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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go away without DS?!

25 replies

C4refr33 · 22/03/2019 18:41

I booked a 4 night Sun holiday next week for myself, DH and DS. (DS is 3) AIBU to go without DS?!

Context for you: I'm recovering from a miscarriage.
We are having a bad run with DS and really bad temper tantrums.

I'm looking forward to the break but feel guilty at the thought of doing it without DS. Yet I think it might be good for DH and I to have time to ourselves.

WWYD?

OP posts:
HotpotLawyer · 22/03/2019 18:42

Where would DS be?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/03/2019 18:44

If he’s with grandparents, go go go.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/03/2019 18:46

Or other people he knows and who love him that he knows.

Original poster
C4refr33 · 22/03/2019 18:52

Yes my mum has offered to have him

OP posts:
FullOfJellyBeans · 22/03/2019 18:53

Has he stayed overnight with dm before? She knows him and will be able to handle him? If so go!

HollowTalk · 22/03/2019 18:55

Well if he's in a foul mood now then he'll be even worse when you return, surely? It's hardly going to make him feel secure. Why not go somewhere for one night?

Singlenotsingle · 22/03/2019 18:55

Sounds good to me.

CaseofEllen · 22/03/2019 18:56

Not being unreasonable! You're allowed down time as a parent - especially when you're recovering from trauma (sorry to hear about your miscarriage Thanks). If DS is safe and happy where he is then go and try to enjoy!

Original poster
C4refr33 · 22/03/2019 18:56

Yes she has had him before overnight. I know he would love staying with her and she would love to spoil him for the 4 nights. X

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/03/2019 18:57

I’d go. It will do you the world of good. He’s safe and secure.

mbosnz · 22/03/2019 18:59

Reckon it would do all of you the world of good.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/03/2019 18:59

Go, he'll love it and it'll go e you the break you need

geekone · 22/03/2019 19:03

When my DS was 2 1/2 DH and I went to Toronto we were away for 4 days. We had not managed to spend any time together in our own for ages and we were both working hard and dealing with a toddler. It did us the world of good and DS doesn’t even remember, he loves staying with his GPs even 7 years later.

smallereveryday · 22/03/2019 19:30

Op- you will have hundreds of posts from mummy martyrs and their competitive parenting bleating on about how they love their children sooooooo much that they couldn't possibly leave them for an hour (subtext being that you can't possibly live yours enough because you are considering such a dreadful idea) .. this is of course bollocks.

The most enjoyable parents for any child are happy relaxed parents who have a good solid relationship. This break ticks all those boxes AND ds will be spoilt to bits by granny ! What's not to love. ? A good marriage needs a bit of nurture especially after such a terrible time. Go take time for you both. It really isn't always about the kids. It's about you too sometimes!

Alsohuman · 22/03/2019 19:34

Go, you deserve it and it will do you good. You don't need to be joined at the hip with your kids.

Xyzzzzz · 22/03/2019 19:36

Go it will do you good

Newyearnewname2019 · 22/03/2019 19:37

I have a 3 year old. I certainly wouldn't be leaving her. And if yours is going through a tantum phase why are you putting that on anyone else?

HotpotLawyer · 22/03/2019 19:39

LOL, I was thinking “oh, but you’ll miss him...you’ll have such fun if you take him” and then I remembered the ACTUAL reality of taking a 3 or 3 yo on holiday and crying in a hotel room trying to sleep on the cot mattress in the hotel bathroom while DH had sleepless Dc in bed....

smallereveryday · 22/03/2019 19:40

Ummm let me see. I wonder if a grandmother might just have managed a 3yr old with a tantrum ?

Stuckforthefourthtime · 22/03/2019 19:44

I'm usually in the mummy martyr brigade, and feel a bit Shock every time I see threads with people leaving their tiny babies at their mum's place overnight so they can get some sleep... But even I think you should go! So long as he's with someone who loves him and not paid care, he'll likely have a great time with lots of attention, and you'll be revitalised and more able to deal with it on your return.

If you want a book to read while you're there, Calm Parents, Happy Kids helped us when our DS2 started to have some truly awful strops around the same age.

Spudina · 22/03/2019 19:46

Go OP. (Sorry for your loss.) I'm sure a break will be good for you and your DH. You can't fill from an empty cup.

Houseonahill · 22/03/2019 19:48

I'm usually in the would struggle to go away without DC camp but it's 4 nights, you need it and your mum is happy to have him. Go go go. Enjoy yourself, I'm sure your DS will have a lovely time with his nana too Smile

Dohangoversgetworseasyougetold · 22/03/2019 19:58

If your mum is up for it, then go for it. I think the whole mummy martyr thing about never leaving your kids is cultural, to be honest. I have close friends from various other European countries whose kids have been enjoying (and they really do enjoy it) long weekends with grandparents since they were littler than three. I saw another friend and her husband at a wedding last year and asked in passing if the kids were with a babysitter. No, they were in Bulgaria for a week with the mum's parents.

(Of course, if people don't want to leave their kids then that's absolutely fine. No point if you won't enjoy it. It's the whole competitive/ performance element of "oh, I couldn't do that. I had to leave my children overnight once and I was so heartbroken to be apart from them, I got dehydrated from crying so hard and had to go to hospital/ hanged myself in the hotel bathroom and spent a week in a coma" ).

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage, OP. Be kind to yourselves.

Whatisthewhat · 22/03/2019 20:16

Go for it. If I had the opportunity I'd definitely go. Enjoy :)

Original poster
C4refr33 · 22/03/2019 20:33

Thanks for all the replies! DH and my mum have been urging me to do it, saying the break on our own will do me the world of good.

And DS will be happy with Nana. He is always so well behaved for her! (Bad behaviour is reserved for mummy and daddy! Confused )

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