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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to removed DS from school for the rest of term?

42 replies

RedSchoolBlueSchool · 20/03/2019 14:07

Long story short: My DC are moving schools after Easter. lots of reasons but the main reason is eldest DS (Y4) has been bullied repeatedly and i don't feel his academic needs are being met.

I have school places for my younger DC at the chosen school, we are waiting for an appeal date for the eldest. I am obviously hoping the appeal comes through before easter however i was aware that DS may miss the first two weeks next term while we wait for the appeal as I will not send him back to his current school.

Things have got worse where he is - several incidents of violence in the playground (one of which has left a bruise). In addition we had arranged for him to have a table of his own in class so he could move away from the rest of the class if he was feeling frustrated/picked on/distracted. i find out today that this is now being used for a display and he has been in trouble today for pushing his classmate away from him after being kicked. the TA who was covering as his teacher is away then told DS 'you're the problem'. My boy is broken, he is a shadow of his former self and everything, even little things are getting to him at school now.

So basically WIBU to withdraw him immediately and keep him home until the appeal for the new school? (we have a back up place at a third school if the appeal fails).

What are the ramifications if i do this? Can i just tell his school that i am withdrawing him with immediate effect and that be the end of it? do i have to register as home educating or something for the interim?

anyone got any advice? Sad

OP posts:
FriarTuck · 20/03/2019 14:16

Definitely keep him at home. I've no idea on the rest (hopefully others can help) but the effect on DS of going in is going to be entirely negative. Far better to give him some proper safe time at home to build him back up so he's feeling better about himself by the time he starts his new school.

Dragongirl10 · 20/03/2019 14:18

I wouldn't hesitate to keep him at home, there are plenty of maths and English workbooks you can do from WHS....

Don't know how you go about it though.

goldengummybear · 20/03/2019 14:19

I would home Ed him effective immediately. Poor lad 😢

Stormwhale · 20/03/2019 14:21

Yep I would do exactly the same.

HighOverTheFenceLeapsSunnyJim · 20/03/2019 14:22

De register him from school. Assuming you’re in England at a mainstream school this is v easy, don’t know what it’s like elsewhere in the UK. Since he isn’t enrolling with another school I suppose technically he will be home educated, but I cannot imagine any local authority will have any interest in what you’re doing with him, as you’re just waiting for a school place asap, so I wouldn’t stress about that. Maybe do some interesting projects with him that he would enjoy, if you want to feel school-y about it.

Ifartglitterybaubles · 20/03/2019 14:24

I did this last year, I de-registered two of my children and home educated until they could be placed in their new school. The school we left failed my eldest massively, he has Aspergers and they not only removed his extra help but also took him off the SEN register, he was a mess, his anxiety was exacerbated daily by their actions. The SENCo was beyond useless.

We decided to move house/area/school but the local school had no places at that time, we needed a place in both yr 4 and yr1. I can honestly say it was the best thing we could have ever done for ds1. The break allowed him to 'reset' it allowed him to have a break and his anxiety reduced massively. The difference in him meant we were considering EHE full time but he wanted to try the new school, in the end he was out for 8 weeks before he got a place and he loves it, he is thriving there.

We had to appeal earlier this year for dd1 who is now in yr2 but, despite it being an infant class size appeal, we were shocked to hear we won on the grounds of being unreasonable to admit and she gained a place as an excepted child. The fact her brothers were at the school, the nearest school with space was 6 miles away (rural) and she was EHE helped.

You have to hand deliver a letter to the school stating your intentions to de-register and to EHE and thats it. The school are required to remove your children from the roll from then (mainstream only) and they will notify the LA EHE team of your choice and they will then contact you.

genome · 20/03/2019 14:25

If you remove to home educate, then you need to write a letter of deregistration. Google or your local home ed groups (try Facebook) will be a good place to start. You might want to check if this will affect appeals and ongoing applications for other schools as the LA may try to take the chance to wash their hands of finding a school place.

Original poster
RedSchoolBlueSchool · 20/03/2019 14:25

we are england, mainstream academy school.

If i do this i will be getting work books etc for him to do but also taking him to museums/zoo/other outings to engage him.

If i withdraw him immediately do i have to tell anyone other than the school i am withdrawing him from? i dont want to get in trouble if i should have registered as home ed - is that even relevant for 2.5 weeks now and possibly 2 weeks after easter?!

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 20/03/2019 14:26

I would give zero fucks about any potential ramifications from this tbh.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 20/03/2019 14:27

No you don't. The school will notify the people who need to know. They may then get in touch. All you need to do is deregister properly if you intend to home ed

HighOverTheFenceLeapsSunnyJim · 20/03/2019 14:27

You don’t have to tell anyone except the school you are withdrawing him from. They will update the LA - that is basically the ‘registering as home ed’ bit.

