MIL’s house

[MiddleClassProblem]

Soooo MIL lives 5 hrs away. DH wants to take DD (4) to visit at Easter. Myself and the dog will stay home where he will watch me binge on Easter eggs and box sets

MIL is a lovely lady but a chain smoker and smokes in her house. She would stop smoking in the house whilst they stay but I’m not sure how long for in advance of their arrival, and not am I convinced she wouldn’t just do it out the window as she has done in holidays with us preDD where the let said no smoking in the house.

AIBU to want DD to stay in the house and suggest they get and Airbnb? At the very least they will still come back stinking if cigarettes as our house does when MIL has come for any length of visit (once was just an hour as she was driving on to somewhere else).

We have this problem with our in laws and I hate it too. Normally we just suck it up but this year at Christmas we had a 2 month old so I insisted we slept in a hotel. It was better but tbh we still visited the house so we all still stank! At least not everything we packed had to be washed though.

Personally I am with you on this OP butvI see you have brought all the smokers out

If she claims she would only smoke outside the house and she chain smokes, she would be spending most of the duration of their stay outside. And you're right, going out doesn't necessarily stop the smell coming back in: DS has friends who smoke, and although if they visit they go outside, the smell inevitably drifts back in and hangs around for ages.

It does however sound as if the likelihood is that your MIL has lungs like old leather and may well not be around for much longer, so I guess your DH needs to take the chance to visit while he can.

I think an Air BnB would be very difficult to insist on, particularly if DH doesn't agree and it might make her feel really bad.
It's difficult being a non smoker around smokers because they are so used to the smoke etc that they no longer see it and they think you are making a fuss about nothing. But I get it. I was brought up amongst chain smokers and worked with chain smokers and lived my life with a series of horrible chest infections and asthma as a result which is with me even when they are not.
It's only a little ciggie to them, one of life's purest enjoyments and here you are trying to halt their civil liberties with your prissy puritanism. Not a great role but its your DD so it doesn't matter what the arguments in favour are.
We have smokers in our family and although they promise to smoke outside..and they really do mean it, they just don't get how invasive smoke is. They sneakily smoke in the Loo and think I won't notice the reek of stale smoke in a small enclosed space because they've done the decent thing and cracked open a window.
On walks with smokers ( they just can't get the fresh out of their lungs quickly enough!) I've had all their smoke in my face if the wind is in the wrong direction, leaving me gasping for my inhaler.
They also stand by the open back door and let the smoke blow straight back into the house, complete with small embers from roll ups which have burnt small holes the back door rug and which they refuse to admit were caused by cigs.
They love to think they are defiant rebels striking a blow for freedom against draconian party poopers by doing this. After all, all the fun cool people are outside in "the smoking lounge."
Pretty sure your chain smoking MIL doesn't even notice the smell or the nicotine stains because its all just normal to her.
So I think you'd have to agree with DP to really make sure there's no active smoking going on indoors or near your daughter and that her bedroom is well aired.
However I don't think 4 days in the house will be a real problem if your DH is on cig duty.
Also for MIL's own safety, leaving unattended cigs on the sofa is just asking for trouble. It is truly an addiction after all and she would really benefit from support to cut down.
Enjoy your free weekend of movies and snuggles with the dog. x