To ask what being female means to you?

[Toorahtoorahaye]

Thought mumsnet might be a good place to ask as it’s mostly populated by women. I’ve always thought of being female simply as being the sex that the conceives, carries and gives birth etc. Seen this thread on twitter and the OP seems to be being vastly outnumbered in what i thought was a simple view of what “female” is. So wondered what it means to people here, how you would define “female” mobile.twitter.com/DeborahJaneOrr/status/1109031908162396161

Same as at least a couple of posters have said about being alert and careful while out. I envy men for the fact they can more or less going anywhere alone and feel safe. Also another shit thing about being a woman is having to lug a bag around most of the time 😬

Being part of the human race.

Being smaller, being sexual, having periods, growing life, having breasts - real, oddly sized, sometimes lumpy, sometimes saggy, sometimes full. Losing an ovary severely impacted how I felt as a woman for a while. Those pains low down that you only get through age, operations on your reproductive organs,medical conditions, pregnancy and childbirth. My identity and my experience of the world is entwined with my body. It's not reductive. It's nature, and there's nothing bigger or more overwhelming than that.

Happening to have been born with female biology and therefore facing a constant struggle to be considered to be a full and equal human being rather than merely 80% of one. (Not an armchair exercise either, in my case; I had to take a previous employer to court to get equal pay.)

For me, I think it's that I have the chromosomes and the biology makes me a female.
Periods, pregnancy, babies and labor would not be any of things I personally think makes you female, and I don't think it's about a feeling, it's biology in my opinion.

Well yes Assassinated I agree, it’s totally sexist. I am totally a woman, it’s very important to me - but as for why, I couldn’t tell you. I really struggle with the gender identity business, it feels like bollocks to me because the only thing that makes me a woman is my body - I in no way feel like a man. But can we really have ended up in a place where people believe they’re in a body of the wrong sex if it’s not more than that?

Having breasts
Having a vagina
Giving birth

I am very feminine although that seems less to do with my biology, to be honest

Nothing. I don’t give it a second thought

For me a big part of it is femininity, growing babies and being a nurturer. I try not to talk about it though because people then get very offended and say "oh, so women aren't proper women unless they grow a baby and act nurturing?". But this is what it means to me.

Female = xx chromosomes.
Male = xy chromosomes.

Apart from biology, everything else is individual to the person.
I LOATHE gender stereotypes and have worked very hard with my girls not to give them stereotypes.

I can wear coloured contact lenses or dye my hair and present myself to the world as something different, it doesn't change the fact that my eye and hair colour remain the same. And always will. Sex is the same. Unchangeable.

@PregnantSea I know what you mean. It doesn't make one more of a woman to have been pregnant, that doesn't even make sense, you're either a woman or you're not. But it is a uniquely female experience.

I don't think there's any common essence of being female. I would never presume that my experience of what it is to be female would be the same as someone else's.

I suppose it's in how we're raised starting at an early age. Then the massive hormonal effect of puberty, periods, alongside the social pressures and self consciousness and social expectations which all kick in around then. Then pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding are all massive specific female experiences (although not something that all women go through I know) which have changed me.

I also agree with the comments about fear. Thinking twice before walking home alone at night. Worrying that something I'm wearing might be too provocative somehow. Wanting to look nice, but anxiety for unwanted attention it might attract. I feel this more and more too.

EngagedAgain I feel exactly the opposite. I feel pretty confident walking around being female gives you protection against some men. Lots have been brought up to believe “ you don’t hit women’ whereas men are fair game. Statistically men are more likely to attack other me. I think.
I am happy to break up fights or arguments between men. And it works as long as you do it unemotionally.

I agree with a pp that the female body defines being a women. The constant time bomb of periods, the dread or expectation of pregnancy, pregnacy, hormones. I think even if you didn’t have periods or couldn’t get pregnant you would have to bring it up with future partners or justify being childless like those of us without children through choice. I don’t think men have to defend any of their decisions,

Years of being sole responsibility for me not getting pregnant. Sure a guy can turn up with protection but it’s not exactly 100% reliable. Believing it unlikely male contraceptive hormones will ever exist because Men believe there’s no need.

