How would you feel about this holiday?

[LuckyAmy1986]

This story is regarding my Sister and my Dad. I have become increasingly distant from both of them over recent years. They have always been very close and in fact on my 30th a few years ago my Dad told me he wished he and I could have the same relationship as he does with my sister. He lives abroad, only see him maybe three/four times a year even though he comes back for around 6 months at a time.

He will be back for the Easter holidays and wanted to take my DC for a few days as he usually does. He told me to call him on Monday, I thought it would be for something important but he said that he wouldn't be able to have the kids for a certain few days over the holidays because they (dad and Stepmum) were going away to the Lake District for a few days with my sister, her Dh and her DS. He said, 'and they are very kindly paying for us'.

My dad is very wealthy. He has around 5/6 holidays a year, my sister around 3. I have not had a holiday in years, hoping to this year get a weekend break with DH but we will see.

I think this trip shows that they must have a much closer relationship than I do with either of them because I wouldn't consider going on this kind of trip with either of them and I don't think they would me! It would just never come up or happen. (Was my family joining them or at least being offered to join them mentioned at all during their discussion of this trip - presumably not!) I also definitely would not be offering to pay for them (see above!!)

How would you feel about this? I have been in tears since the phone call.

If he is still seeing your DC's / having them then I'd be less concerned than if he had chosen this holiday over keeping the promises to your DC's. I'm hoping that he only explained that she was paying because it shows that she is therefore a little more in charge of the trip then they are.

If you wouldn't consider going on this kind of trip I'm not sure you are being reasonable to be bothered about the fact that they wouldn't equally consider inviting you.

You admit you don't have the same relationship so you can't expect to be included. Have you invited them to stay with you? It sounds like they have a relationship with your son so that has to be a positive thing. Do they know you haven't had a holiday or do they believe you just haven't invited them?

I would be sad that the relationship was different but I wouldn't be crying about the call. Maybe he mentioned your sister paying to make clear he wasn't funding their holiday and not one for you?

That is shit OP. It is so painful to be left out like that. They could have invited you and your family and paid for you as well. But instead they've deliberately planned something and excluded you. What twats. Both your dad and sister are equally shitty to do this.

Oh yes they know I haven't had a holiday for years. When he asked whether me and Dh would be going away at all this year I said I don't think it will be possible again but we will see. He said that's a shame.

He will still be having the DC for a few days, he just wanted to point out he wouldn't be able to have them over these certain dates (we hadn't discussed dates and won't until nearer the time as both sides v flexible).

He likely mentioned your sister paying as otherwise it looks a bit like he has paid for your sister and that he has excluded you and your family.
I do think it's mean. If he would like a good relationship with you then talking to your sister and at least inviting you and your family along would be a good start.

I go away with my dad and step mum now and again on holidays because my sister is just not interested .
She rarely keeps in touch even though her and my dad have a good relationship, she just doesn’t see her family as being important , but it is to me .
She and her dh are in their own bubble so I’m not going to cancel a holiday just Incase it upsets her , she’s more than welcome to make the effort but she never does, it’s always us

You are probably all right about the money, I guess at the time it just felt like he was rubbing it in a bit!

I have treated my parents, I didn't invite my brothers - not sure what the issue is (I get on well with my brothers)

@anniehm I think the issue is that I am realising how different my relationship with my dad is from the one he has with my sister. It's great you get on with your brothers, however I am not close my sister, she only ever gets in touch if she wants something. We see each other maybe once a year. We live less than a five minute walk from each other!