Help mil is retiring soon

[Ineedanewmil]

I have a very interfering mil. She is the engulfer and controller and a bit of the critic from the toxic in laws book by Susan Forward. Dh was the substitute husband for a while when his parents got divorced. She would put the financial worries on his shoulders at a young age. She uses emotional blackmail, bribary, silent treatment, sulking and even screaming tantrums to try to get what she wants. She will even use people's personal medical information against them or as a guilt trip to try and get what she wants. I have started to go low contact with her recently. Dh doesn't think her behaviour is that bad (says I only think her behaviour is abusive because I don't like it etc). At the moment she works full time and is busy with work lots of weekends. She is retiring in a couple of months and I'm really worried that she will try to interfere lots with all the free time she will have.
Anyone have any similar mils? What was it like once they retired?

Sorry to hijack your thread going on about my batshit in laws!

Your ds has his own bed in his own house. No need to use the one at mil's house??
Simple.

OneDayillSleep thanks for the replies, wanted to hear about others in laws to see what I was in for in a few months. Your fil trying to sort out his adult daughters work related issues is a whole new level of batshit. Don't think/ hope my Mil would not go that far. When my DH applied for his job, applies for promotion or the yearly review report etc mil does demand he sends her everything so she can proof read and improve it. My DH's relationship is the same, my Mil can't/ won't see him as an adult. It also got worse after we got married and had our child. She was in tears saying we won't be able to cope with a baby. I knew mil was overly involved in her children's lives but I have been shown just how much in the past few years.

oldraver indeedanewmil
She asked me! I certainly didn't twist her arm. I don't like having to share a bed with a baby or toddler - kicking, headbutting me, doing starfish jumps; on more than one occasion I ended up on the floor. He sleeps on the top bunk now he's older.

I just though this is a MIL bashing fest, and surely most MILs aren't in the least like this? I expect most dils get on well with their MILs, but of course they don't come on here.

just this last month his dad has got into trouble for phoning my sister in laws hr department trying to sort out a problem she has at work. She's in her 30s in a professional role, she didn't ask or want her dad to sort out the problem

that is batshit.

no one would ever live that down at my office, it would be horrific.

@Singlenotsingle where did we slam MIL in general? People are talking about their personal experience with toxic MILs.

@Ineedanewmil agree with PPs that you need to work with DH. I really suggest going to counselling together. It shows you are trying to work on the family being harmonious (presumably what DH wants) but it also forces DH to confront unpleasant truths he tries to ignore about MIL and take ownership of his role in the dynamic.

If people like this are involved in your life- you need boundaries. And DH has to play the biggest role in that or it will forever be you the 'evil controlling' DIL denying her want she thinks she is entitled to. It was to be DH saying 'no' most of the time.

It's incredibly hard stuff.

@Yesimstillwatchingnetflix I was NC before being pregnant. We're due in a couple of months. She's so angry with DH right now - because in his own words he stood up to her - that she's not speaking to either of us now. That may change with the arrival of DC or it may not. She often cuts her nose off to spite her face. If she wants to see our DC then I will go back to being LC to facilitate. No overnight stays. Meeting on neutral territory with an activity or purpose in mind. Etc. If not then that's her loss. I should say we also live over 10,000km away right now. That helps. But is also one of the big reasons she isn't my greatest fan. It makes me sad. My DH had a lovely childhood but she is so controlling and things need to be done her way. She'll tell people DH had mental health issues when he doesn't agree with her. Tell me a woman's place is at home with children, not a career, etc. Nothing huge but just constant. In a way I hope DC mends some bridges because I wish her and DH could have one last go at a positive relationship. We'll see.

@Singlenotsingle I would get on with MIL. It's her who won't get on with me.

@Ineedanewmil Do you drive to MIL? Can you compromise and go for a day with DH and DC and then leave DH there for a few nights on his own? Then go back and pick him up? Hassle but for me it would have been totally worth it. Years ago DH used to drive to his mum's to stay and I'd take the train or bus for one night or just for one day. I don't like adult sleepovers. It just seems a bit odd if you're an hour or two away to spend the night. Maybe that's just me though. When DH first started to stop spending the night his brother's wife had an argument with MIL who was bereft about the whole thing. Bearing in mind DH hadn't lived at home for almost 10 years by then and she'd visit him once a year for a few hours. If that.