Best friends child

[Twinningmumma]

My best friend had her son 12 weeks ago.
I’ve met him once and we live in same village.
I have told her on numerous occasions to let me know when they don’t have plans as I know how lonely being a new mum is- but nothing.
I get she is tired and everything is new. But I thought I would have had a little bit more involvement. AIBU?

Unless you are worried she is not coping yes you are maybe she just wants to nest and stay home and bond with her baby.

Yes. 12 weeks. If she’s your best friend surely you can catch up when you can. Maybe she isn’t that lonely per se.

Why not ask if you can pop in on X day or y day and bring biscuits? She can always say no. It can be hard for a sleep-addled brain to decide things and organise meet-ups.

I was that friend OP. I hid at home for months. I had a little bit of PND, a lot of sleepless nights and was battling breastfeeding problems, I didn't even think much past my front door. I now look back and think people must have thought I was a right rude bugger maybe drop her a "are you ok" text, ask about baby blues etc. Or offer to take round cake! Now that's the mark of a good friend

Don't ask if she's got the blues by text. Just say you're really keen to see her and meet her baby, suggest some dates and yes to taking food!

Same here Gunpowder, I was lucky to get myself into the shower of a morning too.

She might not be coping well at all and just trying to get by a day at a time. Try not to feel excluded.

Send a text and ask if she needs a hand

“I’m at the shops can I pick you up bread or milk?”

“I’m grabbing myself a coffee, want me to bring one round to you?”

“I have a couple of hours free this morning, would you like me to come over to hold bub so you can shower or have a nap, or just some company?”

“Hey, I miss you! Would love to see bub again too. Shall we plan a catch up? I’m happy to come to you or head out, whatever works for you.”

Can’t you ask her if you can call round. I wouldn’t ask my friends to come I waited for offers

i don't think it's lonely being a new Mum at all. Its a great new experience to have a new baby. All this business of people wanting to go and see a new baby and the Mum, is not necessary. It doesn't mean that you don't want to communicate with people,, it just means that you want to have your own time and space,to settle in,and enjoy all the new baby experience.

Don’t say bub though, it might tip her over the edge

She's probably just been busy.

The amount of times I think "I'll organise something with x today" and never get round to it is shocking. She has a new baby and each day revolves around the baby now.

I think YBVU. Either accept that she is busy with new baby or text her to arrange something.

I'd be worried that she struggling a bit. Book a definite date with her and take it from there. Choose something easy and informal - you'll bring a picnic lunch to her house if she provides cups of tea, or maybe she comes to yours (no need for her tidy up) instead.

She might appreciate being invited to you for lunch. Or bring lunch to hers.

This could have been me.

My BF has four children, and recently messaged me saying how disappointed she was not to have seen more of me.

I couldn't drive. I found four children coughing all over my baby nearly broke me after a very hard start. Four children in my home, who I love dearly, to much just now. She then proceeded, via misguided kindness to empty her loft into my kitchen. I am having counselling and she has the solutions to everything and I feel dismissed.

She is a wonderful mum, a very old friend and like a sister. She has got this all wrong. To much advice, opinions, stuff and I feel vulnerable, not good enough and bombarded.

Anything I say is met with oh it only gets worse,and oh don't be silly. It's just to much just now. She calls me continually with her dramas and I just don't have the energy right now.

I need her to listen and be there, she cannot seem to do that. So in my case I've had to take a step back until I find my own feet. She's still my friend, she's just at a different stage and for the sake of our friendship I need to back away.

Why are you assuming she's lonely? She may be inundated with guests, she might be enjoying time just her and baby.

It sounds like you feel rejected which is sad but not necessarily the case.

Let her know you're around when/if she needs/wants you but don't push

I agree with the others, she doesn't have headspace to figure out where to fit you in. Make specific offers, like "can I visit/bring you some milk and bread tomorrow?" and make sure you let her know it's fine if she's not up to it. I think being supportive from afar and just being there when she needs to is enough.

Ask which is a good day to come round and bring lunch eg sandwiches and cake.
I would have bitten your arm off

Ask to make a specific plan as others have said.

I realise how it sounds, I’m really not that petty 😂 I thought she may have been a bit lonely as she is on her own, her mum had been off work for a couple of weeks and I know for myself personally it was a big shock when I was first left alone.

She knows where I am if she needs me. She has had other friends over, quite a lot of the time actually, some whom she isn’t all that close too.
I’m probably being a tad bit selfish.

It she isn’t alone. She is with her baby.
She may have many other people over, some people are really pushy and may have imposed on her time and space and now she may want to spend some time just with her new bub.
Offer to see her, and let her decide what suits her