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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call the police or not over my child being assaulted at scouts?

62 replies

Dandygal1976 · 21/03/2019 11:17

Below is what I have written to the scout leader (names removed). This happened at scout camp 3 weeks ago but we only found out yesterday - to my horror he was too scared of the boy to tell us. All the children involved are 11. I am feeling a preemptive strike by calling the police and to start a process in case of problems at secondary school (they do not currently attend the same school. But obviously I am emotive and upset inside.. my youngest is a bit of a delicate flower compared to the rest of us.

Hi xxxxx

Many thanks for your time yesterday… it helped very much. As you know, my son made a disclosure at school yesterday after some sort of welfare class.

I am obviously upset over the alleged incident but I am trying to approach it in a non-emotive way, although I am considering calling the police due to the severity of the attack which I do not deem to be in the realms of children sometimes fighting. I am happy to receive your views on this?

I asked my son when exactly it happened over the two days of camp and he said he does not remember. He stated it was by the Story Tree. He was walking with a girl who he stated was his only friend (I clarified that he does get on with everyone so I think this is just because he is young). He said naughty boy spotted him and that he ran towards him ‘angry and violent’ and ‘went straight for his throat’. my son has said that he got away from the assault and the only reason he was not injured more seriously was because he could run faster. He stated that he thought he was going to die.

He stated that a girl said that naughty boy told her it was because he liked her and didn’t want my son walking with her. my son then cried and said ‘so it happened just because I was walking with someone’.

naughty boy has also stated to the girl that he was expelled from his school previously.

my son stated to primary school that he is frightened to go to secondary school because of this and that he has discussed it with his friends and they are all devising strategies to protect my son (obviously not ideal but shows his level of worry).

What outcome would I like from this… if the allegations are founded (I believe my son but I speak like an investigator due to my job)… Well that is of course your decision but I would like my son to go to next camp at least without him to get his confidence back and let there be some time and distance. I am unsure how you can ensure my son's safety in such an environment and after this complaint.

I was just speaking to mum and my son usually comes back from camp so happy but last time he was very deflated but when I asked him he just said they didn’t do much… my response was, well sometimes that’s a good thing about camp. I did not pick up the situation at all.

I am also going to be putting my son's phone (turned off) in the bottom of his bag in case he needs me at next camp but we also need to figure a way (perhaps you discuss with him) some strategies to involve an adult if he feels scared. The school and myself have made it clear to my son that whatever he is doing, he must always feel safe or speak to someone.

Thanks

me

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 21/03/2019 11:21

I think you should wait to see what the scout leader's response is to your letter.

OwlBeThere · 21/03/2019 11:22

So did the other boy actually hit him? That’s not very clear. I mean this kindly because I understand how upsetting it is when your child is hurt, but from what you’ve written it doesn’t seem to be something that the police would do much about.

Original poster
Dandygal1976 · 21/03/2019 11:24

He got him to the floor and strangled him. The scouts are looking to speak to the other girl. The scouts have more info because I got the school to submit their report.. they just needed it in writing from me.

OP posts:
Gintonic · 21/03/2019 11:25

Did the boy grab your son's throat? It isn't clear from what you have written.

Original poster
Dandygal1976 · 21/03/2019 11:26

My son also told the school he thought he was going to be 'killed' and the boy would not have stopped if he hadn't managed to get away. .

OP posts:
Gintonic · 21/03/2019 11:26

Ah crosspost.

Original poster
Dandygal1976 · 21/03/2019 11:29

I think my concern is as well that these are volunteers - a lovely lovely group of people but how robust can an investigation be with busy working people who also put all their efforts into running a fabulous (but large) group of children - 2 scouts, 2 beavers and 2 cubs every week.

OP posts:
redexpat · 21/03/2019 11:29

I know youve asked scout leader to do something but I would repeat that request at the bottom. Also do you want to meet them face to face, phone or email?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 21/03/2019 11:30

Has your ds attended scouts after the incident?

redexpat · 21/03/2019 11:31

What specifically do you want their thoughts on? To verify the accuracy? To advise on how to proceed? Your sons future at scouting?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 21/03/2019 11:33

Can I just say, your letter is 'gossipy' - you need to deal with the facts, all the he said/she said is of no relevence naughty boy has also stated to the girl that he was expelled from his school previously. -this has nothing to do with the alleged assault and is third hand.

