To HATE being a manager?!!

[Gamechanger12e3]

I know its not really an AIBU. But please someone help.. I just hate my job after being promoted.

I dont think i like being in 'authority' and having to have confrontation with colleagues. I hate everyone reporting to me, telling on eachother and constantly needing my help/support for every little thing.

I was promoted 1 year ago to manage a team. I'm only in my late twenties and was actually a manager for a short while after graduating. I couldn't hack the staffing issues/office politics. It wrecked havoc with my mental health having to constantly rein in staff and then being bitched about for doing my job. When i left i vowed to never go into managing staff again unless it was my own business.

Fast forward several years and i was encouraged by other senior members in my profession to go in for a promotion. Took a long time to be persuaded and when i got the job a year ago, i thought itd be different this time. I honestly thought that maybe it was because i was so young with little work experience that i couldn't handle it last time.

This time... Its also bad. I have women twice my age bitching about eachother and telling tales. People not doing their jobs right that i have to confront.
I only seem to have 2 options in this type of role.

Option 1 - pull someone up nicely on an error or problem and have them bitch about me for it to the rest of the staff team. no matter my approach/support people hate being pulled up.
Option 2 - ignore it and then be a walk over and let bad practice continue to happen.

If you take away the staffing issues, the job itself i love. But i spend hardly any time doing my job because im constantly having to babysit staff.

I think my issue is, im a friendly outgoing type character. I'm normally always friends with all my colleagues and never get into any type of disputes. Before being promoted there wasnt 1 person id ever had a cross word with. I can be aasertive with colleagues on equal footing to myself but have never really had to be.

In this role its almost inevitable though. Everyday theres something. Someone turns up late.. I have to say something. If i don't they'll start taking the piss with lateness. Someone else wants to book a certain week off. I have to say no due to staffing and then they have the hump with me.

I can't do right for doing wrong! I feel its either i do my job well and everyone bitches about me, or i say nothing and im a crap manager!!

I'm very fair to everyone and respectful but grown adults still can't hack being told no.

Ive spoken to other managers about this and they just don't care what their subordinates think of them. So long as the job gets done and they know theyve been fair.

I think im just not cut out for management. I'm gonna give it another year so i have 2 years under my belt and then move on if it doesnt improve. But in the meanwhile.. Is there any advice anyone can please give me?

I feel if i don't develop my management strategies soon then my mental health will take a tumble like last time.

Any advice/constructive criticisms would be much appreciated.

When i got my team i had one to ones away from the office with them all, talking though their roles, finding out what they wanted in terms of progression, a PDP.

After I'd done that I held a team meeting, telling them what my expectations were and what they could expect of me. I work in a very pressurised environment- A dress down / order in of pizza / send home early once in a while seems to work wonders.

I stay out of the bitching, as long as the work is done. Am also interested but not involved in their lives, so I know if their kids doing an assembly and am happy for them to come late, they don't seem to take the piss.

My actual boss has no idea what we get up to and is happy to leave it to my judgement which makes life easier.

i have to have knowing it will result in them kicking off again. They have an attitude problem unfortunately that hasnt been managed before so they do as they like.

check your companies rule book. That would be a written warning at the very least in mine!

Your colleagues are NOT your friends. Your situation is harder because you have been promoted, so there is an element of jealousy and you were used to be "part of the team". They will get used to it.

If you are too nice, they WILL take the piss. People always do.
If you are off sick, they see it as an invitation to be off sick too.

You will never please everybody, ever. So you might as well get on with your job, and follow what you think is best. If people are too immature to understand you have a boss too, nothing you can do.

Some staff see the world as "they" against "us", will moan and bitch, be jealous of the so-called percs you have and chose not to see the extra responsibilities, meetings and craps you deal with.

Best advice is have a career plan and a private life outside. You don't need friends in the office!

Think of it like parenting. People and children don’t like being told no but overall they appreciate you keeping clear boundaries and enforcing rules.

I’m lucky with my team, limited bitching about each other and generally low maintenance, but I still hate being a manager! I worry that I’m crap at it and used to get quite stressed about it. I’m coping better than I used to, mainly thanks to a colleague who is a much more experienced manager than me giving me some great advice and support.

I manage a team at the moment. I love the job. HATE the people management. No matter how hard you try, someone will always be unhappy. Once my secondment ends, I will never go into management again. Its just not worth the stress. I'd rather get paid less and enjoy my whole job. Sorry not much advice, just empathy xx

someone will always be unhappy
true, so you can just ignore them and get on with your job, makes life easier!

The thing that has always helped me is having a really strong network of other line managers. It can be isolating being in leadership if you can't share ideas, or let off steam. People can be so complicated and difficult, it's often hard to understand why.

Something I'm really conscious of when recruiting is not letting people in I can sense will be a nightmare to manage. So far, in about 20 recruits I'm doing ok. The worst was a punt I took for my own team on someone who interviewed brilliantly but was the laziest thing on 2 legs. At least it was my problem to sort and nobody else's.

when recruiting is not letting people in I can sense will be a nightmare to manage.

thank you!
Every time I have mentioned something like that on tis forum I got absolutely abused! (discrimination and so on). I really cannot understand why choosing someone who is the right fit is at least as important as their skills!

It is really hard. I used to find it helpful to think about it in terms of being fair to the whole team, not just to one person - so sometimes when you're pulling someone up on something and it feels awful, know that it's for everyone's benefit.

I'm also a big fan of the Ask a Manager website. Firstly, every specific question you could possibly come up with has happened over there, and she gives great, clear advice (and sometimes scripts for how to tackle issues, if you need those). Secondly, some of the problems people send in are so absolutely batshit crazy that you'll feel better about your team