of any negative comments but more as she's really jealous of her three friends who have lovely curly hair because of being either black or mixed race - while she is cursed with the poker straight, fine and uncooperative hair that she inherited from me!

Just discussed in terms of people's grandparents and further back in generations coming from different parts of the world and skin and hair being different types and colours. Honestly - she had noticed the hair difference (enviously) but had hardly registered different skin colours at all - totally oblivious is my daughter!

She's still pissed off her hair isn't nice and curly!

Ds went through what I describe as his "racist vegetarian" stage. He started announcing that he "doesn't like black people" because they "kill wildlife"
I eventually traced this back to a single scene in a documentary he'd seen which did indeed show some black people on a hunting trip.
I told him calmly that most people (black and white) eat meat but that many black people are vegetarian and don't kill animals.
Then I talked to him about some black kids he was friendly with and some other black people who have been kind to him and told him more sternly that they would all be very hurt if they knew he had said such a thing.

I would just use it as a chance to talk about why we don’t comment negatively on another persons appearance. My DS is 5 and recently did the same with someone who had a birth mark across his face. They are still young and learning, I wouldn’t make too big a deal out of it.