To want satisfaction?

[exculpatrix]

I've been with my partner for the last 8 years, since we were both 17. Our relationship has always been very close - we came out together and dealt with a lot of intolerance in our small town, which I think forged a closer bond between us.

I care about her deeply, and want to keep the relationship going for as long as possible. But I also have a quite specific kink which she isn't into. I've tried discussing ways we might incorporate it, or ways we could work around it, but she's not interested. It's something that has become increasingly important to me, without which I think I will struggle to feel fulfilled.

AIBU to wish she'd be more open to this, or to consider asking for an arrangement in which other people might fulfil those needs?

Yes to both. It's your preferences that have changed over time, not hers. Totally unfair to wish she'd change her mind, and I think you sound like a knob to even suggest going outside of your relationship to get your kicks.

HTH.

You must respect that she doesn't want to do it.
And you must respect her enough not to continue trying to persuade her.
As for suggesting an 'arrangement', well that wouldn't work for many and it you risk damaging your relationship by suggesting it
Is it really so important? Is it worth risking the relationship for?

Why is your sexual gratification more important than her / your relationship? You sound very selfish. If it's that important to you then you'll have to leave her. Don't pressure her into doing it or letting you do it with other people while still in the relationship. That would be horrible.

AIBU to want to know what it is?

Really?

I'm more worried the OP wants to tell us

She is not there for you to get off. YOU have to learn ways to get off in a mutually consensual way.

Stop jerking off - then you'll orgasm much quicker and without any kinkiness 🤷‍♀️

Why is your sexual gratification more important than her / your relationship

Sexual gratification is the core component of a "relationship." Take the sex away and it's a friendship.

@PettyContractor, I agree with you, but I think that's why I kinda wanna know what it is... If it's totally off the wall maybe OP is BU 🤔

Maybe buy a blow up doll. You are no catch for a real woman.

I think you are being U.

How would you feel if the rules were reversed?

Sexual gratification is the core component of a "relationship." Take the sex away and it's a friendship.

It's not for everyone. Are you saying married people who can't have sex because of illness/low libido/asexuality/impotence/mental health aren't in relationships?

To the posters saying stop jerking off and get a blow up doll- unless I have read it wrong I'm pretty sure the op is a woman in a same sex relationship?

And what is the specific kink that you seem to require to be fully fulfilled?

Women still jerk off

I wanna know what it is 😂

Mrfibbles I read it as they are a lesbian couple too

Depends a lot on what it is and why she finds it repulsive/ a no go.

If it has potential to be painful or perceived as degrading I'm not surprised she's refused.

Also I think wanting satisfaction sounds like the OP is going to invite someone out for a duel! Unless that is the kink?

Dildo duel maybe?

You can't pressurise your partner into sexual activity she's not comfortable with. Your choices are

1. leave
2. stay, and not put that particular kink into practice

Or

3. ask to open up the relationship. She might not be up for that, in which case you're back to choices 1 or 2. If she is up for it, will you be OK with her fucking other people too?

You'll probably get better answers on Savage
Love than Mumsnet.

Yes, a lesbian couple:

"we came out together and dealt with a lot of intolerance in our small town, "

Ignore the nasty messages, this is important to you. I understand how important kinks can be to a person's happiness.

If your partner is not into your kink then you need to drop it and stop asking her to partake.

However sexual satisfaction is an important part of a sexual relationship. You need to really think about your wants and needs and establish whether or not your kink is a need.

If it is a need then you have to have an upfront, respectful conversation with her, lay it out, tell her that you won't try to talk her into your kink, but can't be happy without it. You can then discuss what will or won't work for your relationship.

Some partners are ok with kink needs being met outside of the relationship, others aren't. If she isn't then you can't try to pressure into accepting it, and you absolutely can't go behind her back or cheat.

It is very likely that both of you have changed in the last eight years, especially considering how young you were when you got together. If you can't agree on this then you may need to end the relationship.

I'm sorry, it sucks.

Do you watch a lot of porn? It can be a total relationship killer, same sex or not.

Do you find you orgasm more easily with porn and are assuming that it's the kink that's caused this rather than becoming overreliant on visual stimulation?