Not to invite this child again?

[Shiroc]

I have invited this 5yrs old a few times and also we have been invited to one of my friends house when she was there. My concern is; She don't listen, she want everything to herself and if she don't get it she will start crying. For example I asked her not to play with slime on the carpet but she did exactly that, I asked her not to go outside before having dinner but she didn't listen. She will cry for sweets in my house and encourage my daughter to do so but I didn't give in to it. I feel like she brings chaos in my house. I noticed she did the same when she was invited to the other friends house. I do understand she is a child but I just want her to listen and follow the rules of the house.

If your DD isn't really good friends with her then I wouldn't worry about not inviting her again. No big deal. Unless there's some sort of backstory?

I made it a rule after a few nightmare play dates, many, many years ago, not to put up with behaviour from other people's children that I wouldn't tolerate from my own. I had no problem telling other parents this either! Life is too short.

That's the problem because they are close friends at school.

When the weather is nicer why not go with the other mum to the park after school that way the children get to play but your house is respected and there is a finite amount of time?

I wouldn't have her over again. If you do then you will have to treat her as one of your own and discipline accordingly. If you feel you can't do that then don't invite. They can still have their friendship in school or you could suggest to her parents to meet up at a play centre instead of bringing her to your house.

I would also stick to meeting up somewhere neutral

She's only 5 so hopefully she'll grow up soon. Perhaps you could arrange play dates with parents at a soft play instead. If they're close friends and I'd probably have her occasionally, grit my teeth and know that she'll require more supervision than most. In a year or two if they're even still friends she'll be easier to handle.

Thanks for your replies.

Had a similar issue with DD friend, had a chat with the friend and advised her she wouldn’t be invited again if she continued behaving badly. We had no problems after the chat, sometimes need to be told there are boundaries even at 5 they understand.

When he was around the same age, my DS1 had a friend who was naughty and didn't listen to instructions. I liked his mum and I was happy that DS had a friend (he was quite shy when he was little) so I kept having the child over, but I can't say I was upset when they drifted apart and DS1 made other friends.

They can be close friends at school, in parks etc but don’t invite her to your home because her bratty behaviour will be rubbing off on your own child. Why should you suffer for someone else’s lack of parenting skills?

Nothing wrong with you putting in boundaries for your house. DS had a right PITA friend so I told him that if he wanted to be invited again then he had to follow the rules of our house and if he didn't want to follow the rules then he couldn't come. His behaviour became less trying and when he did play up I just reminded him.

It's your home and entirely up to you who you invite round.

You don’t have to invite her to your house, they see each other at school five days a week. I don’t invite badly behaved kids back. It’s perfectly reasonable to expect her to follow the rules of your house when she’s there, and if she doesn’t then she can’t come round.

My “favourite” never invited back was a kid who spent the whole play date telling my child that “the guest gets to do what they want”. Never had him back again! I spent the whole play date having to referee.

At 5, she's probably not twigged that other peoples' houses and behaviour are different to hers at home.

Explain clearly to the child as soon as she arrives that in your house, everyone follows your rules.
Your house rules are different to her house's rules, but when she's in your house, she has to follow your rules or go home.

When children came over for play dates they were in my house, so they followed my rules. I expected my DCs to follow the rules of the houses they were in, if they had play dates.
Mine are older now, but this still stands. Teenagers traipsing in and out of my house are fine, as long as they behave and don't eat my chocolate!
Bright brisk tone with the child. 'in this house we don't do xyz... Right, let's play a game/go outside' etc.
You don't have to have children in your house if you don't want to, of course, and we all have that child we were happy our DC drifted apart from!
Your house, your rules.

At 5, she's probably not twigged that other peoples' houses and behaviour are different to hers at home.
It is sad if her parents have not made this clear. Because 5 year olds are perfectly capable of understanding this.

I like orchid’s idea of a play date with the other mum at the park. Or invite her for coffee at yours maybe?

Of course you aren’t obligated to invite her over on her own. You aren’t a childminder! But with the above^^ suggestion, at least the girls get to play together.

Limit the visits for now because you don't have to put up with unreasonable behaviour from someone else's child, however she is only five and will outgrow this,

When she's collected, let the mum know how she's been, as in "I'm afraid she got upset when I said no sweets" or similar. It's not so she gets told off by her mum, just that there's no reason why her mum can't know her daughter is like this at your house; if she's made aware she can talk to her daughter.

You are the adult. Just tell them, x I told you to stay indoors, can you come in now or do you want me to call your mum to take you home now? tell her your house rules and if she wants to visit and stay she needs to follow them or go home.

You could be talking about the little girl next door to me! She's the same age, and DS (3) idolises her. She's ruined a sofa and two carpets, DS then ruined two scatter cushions in the same way copying what she'd done (he knew it was naughty, and got told accordingly, but I'm still resentful of her planting the idea). She's only allowed to play in the garden when DS is out there, not in the house any more. Problem solved.

“the guest gets to do what they want”

Oh poor kid. Obviously had to play second fiddle to all guests and was looking forward to it being their turn this time!