AIBU to think my OH should help out more with our DC?

[IhaveaBigBum]

First time poster so please go easy on me. Apologies for the long post but trying not to drip feed.

I'm really struggling with looking after DS who is 5 months old. Im a first time mum and although I knew it would be hard, I have definitely had my eyes opened on just how hard!
Ds was planned, me and OH have been together nearly 7 years so having a child together was a mutual decision.

Oh was great at first, especially during the nightmare newborn phase but I feel like the novelty has worn off and he now avoids DS whenever he can.
Oh works shifts 4 days on and then 4 days off, so you would think that with 4 whole days off at a time we would see him a lot more than we do.
I keep asking for more help as I dont have any family or friends who live near me so I feel like I'm stuck to my son 24/7 as breastfeeding and he won't accept a bottle. I haven't slept a full night for 5 months, but OH gets a full night every night in the guest room.
I asked OH if he could take baby on a morning just one day a week once he has woke up and been fed so I can have an hour or two sleep but all I got was the horrified response that he needs to go to the gym in the morning to get it out of the way for the day.
He has loads of hobbies and extra curricular activities to do with his work (all voluntary) and just doesn't want to compromise anything in his life.
He says he is tired all the time since DS arrived and that his gym life is suffering which I really find hard to understand as he gets a full nights uninterrupted sleep every night and probably spends about 2 to 3 hours a week in total with his son.
In the 5 months since he was born he has taken him out twice in his pram and out to the shops twice to give me a break. One of these occasions I could hear DS screaming from down the street only for him to turn up a few minutes later with his headphones on so he didn't have to listen to him cry. I was gobsmacked he didn't even try to comfort him and embarrassed in case the neighbours saw.
Ds isnt an awful baby but he is hard work. He seems miserable and shouts/ whinges constantly and needs entertaining nearly constantly which is exhausting and if I'm honest I am starting to struggle. Something has to give!
Am sat here in floods of tears as its my birthday and OH is off work, yet decided to do an acting course for his 4 days off as the price was reduced from £200 to £25 due to funding. He makes me out to be unreasonable whenever I try and explain to him how I'm feeling, and then told me he has PND... He has since taken this back but it really annoyed me that he said that.
Having a baby has been harder than either of us expected but I genuinely thought we would be a team together and while he works full time it should be 50/50 on his days off.
I feel like he contributes nothing to my life except stress.
Am I being unreasonable?

It's not going to get better OP, just worse and he doesn't want to change so he won't.

Hi OP

YANBU at all. Even when I was on mat leave, we got equal hobby time (OK so I have no hobbies at the moment but free time!) Equal housework (at first, I gradually did more as the baby slept better and I had a couple of hours free in the day) and equal lie ins. When I was breastfeeding through the night he nearly always got up with the baby in the morning to give me a few extra hours, I would have been broken otherwise.

Why does he think his hobbies and sleep and down time are more important than yours? Why does he think his want to go to the gym trumps your right to a small amount of sleep? What's going to happen when you're back at work and he then has to do 50pc of childcare? How does he think his relationship is going to work with the baby when he is older? What would he do if you split up and he had to have the baby on his own sometimes?

He is acting like his life hasn't changed and his wants are more important than yours and the baby's basic needs (sleep, a break, a relationship with the baby). Time for a serious talk or you may as well leave if you're doing it all on your own anyway

He’s a selfish prick. He doesn’t give a shit about you or your child.

I think you need to find yourself some support, Homestart or something? Baby groups?

Get a wee break then assess the situation, which is that you're already really a single parent.

He's acting like a single man and its not acceptable op

@MinisterforCheekyFuckery if it his way of dealing with it then yes it is convenient isn't it.

Oh for goodness sake! How can you POSSIBLY be being unreasonable?? You are both responsible for looking after your joint baby. You split the free time up, or you leave.

Happy birthday IhaveaBigBum

This person isn't a man, isn't your "other half" and isn't any kind of father if he thinks doing his share of parenting is "helping you out".

I think many men don't bond with a child until its old enough to talk, play etc. so it MIGHT get better. However he's being very selfish and uncaring. For your mental and physical health you need a break.

His gym life is suffering? Oh, the humanity! Let’s declare a national emergency!

You get less time for hobbies when you’re a new parent. You compromise stuff in your life. That’s just how it IS.

There is treatment for depression. Pushing all your parenting duties onto your spouse isn’t it.

That said, I did use walks in the pram to comfort my babies when they were fussy. It works for a lot of babies. He’s not the only one who has ever had a screaming baby in a pram for a few minutes.

YABU to call it ‘helping out’ he needs to parent. Get the calendar out, look at his shifts, highlight when he he parenting your child alone. Make sure you disappear during that time. You don’t just have to accept this.