To ban his drinking?

[Raffles1981]

I will try to keep this short. I just wonder if I am BU and a little precious.
My parents are both alcoholics. Have been my whole life. I don't have a relationship with my mother but I have one with my father. It's not a great one, but he lives on the other side of the world and so we don't talk/see eachother a lot. Since I had my DS he has not been that interested. He can be quite selfish and was not happy when I got pregnant. I'm his only daughter so I thought he would be pleased to have a grandson. My DS is 18 months old now and my dad has been in touch to say he will visit us soon. So AIBU to lay down some ground rules? He's hinted before at how he used to hit me with the belt - which I remember - when we were together last time. I'm actually a little worried. Can I say these are the rules;
You are not to discipline my child.
You are not to drink at all around my child.
You are not staying in our home.

How don't get me wrong. We drink, but not a lot and not when our DS is with us.

I'm not sure he would tap/slap our DS but I feel I need to get it said

And we live in the country. Last time he stayed, he just kept drinking and wandering off for a walk because he felt he was "trapped" I took this to be there are no shops or pubs within walking distance.
What do I do MN?

Alcoholism is an addiction. There is fuck all chance that he will turn up sober to visit your house in the first place never mind not drink when with you.

Do you actually want him to visit? What's in it for you and your family?

What @MrsBobDylan said

I know I'm probably wishing for the stars asking for him to stay away from drink, just for a few hours

I understand that you want and deserve a proper father, but wishing that this guy will ever step up to the plate is a waste of time.

You might as well put it like this:

"My father is a giant nest of wasps. Throughout my childhood, I was regularly stung by all the wasps and it made a pretty poor parent. Now I have a child. I really want the nest of wasps to step up and be a good grandparent, so I'm going to set some ground rules - no stinging my child and no buzzing round any jam we have out. Am I being unreasonable asking this? And to anyone who says 'why are you letting your child be around this nest of wasps', then all I can say is that the nest is very forceful."

OP, you are not wrong to want a relationship with your father but this guy is just not capable. You know this - stop wishing he will change and deal with the father you have, not the one you ought to have had.

@MrsBobDylan - thank you. I know you are all right. And I understand some people are struggling with my thought process. But this man has had a hold of me for a long time and has abused my love for him. Emotions are the reason I try to kid myself that I can lay boundaries. It's easy enough from the outside and that's why I posted the question. I need to hear points of view that are not clouded by emotional involvement and blind wanting to be loved.

Go to Al-Anon. It is specifically for people in your situation. They will help you.

'I don't want you to visit. If you ever decide to stop drinking and bulling, give me a call and I'll reconsider.'

So sorry you are going through this. My alcoholic brother and his fucking awful wife decided to visit some time ago. Every boundary ignored. Drinking from 8am. Racist, homophobic, ignorant comments. It was hideous and I don't ever want to see or speak to either of them again. Yet there is that family expectation and conditioning (particularly with us women) which riddles us with guilt when we want to say NO.

I hope you find the strength to say no.

They would promise the moon on a stick to get what they want. They are selfish, manipulative, and you know they’re lying when their mouths are moving.

Blue, this is spot on.

We really do mean the promises when we make them- because we can give up any time we like! Problem? What problem?

That's one of the most empathetic things I've ever read from a non-addicts, if that makes sense. Right on the nose.