Relative almost proud to "have to" claim benefits

[tellmeimbeingunreasonable]

Ok, so please tell me i am being unreasonable if i am!
I have 6 children, relative has less.
I work part-time, dh 50hrs plus a week
She doesnt work through choice - her exh gives her money as and when she asks
I have one child who is disabled
She has 2 children who work full-time (others still at school)

Went to a party other day and I heard her saying without any apparent "I cant get a job as i would lose my benefits and be worse off".
This makes me so . I thought benefits were for those who cant work, not for those who wont work.
I heard a while ago that the government were going to bring in something that stops able to work parents of over 10 year olds from claiming benefits, but cant find any info about it now.
Has really made me annoyed this!
So AIBU?

Agree with Aimsmum, being a single parent is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
You are the only person responsible for however many kids 24/7, there is no one to share childcare with, drop offs and pick ups, housework etc etc etc.

I personally am knackered most of the time now, so god knows what I will be like when I do find a job.

I am prepared to be worse off, if it helps me get a job that I want, but as I can't afford to be worse off, this could only ever be temporrary and hopefully long enough to give me the experiance that the world and their wife seem to want, when applying for anything from brain surgeon to cleaner.

anewlife if you notice, i said i was a childminder throughout my sons young life just so i could spend as much time wioth him as possible, and yes i had help with childcare, but even when i didnt (my mother and grandfather both died before ds was 12, i still juggled everything and did a ou degree, and yes am proud i worked my arse off

should those who didn't do what you did not be proud or are you not going that far?

All i am saying is there are alteratives to being on benefits and feel that ssupporting yourself gives you a great self esteem. In 1980, benefits wernt like they are now either. There was no csa and DS's father did not pay mainteance, so it was down to me.

I really don't mean to pick on just you but could you perhaps list those alternatives? In real terms not ideal.

Yes for me one of the alternatives ^was6 to work as a childminder, it earned me a income, without having to pay childcare, and so that i could be with my son, later I worked as a TA within his school, again meant i was with him in the school holidays. I worked as a cleaner at one time, and it is not at minimum pay, especially now, I pay my cleaner £8.00 per hour, and considering I get £3.25per hour as a CM, think that is pretty good! These are real ways of getting off benefits,, ways that can fit in with your own children, maybe not what what you might want to do, but they are alternatives.

A friend started up her own business recently doing websites again could work around her children from home, and is now earning enough to come off benefits, another proof reads.

Yes Childcare id bloody expensive, especially if you have more than one child, but there is child tax credits to help, back in the 80's there was NO help with child care.

I know if I hadn't worked I would have gone under, I came out of a violent marriage, shortly after losing a child at birth, with no money, a child, no qualifications, and a home to provide.
Being able to support my son and myself, gave me back my self esteem.

I'm not sure, but I think you are the girl who got out of France, you had the guts and determination to get out of that situation. Do you speak french (I assume so) what about translation. It can be done at home, via the Internet, it would be a alternative.

loving the sweeping stereotypes of people on benefits

i take it most of you have never been on benefits? well it's not the piss easy life most people seem to think it is, in fact it's bloody miserable, you are all seeing the outside of peoples lifes not what it's really like for them

i'm sure most people would look at us the same way, DP has not worked for a year due to PTSD as we don't generally advertise this fact to people i'm sure they just assume that he 'chooses' to sit on his lazy arse, i'm sure people wonder why I don't work (pretty impossible for DP to look after DD when he could barely leave the house for 6 months)

yet, we have a very nice house, big tv etc, people seem to forget that we bought these things before DP stopped working

we went on a foreign holiday last year, but it was paid for by DP's mum who is quite well off

we bought a new laptop the other day, after DP sold both of his motorbikes that he bought when working as we couldn't afford to run them anymore

i know and have been told that people wonder how we seem to have more money than those who work ex hours etc etc one couple in particular feel so strongly about that they think it's ok to mention it whenever we buy something or they come to our house

what is it about being on benefits that suddenly means you are open to public judgement?

and it's not just you who are paying for us, the whole bloody country pays taxes and we all use them, I hope some of you don't have to climb down off your high horses anytime soon and join us down here, it's not a pretty place you know

If working would make her lose her benefits and give her less money can you really blame her. I hardly think you relative is making it rich on benefits. Of course since I don't live in the UK I can't be sure. I know here when people recieve benefits it not even enough to live on.

