To feel bullied into letting my children swell the coffers of a charity I do not wish to contribute to?

[filthymindedvixen]

some children at my dsesses school have arranged a 'special day of fundraising' for the Madeleine McCann fund.
My boys came out of school demanding money for friday because there is going to be a toy stall, sweets, buns etc. They already have 2 other sponsored events going on at school this week....

When i told them I wasn't planning to give them any money as I have forked out enough cash for sponsorship of other events this week, a knot of mothers swung round and flamed me. In hushed voices, I was asked ''don't you realise this is for maddy's fund? You've got to give something, surely...''

Listen, if i thought that by giving a quid, madeleine would be released tomorrow, of course I'd do it. But I don't think it's going to make a jot of difference.

AIBU?

The Find Madeleine fund has received over £900 to date! That's a hell of a lot of money.

YANBU but....

IMO, it's a pity you told your sons your views on sponsoring the the Madeleine Macann fund in the playground, within hearing distance of other people. It's the sort of thing I could easily have done, too, I hasten to add!

But with hindsight it was not the best time and place best place to air your views on this subject as you know emotions run high. It would have been better to have talked it through with your sons when you got home.

I also think it's good to support the idea of a group of children wanting to organise a charity event at school, and that goes for any charity, never mind my own views on how deserving it is. For that reason I'd have given my sons a little money for the children's efforts. If the parents or school had organised it, no, I wouldn't feel the same.

I think it's a good idea that they use their own pocket money or forgoe a treat if they want to spend more than the small amount you give them at the event.

That's "over £900,000" presumably, WS....?

Actually on the subject of teaching children about personal safety, I think Diana's death was much more relevent than Madeleine. It was much easier to explain to my 6yo (when the Diana concert was on) that she died in a car crash because she wasn't wearing her seat belt, than it would be to explain that Madeleine was snatched from her bed when she was asleep. AFAIK DS has never heard of Madeleine.

thanks bb

I think you should be able to discuss whatever you like in the playground with your children - its none of others parent's business IMO

I agree Binkle.
And I do-very loudly.
Fancy being ^cowed6 into going along with somethnig you're not agreeing with.That's a weird kind of lesson to pass on.

And i hate this mindless assumption that because it's a chariddeeeee event run by kiddies,then it must be good.

Bollocks.

I'm tempted to say, how awful, of course I agree with the other mothers, just to avoid everyone agreeing. But I can't. Daft idea.

If it comes up again, I'd ask them if they have they any idea what the money will be used for and how exactly it will help to find Madeleine and why they aren't raising money for a proper children's charity instead.

YANBU

We can all feel sad for the family - but as everyone (everyone) has agreed - you have a right to choose where your money goes, without being blackmailed by anyone's children OR parents!

When someone comes to my door fundraising, I explain that i work for the NHS which is virtually charity work (might as well be for what i'm paid), and that my family give heavily to cancer research afer my Dad died of Breast CA.

then I smile, and shut the door.

Not the same as being faced with parents in the play ground - if it makes it easier, lie, tell them you have already given to a missing children's chairty.....

Moondog, I have to disagree. It's not bollocks IMO. If a group of children organise their own charity event, then actually, yes, there's a lot of goodness there IMO and so I would be happy to give a bit of support to them (whatever my private views are about the charity in question). Not a reason for cynicism IMO. Now, if the parents had put them up to it, that's another matter.

And no question of being cowed into not speaking out in the playground. The OP could still have made her views known to her children, just picking a better time and place. I call it using tact and discretion and a bit of common sense. (If we all said what we honestly thought about other parents, the school and other children etc in the playground, withing hearing of other people, it would be a fine old mess!)

Tigermoth, i welcome your comments - if only as this thread is starting to scare me, I thought I'd get such a kicking actually

You're right, it was unfortunate people overheard, I didn't say it for the benefit of an audience, but hey ho...

I do applaud children's efforts to organise anything for charity. But I am still a little cynical. Did they come up with this idea all by themselves... or is it their mothers projecting their desire to do something for this particular cause . DS1 has heard of MM but he didn't know there was any 'need' to raise money and he still doesn't really understand what the money is for. (And , actually, neither do I).

The nearest in comprehension he got was ''will the money help find other children?''

He's taking in some pocket money. But we will give sa little money to childline I think. (ds thinks this sounds like a good charity)

I wouldn't fork out for a cause I didnt hold with, having worked in the charity sector there are a few I wouldnt finance,but mroe specifically those missionary shoebox charities wind me up- last year I donated to Oxfam in lieu because I don't like the premise and DS's were really annoyed as its a big thing. But its not something i feel I can give in over

Diont you just ahte having morals? Life would be so easy otherwise (just read OP btw)

Although I already said you should have the choice what you do with your own money, whoever made the comment about supporting the children's efforts made me think. Recently I gave my children coins for their school charity money boxes whenever they did a small job for me - good for everyone!

Great respect for that man too, Elasticwoman!

I think you were justified in not wanting to give. There is no need for people to be guilt tripped into giving just because 'it's for so and so!' Boo fricking hoo. Support charities you like. I don't like the fund for the McCann adults so have avoided like the plague all of the crap that has gone on in the local area.

It's lovely that your son has a thought to share his pocket money with a charitable cause. I hope as he grows older he leans more toward your sensible and rational way of looking at which causes to support and learns to ignore the indoctrination from his peers and their parents.

Agnes

I remember reading about a good aproach to "teach" charity to the children, well, at least I thought it was a good idea.

It was about a mum and child who kept a little box for the change or if the children feel as given for something. Once a year the family would sit together, count the money, debate about what charity needed it most and why, and then write a check for said amount towards the charity of their choice.

I plan to do that when DS is older.

My child is involved in an orchestra that recently used its summer concert to raise funds for a charity to inform people about an incurable disease that affects about a dozen people in the country, no more than 600 worldwide. It is a disease no-one has ever heard of, and frankly would never really need to hear of unless they got it, in which their doctor might be a better source of information. My husband and I decided that our money would be better devoted to something that actually made sense. I felt like a right stingy bat handing the raffle tickets back in unsold, but did it anyway.

You do not have a duty to adopt other people's causes. Their is a lot of mawkishness surrounding this particular case, and I frankly cannot see that raising funds is going to achieve that Interpol is not. YAdefinitelyNBU

there ahem *

tired. must sleep.

flichymindedviven, Very fair respone

I think you've reached a good compromise - a pocket money donation and something to childline. I agree with you that some of the children's parents might have lead their children into wanting this, and I don't think the school should be allowing it to happen, really. It's a bit of a done deal, now though.

I think as a general rule, it's good to support children's charitable efforts if they have mainly organised it themselves. If all the parents at your school refused to support to this charity event, it could put off the children from organising anything else in the future, even if the charity they pick is considered more worthwile. So in a way, all the parents who choose not to support this effort are relying on other parents to do so.

But definintely agree it's a very good idea to educate children in deciding what charities they give to. And as I said before, I could so easily have done what you did in the playground. Hindsight is a wonderful thing as they say