To think he is being strange??

[Mathsaddict]

Good morning. I have a close friend who I speak to every day, in person and by text message . Nothing inappropriate just lots of friendly banter, work and family talk. There possibly were feelings in his side in the past but they were dismissed pretty quickly as I have nothing more than platonic feelings for him. It didn’t upset the friendship, if anything, his contact became more regular . I dealt with this by extending reply time and basically detaching a little . He has a girlfriend of nearly a year. I don’t know anything about their relationship as he doesn’t mention her .

He is at best unhealthily dependent on you and your boundaries might need some tuning up - you've actually got to the point where you are planning to leave your mobile phone at home for your holiday before you have started to question the amount of contact? No, you actually addressed it before but have not noticed it creeping up.

OP
How would you feel if a woman was doing this to your DH?

Please believe me I have not at any stage encouraged any of this. My husband has many female friends that have the same chats etc but the intensity is the thing that differs. That has stepped up a gear. And when I detach, my friend seeks me out even more. There is no sexual or romantic feelings on either part but there does seem to some sort of dependency on his part .But he is able to detach aswell. If he was that determined and dependant he would be texting when with his girlfriend and for the most part he really doesn’t .

Is this the other side of that recent thread about a bloke who was messaging his female friend all the time and complimenting her, and the girlfriend was getting fed up?

You're not being unreasonable to enforce some boundaries. Is it starting to creep you out? I would be uncomfortable with it.

The fact he doesn't do it when with his gf isn't a positive it shows his behaviour is deliberate and calculated and he knows he needs to hide it from her.

A girlfriend posted that she was fed up?

Yes or is creeping me out a bit now especially reading all the responses

Thanks for replies. Yes I see him outside of work, socially a few times of year . Christmas party/ drinks/ research events etc . I sent a direct ’ Chat to you romorrow’ Message yesterday evening after he messaged a few times and he didn’t respond thankfully apart from a basic goodbye but first thing this morning, it started again. I think he isn’t aware of how inappropriate this is . I think that he believes that this is how friends are with eachother . We are both early thirties but worlds apart in our life styles and commitments so maybe he is bored and has more free time than me to try to keep up contact .

"chat to you tomorrow at work" maybe?

I have sporadic periods where my closest friends and I will message very similarly to this. But he does sound a little out of order. I'd probably have even more constant dialogue with my best friends if we worked together, but we don't even live near each other. I reckon if you didn't work together it would be easier to detach

Thanks . Yes that’s a good plan. He text to say chat later tonight!!! As he is off on a presentation for the day .im not quite ready to have a chat about it yet as we work so closely and there are so few of us in the area so maybe if I mute the conversations , he will know what’s happening