Favouritism to children of teachers - would this bother you?

[BananaInMyPocket]

Name changed to avoid being identified but I didn’t know if I was being precious and thought MN is a pretty sensible place to gauge if IABU. Would this bother you...

My DC is in the infants in a school where 3 of the 4 infant teachers are parents of infant children in the school (who I’ll creatively call Teacher A, Teacher B and Teacher C). I always thought the favouritism was in my head but a few things have made me think it’s alive and well and I’m thinking of saying something. The main reason I think this are:

• There’s an annual music and drama festival the school takes part in, starting at reception class. Essentially at infant level it’s reading dramatic pieces and poems, they don’t play musical instruments until they reach juniors. I was lead to believe that the pupils took it in turns to be part of this - so anyone who didn’t take part last year would this year etc. However last year children of Teacher A and Teacher B took part (Teacher C’s child was still in pre school) and they all did this year too. My DC would have loved to take part - they a part of a theatre group and very good at speaking, they have been on stage at the local theatre venue three times with their out-of-school clubs and have the skills and confidence, and drama is their best subject they always excel in. Not a stealth boast - just showing how my DC was very much ready for an event like this. They were gutted to not be a part of it, as were other children, especially when it was expected that other kids would be selected this year
• Last year there was an Easter egg hunt that was badly advertised, so a few parents missed bringing in the required £2, including Teacher A and B’s children. They managed to get the £2 off each of those teachers but one child was made to sit inside while his friends did the hunt - and was told that’s what happens if you don’t have your £2 Teacher A and B’s children “forgot” but managed to take part by virtue of being able to go down the hall and get £2 off mum!
• The children do Mathletics as an optional extra homework, and accumulating a certain amount of points results in a certificate. These are presented in a weekly assembly that parents can attend. Because so many certificates are generated, they only present about half in assembly. My DC had just about had one certificate every week this school year but never been presented with one, but Teacher A, B and C’s kids get their presented just about every week
• There is a dance event at the local theatre venue this week where schools from the area are doing a 3-4 minute dance each on stage in front of a few hundred people. This includes one of the infant classes at DC’s school. They decided this week that one child can introduce the school on their own before they dance. Teacher C’s child was picked, despite just being in the drama festival. Other children volunteered but were not picked.
• At Christmas they had a party day where they played games, including pass the parcel. Whenever someone unwrapped a bit of paper they were given a sweet rather than having one inside the package (lots of allergies!). Teacher B’s child had a tantrum at the end because he got no sweets, and so Teacher B snuck him a few packets. Other children got no sweets but didn’t tantrum or get given any at the end. One child saw her and told her that wasn’t fair, and subsequently got a bollocking for being rude to the teacher.
• Any pictures the teachers upload onto Facebook of trips etc (and it is them taking the pictures), is basically the Child A, B and C show.
• They took the infants to a panto at Christmas and as usual the panto asked each school to send one child up at the end to be on stage with the actors. Teacher B sent her son up. He actually got too nervous and another child went on, but it’s not quite the point.
• I don’t need to tell you who played Mary and Joseph in the nativity

It sounds pathetic reading it back - but this is affecting my DC now, I’d understand if it was for some GCSE or A-Level exam and must go on merit but these kids or 4, 5 and 6 years old!

I feel it’s not just in my head, and my DC as well as other parents have picked up on this favouritism.

It may or may not be relevant but this is a fee paying school. When we looked round we were really sold on the “they have so many opportunities to help them grow in confidence” - but it seems any half decent or fun opportunities pass by those who aren’t children of staff members.

Would this bother you, and would you say anything?

It used to piss me off, too. Its like that in every school.
The same kids the star of turn of every show. That's why I was glad when she went to senior school.
However be prepared to be told you're being precious. Staying Teachers are anything less than perfect is akin to Treason on here. Get your hard hat readym

I'm surprised at that, when I worked in a school where staff were parents it was the opposite.

Like @Imusic I too have worked in several schools, all the teacher-children were so excluded as to make a point of not being favourites. TBH I doubt if a 4,5,6 year old would notice half of what you have written, but the parents will be telling them Little A B C is taking precedence and it isnt fair.

Possibly your last three point might rankle with me, the rest would fly over my head.

I have to say, weekly parental assemblies ? excruciating.

Absolutely spot on, sounds just like Royal Russell!

You said it yourself. It sounds pathetic. If you aren't happy move your child.

Any pictures the teachers upload onto Facebook of trips etc (and it is them taking the pictures), is basically the Child A, B and C show

Well, that makes sense as they know that the parents of Child A, B and C definitely don't mind!

As school governor, I once was involved in producing a last-minute leaflet about our primary. The governors' kids featured heavily as I could ask them then and there, 'Are you OK with these pictures of Freddie/Sam/Rebecca?' Bit crap and amateur of us but better than accidentally putting in a child who mustn't be pictured.

Build a bridge

Yep tis happened at ds1_primary school, he unfortunately as the misfortune to be in the same class as the deputy heads daughter so got picked for just about everything, on the last day of year six the school did a play, the two leading roles went to 're deputy heads daughter and one of the teaching assistants son (who had also been picked for everything since reception) I'm so glad his primary school days are over !

I don’t think the forgotten £2 for the Easter hunt is favouritism, surely it’s hust convenient? It would be favouritism if they did the hunt but still didn’t pay. The times where teachers ABC get their kids stuff unfortunately is perks of the job, like people working in an office swiping post its...
I actually sometimes make a point of NOT picking teacher kids for stuff but I teach 11-18 so they can handle rejection without crying to mummy.

It is poor form to favour teacher kids though, absolutely. Unfortunately it sounds like teachers ABC (especially B!) are the forces behind it!

I think the school play thing is annoying. I do think drama is a good opportunity for all kids, both the wallflowers and the confident extroverts so it's a real shame everyone doesn't get a chance to get up and have a go. The Easter thing just sounds mean, at DCs' school when people forget they just let it go and let them join in. I forgot once and DD still joined it (obviously I paid double to the charity the next day).

I wouldn't bring up favouritism but I might mention that DC is feeling disheartened that she is never selected for the chance to perform or to go up and get her certificate.

This reminds me of wayback when I was at junior school and one of the teacher's daughter who was in my class just got every privilege going, it was absolutely shameless. One year she was picked to represent our school in some Lord Mayor's Show, as the character "Alice". She had very long hair, usually in pigtails and many of us dreamed of sitting behind her with a pair of scissors and snipping them off The blatant nepotism produced these feelings, I blame her mother, she should have known better.

YANBU. It doesn't sound pathetic at all

I'd be pissed off but I'd want to know what other parents think (from the same school) as it would be ideal for a group to approach the head over it.

Being picked for theatre/drama at school means the teacher will choose those that can remember their lines, not freeze in front of an audience, and has also been there to practice (ie not late or attendance lacking in some way).

Easter egg Hunt - I don't have a problem with A, B or Cs kids joining in - it's not their fault if their parents are teachers and can pay on the day. I do however feel that leaving just one kid out and that child being told, "That's what happens when you don't pay £2" is utterly wrong.

A, B and C being in photos may just be because other kids who can't be in public photos are in other shots.

Parents attending a weekly assembly for Mathletics certificates sounds bizarre!

The teacher giving her kid sweets sounds like she is making a rod for her own back. As a parent though, that is her choice, the same as if you as a parent gave your own child sweets at the same event.

However from what you've written it does sound very weighted on occasion. Have you approached the school to discuss how your children are keen to join in/take part/get involved? Have you shown your support as a parent, turning up and supporting at events, being reliable etc?