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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel bullied into letting my children swell the coffers of a charity I do not wish to contribute to?

94 replies

filthymindedvixen · 10/07/2007 18:21

some children at my dsesses school have arranged a 'special day of fundraising' for the Madeleine McCann fund.
My boys came out of school demanding money for friday because there is going to be a toy stall, sweets, buns etc. They already have 2 other sponsored events going on at school this week....

When i told them I wasn't planning to give them any money as I have forked out enough cash for sponsorship of other events this week, a knot of mothers swung round and flamed me. In hushed voices, I was asked ''don't you realise this is for maddy's fund? You've got to give something, surely...''

Listen, if i thought that by giving a quid, madeleine would be released tomorrow, of course I'd do it. But I don't think it's going to make a jot of difference.

AIBU?

OP posts:
hatrickjacqueline · 10/07/2007 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

moondog · 10/07/2007 20:34

lol
Thought it was a new fangled British expression you hadn't yet got.

Very impressed with your Scottish slang though.I bet you don't go around the place braying about your fannypack eh?

Original poster
filthymindedvixen · 10/07/2007 20:34

'Kinell. Not one dissenter. I'm among friends...

OP posts:
margoandjerry · 10/07/2007 20:35

YANBU but I wouldn't stress about it. I am always being asked to sponsor people in aid of XYZ and though I wouldn't necessarily have chosen XYZ charity, it doesn't bother me to sponsor.

I understand the point about other, starving children but I feel that about animal charities ...don't understand why people want to give money to cats' homes and donkey sanctuaries when children are starving and dying. BUT...other people seem to find that position odd and I think the RSPCA is Britain's most popular charity so I seem to be on my own on that one.

Yes, your basic point is right. But it's actually easier (and in some ways nicer) just to show solidarity even if you know it won't achieve anything.

jackie2kids · 10/07/2007 20:36

What do your kids think (how old are they?)?

Do they want to raise money for this? Is it important to them?

If so, givem the cash. If not don't.

Original poster
filthymindedvixen · 10/07/2007 20:36

(margo, can I also join you on the animal charity POV?)

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 10/07/2007 20:37

I've been here a long time, moondog, and this move was dead easy because it didn't involve learning or speaking another language.

This TV programme is really pissing me off.

LoonyLyraLovegood · 10/07/2007 20:37

YANBU. Doesn't the fund already have millions of pounds in it? And that's made no difference so far, so how will a bunch of school children putting their pennies in help?

lionheart · 10/07/2007 20:41

Never understood that either, margo.

Mirage · 10/07/2007 22:42

I thought I was on my own re animal charities! People before pussies is our family motto.

FMV,it is a tricky situation.I agree with your POV entirely.Will your boys suffer fallout from not taking part?Would they be asvble to just get away with taking 50p or so & buy some sweets?

Elasticwoman · 10/07/2007 22:51

Agree with you, Filthymindedvixen. Sorry for Maddy, but fail to see why her case is more important than other people's missing children. We don't even know for sure that she is still alive. Would rather give to Amnesty International.

Nobody should be criticised for not given to a certain charity. They might be giving to another one.

Marina · 10/07/2007 22:57

YANBU fmv, I'd feel the same. Your sister sounds a card though !
I'm a people before pussies giver too aqlthough I resist the temptation to debate my views with the various "Help a tiny wolverine in distress" collectors on my travels...

Blu · 10/07/2007 23:05

It wasn't even a Book Of Condolences.
It was a Ring-binder of Condolences.

I know because my sister stood in the same 4 hour queue in the same rain. She did it to accompany her gay flatmate who said he couldn't face it alone.

binkleandflip · 10/07/2007 23:05

You are not being unreasonable at all - you should never feel pressurised to give money to any charity unless you wish to. Perhaps you could encourage your children(sorry didnt see their ages) to participate by helping on a stall if they wish or alternatively spend their own pocket money as has been suggested.

I'm an animals over people person charity wise BTW

Having said that I do a bit of both.

harpsichordcuddler · 10/07/2007 23:10

I have a moral objection to the RSPCA too, based on their priorities and practices and I have refused to give to them.
YANBU, at all

Elasticwoman · 10/07/2007 23:14

Once I worked in an office where there was a particularly difficult woman. When she left, I was the one who took the envelope round to invite every one to contribute to her leaving present. I had a lot of respect for the guy who said "No thank you. I do not like the lady."

unknownrebelbang · 10/07/2007 23:14

YANBU.

I too believe in people charities before animal charities.

And prefer to support small local charities, rather than big charities. And I too object to the RSPCA.

madamez · 10/07/2007 23:31

I'd leave it up to your DCs to choose if they want to spend their pocket money on such a thing (if they're old enough) BUT I'd aldo be writing to the school Head to complain. As for the other mums, I'd point out calmly that fundraising for Madeline McCann is pointless, she's almost certaily dead and there are many more worthy causes.

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 10/07/2007 23:51

Apologies as I haven't read the full thread but clapping to Hercules for saying "write a letter explaining that you will be donating to a missing childrens charity instead. "

That's exactly what I don't understand of this problem. People have cancer and ask to donate to Cancer Research, Lymphoma? to the Lymphoma Society, peanut allergy? to the Anaphilaxis campaing but a girl of an afluent family get lost and... they set a special fund.

Gosh, I would like to set a fund to ensure DS received the apropiate medical attention pertinent for his health problems which are, incidentally, life threatening, but I think it would be somewhat selfish on my part to overlook the fact that there are plenty of parents on the same boat and that we can do more as a group than as individuals.

suzycreamcheese · 11/07/2007 00:04

fmv..agree here too on the mccann charity..
myriad reasons..

but have to dissent on the animal charity one..
somehow prefer it for them than people ..

just thought there should be at least some dissent

1dilemma · 11/07/2007 00:09

Is it a primary? If so I'm a bit surprised at the school following on from the Odeon thread recently (the power of mumsnet!)I thought the fund was to pay for the advisors (both pr and legal) but I don't know for sure.
Agree allowing them to make their own decision on this one might be a good idea and a useful learning experience!

Sixofone · 11/07/2007 07:27

Still want to know what the McCanns plan to actually do with all that money.

chopster · 11/07/2007 07:39

yanbu.

The money must be funding them staying in portugal and publicity. None of which is really going to make any difference now. I'd rather give to charities which can make a difference.

Leati · 11/07/2007 07:52

I think you should gently point out that you have limited resources and that sometimes you have to choose where your money goes. Does that mean you don't care? Of course not. It just means that you had to pick which fundraisers to support as you could not support them all.

Leati · 11/07/2007 07:55

Chopster
You sound like you have given up hope. It still matters very much. It matters to her parents. Sometimes children are found even if it has been a while so still say prayer for Maddie.

I think the matter is more, what is your priority. And of course your priority is probably those fundraisers that have a direct impact on your children.