Having period so horrendous you pass out at your new job. Be questioned as to if they hired the right person when I kept disappearing in the loo because I felt I couldn’t tell the archaic male bosses at my firm at 19 it was actually a surprise miscarriage and in my interview I’d been told I better not have plans for dc as that’s why the role came up in the first place, the previous ‘silly girl’ went and got pregnant.

Shoving large watermelon sized item out of ones nether regions because I chose to have a baby and then breastfeeding in absolute pain until I’m in a pile of tears and bleeding nipples. Suffering pnd that makes you wonder why you ever did choose the watermelon route.

Being forced back to work by male bosses ringing you every week on maternity leave asking when you’ll be back as apparently my watermelon can be looked after by someone else now surely. Watching dh salary come on leaps and bounds while mine stagnates despite going back not so long after giving birth and being in the same field.

Having to demand pay rises, realising many women don’t demand pay rises whilst watching ‘one of the boys’ be promoted every single time. Keep demanding. Get pay rise. Get pushed out of entirely male firm for generally not being ‘manly enough’. (Was always being called ‘one of the men’ until baby). Being screamed at by male bosses twice the size of me. Having desks slammed by male twits who think they own me because they employed me. Having male bosses try to threaten me with paying back £££ of training fees if I ever said a bad word about them. Being forced to sign non disclosure to leave without problems by male bosses and male lawyer.

Sure there’s laws to protect you but have I got the money or courage for a small tribunal case? Nope.

Pnd being carried over through to new job which lasted a few months before I can’t take it anymore and end up unemployed. Watching all that I’ve worked so so hard for disappear in a few years being stuck at home too unwell to work and having to really put my foot down at home because apparently I’m no ‘domestic goddess’ whatever the fuck that means and something I do not aspire to be!

Eventually finding work in an absolute shit hole being paid near minimum wage after having a high rate tax payer career to discover the male bosses who’s wives also work at my office expect me to wash up all of their cups and do the cleaning despite me being hired to do admin office work. No men in my office only women, the men have a shiny glass fancy office. We have a non cleaned non heated shit hole. Ponder the meaning of life as I write next resignation letter and try to mention to the wives they should expect more of their dh as they are being treated as badly as the staff tbh.

I would be a man any day of the week but unfortunately humans can’t change sex.

BlueVelvet- I think you mean in general, whilst in other people's company, or in a crowd, and I agree with what you said. I probably didn't word it properly, but I meant walking around somewhere lonely alone. Another poster mentioned walking the dog in the woods, and having to be on high alert. As a woman I am careful where I walk, but I would LIKE to be able to walk anywhere I choose. So for me being a woman means I can't walk alone where I like (apart from the other things that are part of our lives!)

Thanks for the thoughtful feedback - so why did this woman on twitter get ridiculed, attacked and insulted for her definition on being female. The replies here seem to be somewhat in agreement with her.

Because Twitter is full of people with an ax to grind who will delight in telling a woman she's wrong and bad.

I grew a human being. Men cannot do that.

Neither can a lot of women.

But they are of the sex that can Seren

Why just take that one sentence from my post? Shady behaviour on your part.

Periods
Pregnancy
Being ignored
Being blamed for anything children do unlike dads.
I've never worried who's about when I go out though.

Not trying to be shady Fuzzy. As a female who is dysfunctional in the one respect that seems to define female I am a bit sensitive.

Also SheWoreBlueVelvet I don’t think I don’t think men have to defend any of their decisions,. Is quite true. Men who are open about not wanting children are seen as immature commitment phobic Peter pans, lacking in some fundamental quality that makes them decent family men.

@SerenDippitty the point is that men never can do that, nor would ever expect to, or seek help if they couldn't. Every woman is of the sex that has the potential to produce eggs and maintain a pregnancy. No man ever has that potential. As I said before, there's no sliding scale of being female, you either are or you are not.

🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m just me and never been anything else. So no idea what part of me is female and what is just me or if that is even divisible

As an infertile, middle aged woman this is how I feel now. I'm just me. My personality and intelligence and skills are more important than the genetic throw of the dice that gave me two X chromosomes.

Female is the biology, chromosomes and genetic capacity which is distinct from the biology, chromosomes and genetic capacity of males.

It's not very interested in your feelings on the matter.

Being able to manipulate men into getting what We want just by using our charm 😉