Again - this is out of the scout masters remit my son stated to primary school that he is frightened to go to secondary school because of this and that he has discussed it with his friends and they are all devising strategies to protect my son (obviously not ideal but shows his level of worry).

As an aside - my youngest is a bit of a delicate flower compared to the rest of us. he needs to be given strategies to cope with this, how to deal with aggessors and how to protect himself.

I doubt the police would get involved with this.

What exactly do you expect the scout master to do ?

Original poster
Dandygal1976 · 21/03/2019 11:33

I have spoken on the phone with them and yes he has attended scouts but the boy goes to the other weekly group. My son goes Thursday and he goes Friday. I have asked for a meeting with them. It is trying to get the balance of not being a pushy parent but also protecting my son. The whole point of camp is the freedom and not so close supervision. What if I send him and next time something awful happens? Also, why should he not go.

OP posts:
Magicpaintbrush · 21/03/2019 11:35

He pushed him to the floor and strangled him??? Holy fuck. That made me gasp out loud. I would go to the police over that. And don't send him into scouts if the other boy is still there - if they don't kick his attacker out for doing something that violent then words would fail me. Your poor son!!!

Original poster
Dandygal1976 · 21/03/2019 11:36

Plain Speaking - we can only start with my son's disclosure. That is all I can do. He has obviously been frightened and enough so that the school have filled in a safeguarding report. The facts need to be obtained from the girl as an independent witness. I know 3 people can look at the incident and see different things. So, are you suggesting do nothing at all?

OP posts:
Magicpaintbrush · 21/03/2019 11:36

Sorry, I've just seen they attend different groups.

Ohyesiam · 21/03/2019 11:37

I would
1.Alter your report to include what happened in the attack, as in your update

2.Inform you h you are going to the police

3.Go to the police

Why would you not? Your son has been assaulted.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 21/03/2019 11:38

So, are you suggesting do nothing at all?

Im suggesting you stick with facts not gossip.

Magicpaintbrush · 21/03/2019 11:38

Plainspeaking - sorry but that sounds like you think the OP should just suck it up and not do anything? What happened to her son was a violent assault - the aggressor needs serious consequences and her son needs to know that she has got his back.

Original poster
Dandygal1976 · 21/03/2019 11:39

redexpat - all of that. I want to know the best way to keep my son feeling safe. His next camp is a week long - a county camp and it is scary to me right now.

OP posts:
Castieldeansam · 21/03/2019 11:40

Scout leaders are volunteers. By all means make them aware the incident happened in their care, but they can't do anything except react to the incident and maybe get the boy excluded from scouts!
Contact the secondary school he will be attending and let them know about the incident. Ask his school to also do the same. Ensure they have a procedure in place to deal with it in September.
If you still feel uneasy, contact the police to have a chat as to what to do next - they may go and see the family, or they may give other advice. Police will give advice without you having to report incidents.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 21/03/2019 11:42

@magic - not at all - the scout master has absolutely no remit over seconary school strategies

The scout master needs to know facts that happened at scout group, othewise it becomes a witch hunt - we're already reading the term naughty boy

MumUnderTheMoon · 21/03/2019 11:44

If someone if someone attacked your son in the street and strangled him you would call the police right away. Why is it reasons to hold off because it happened at scout camp? The age of criminal responsibility is 10 the boy that hurt him is beyond that point and the reason for the assault is worrying.

MumUnderTheMoon · 21/03/2019 11:44

*reasonable

AdoreTheBeach · 21/03/2019 11:44

Hi OP

Your letter is not clear on what happened to your son rather as another PP indicated, there’s a lot of she said/he said rather than clearly addressing the issue of the other boy assaulting you son by knocking him down and strangling him. The words need to be included - assaulted, knocked down, strangled.

If you know the details of the other child who was walking with your son, then report to the police.

PinkCrayon · 21/03/2019 11:44

I think there is very little done about children who are violent, my son had a similar problem. I spoke to the mother who told me "boys will be boys" her kids attack each other all the time, on the school run they would be kicking and punching each other very hard and one of her kids would be punching other children in the private area and laughing as he did it. It very much comes down to parenting and lack of bounderies.
Every kid I know who is violent without sen is poorly parented.
Does the parent know?