Don’t see what difference it would make for appeals.

RB68 · 20/03/2019 14:28

Just give the council a call - they are responsible for school places and should also have people to deal with these situations specifically.

Original poster
RedSchoolBlueSchool · 20/03/2019 14:28

genome i cant risk it effecting his appeal. Sad

I have already confirmed with the school that they will be leaving after easter and they have confirmed back to me that they will be removed from the register at the end of term.

should i just do it as 'unauthorised holiday' and accept it will cost me the term-time holiday fine?

Ifart thanks for your story, that helps. i would not be HE full time at all, and not really for the time i have him off - more of a few educational trips and some workbooks to keep him ticking over.

such a mess.

OP posts:
HighOverTheFenceLeapsSunnyJim · 20/03/2019 14:31

How would it impact the appeal? He’s leaving in two weeks anyway, you’re just bringing it forward. When is the appeal?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 20/03/2019 14:31

I wouldn't take it as holiday if there is a fine, could he go off sick?

Original poster
RedSchoolBlueSchool · 20/03/2019 14:32

barren the only rammification i'm really worried about is it affecting his appeal.(and budgetting for any possible fine)

OP posts:
Ifartglitterybaubles · 20/03/2019 14:32

No, you only have to inform the school, they will notify the LA. Our LA wrote to us shortly after and we sent a brief report thst was enough and they left us to get on with it.

We used a combination of workbooks/sheets, we met up with the local HE groups, days out (have a search on facebook) and we subscribed to Twinkl which meant we could ensure the work was suitable and kept them on curriculum.

Original poster
RedSchoolBlueSchool · 20/03/2019 14:34

highover i dont know! i'm just worried it might, if you give up a school place with none to go to does that mean the council may say tough luck you had a shcool and you chose to give that place up without securing another? i only submitted the appeal form to the new school 2 days ago so still waiting to hear when the appeal date will be but it has to be within 30 school days i think. the head at the new school said usually within 3 weeks.

OP posts:
Fightthebear · 20/03/2019 14:35

No advice but FlowersBrewfor you.

Flowerfae · 20/03/2019 14:35

definitely take him out of school until he starts at another school. We had similar with DS, we didn't take him out of school because luckily we were able to move him pretty quick. He was very unhappy at his previous school, I'd had all my children there and it was lovely, until a new head took over and it just all changed. He had a new teacher in year 4 and his confidence dropped hugely, he was biting his lips all the time and making them raw due to nerves, he was crying going to school in the morning and he was really quiet and he wouldn't answer questions in class because he was scared of getting shouted at if he got the answer wrong.

He's now a completely different child, on the afternoon of his induction day at the new school he put his hand up to answer a question. He loves going to school now and his grades have gone up because his confidence has, his reading has improved a heck of a lot. Best decision we ever made, I'm glad I didn't leave it until the end of the term like I was considering doing.

Ifartglitterybaubles · 20/03/2019 14:36

It helped our appeal, we won on the fact they were concerned that dd wasn't accessing a school education. If you want to remove them sooner just write to the head bringing the date forwards, you could hand it in today with tomorrows date and thats it, they would finish today. I would get a receipt from the school office fir your records that would prevent the risk of a fine.

Ifartglitterybaubles · 20/03/2019 14:38

I would recommend Twinkl it was invaluable and they do monthly subscriptions so you don't have to commit. It was about £6.50 a month and gave me access to a huge resource base, worksheets and games. Most schools use Twinkl.

Ifartglitterybaubles · 20/03/2019 14:40

www.twinkl.co.uk

RomanyQueen1 · 20/03/2019 14:40

You need to deregister from the school and H.ed until you have the place for the other one. However, make it clear to the LA that it's only for the short term or they will take you off waiting lists.
Are you sure you will win the appeal? If not and you need another school you will have to take what's offered or continue H.ed

Original poster
RedSchoolBlueSchool · 20/03/2019 14:45

ifart that's interesting to know, fingers crossed it will help our appeal too. i will look at twinkl

flower sorry you've had the same situation (new head was the start of problems for us too) but its reassuring to hear someone has done the same thing and doesnt regret it.

romany we have a place available to him at another school (which doesnt have space for any of the younger dc). i have been honest with the head there about our situation and she has said she will take DS if the appeal fails. so we have a secure 'back up' but obviously i would like him at the same school as his siblings hence the appeal.

OP posts:
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