To be really honest..Not trying to be insulting...but why do you care if she recieves benefits

I pay my taxes(and they are alot) and I figure if some of the money goes to help a few good causes then at least something was gained. I don't pass judgement on others for not doing the same.

oh fgs at all this

people get so bloody resentful if they think someone might be being given anything more than them. Not unlike my toddlers, really.

I think you'd have to be a bit daft really to work if it leaves you financially worse off. I wouldn't do it. How would that be fair on my kids? What would be the point, given that these jobs aren't exactly cv builders.

Its also easy to be worse off in work when you factor in housing and council tax benefits, free school meals, etc. And a lot of people ime don't want to be on tc because of all the asociated problems with payment, which is fair enough really, when you are reliant on it.

oh and if nlnn did the superviser job she'd probably still be on benefits. tax credits. And quite a lot of them.

I totally agree with you Shoshable. I have worked, never claimed a bean. Everyone can do it its just some refuse - again they are just lazy

Madmumsy, you are joking surely?

I suppose it's daft really - me and others getting annoyed that someone who chooses not to work thus getting their rent and council tax paid for, can buy their kids more than i can, can go away more than me- we are so silly arent we for finding that wrong.
So what if it's my taxes paying for it? I should be thankful that i can do nightshift and know that i am going to if im lucky get 2 hours sleep the next day, and by the end of the day be almost crying with tiredness. Yes how dare I be annoyed that someone without any shame announces that they cant possibly make a better life for themselves because they will earn less than they have got coming in. I repeat - the benefits system is for those that cant work - not for those who chose not to.
How lucky we are in this country that we have the safety net to chose whether we get off our backsides or not. Or maybe on a grand scale we arent actually lucky because it has taught a certain section of society that to be lazy can be acceptable if you are getting enough free money to do it.
If someone really cant work then they should take what they can and deserve to, it's those who as my OP says are almost proud to have a reason not to work that i find unacceptable.
It's been an eye-opener to see how many agree!I've yet to see a post from someone saying a short-term drop in money - if that is ever the case and from that website entitledto.com seems not actually to be so- is a good enough reason not to work.

I doubt very much if a job working 9 to 2.30 would work out at more money than she is getting on benefits

ie full rent and council tax, higher child tax credit, free presciptions etc

from your post you seem to be saying that she isn't showing enough 'shame' for your liking for the fact that she is living on benefits? what would you like her to do, wear a sackcloth and put a sign round her neck?

hotcrumpets, if she only worked 9-2 she would still get help with rent and cuncil tax, free prescriptions and most other things (not free dinners though).

She would be better off working if she worked 16 or more hours a week.

Oh and for anyone that thinks you are loaded if you are on benefits, and can 'buy their kids everything', you are very much mistaken and have no clue what you are on about.

tellme- if she can buy her kids loads of stuff and go away alot then she isn't just claiming benefits, believe me I kow. I'm a single mum of 3, and yep I get my rent and c/tax paid, but certainly cannot afford to buy my kids everything that they need nevermind want, and certainly cannot afford holidays of any description.

she would still get help i agree, but we were getting full housing benefit/council tax and then DP was awarded an extra £200 a month Industrial Injuries Benefit

that took us over the income threshold and we now have to pay £220 of our rent and £69 of our council tax, so we are now £89 worse off each month than before

I totally agree with your statement about not being able to buy everything/anything for your kids, i'm not quite sure where people seem to get this idea than benefits is an easy way out from

The only people I know on benefits, who can afford to buy whatever they like, are those that are playing the system and being benefit cheats.

I don't know one single person on benefits that doesn't play the system yet leads a fantstic and expensive life.

She can and does do as i've said so how does she do it then?
She has between 9 and 2.30 either to work or to sleep if she worked a nightshift, more time than i get. She has evenings where her adult dcs can babysit.Actually - she gets the same 24hrs that I have!! It's what you do with it that counts.
If you want to get off benefits then you can in her situation. If you cant, then you are entitled, if you WONT then why should you be entitled.
As for the sackcloth thing - read the whole of my posts and you will realise how stupid that is to say that.No one who cant work and thus entitled to benefits ahould be ashamed, most of us have had them at some point. Please dont take one sentence out of context and jump on it

I totally agree with your statement about not being able to buy everything/anything for your kids, i'm not quite sure where people seem to get this idea than benefits is an easy way out from (Quote)

maybe we get that idea from people who chose to stay on benefits when they dont have to

I know of someone who has been un-employed for some time, she has 2 teenage children at home.

Among her benefits, her mortgage interest is paid (and it was a big, interest only mortgage).

If she works over 16 hours a week she will lose that element of her benefits. That would be a lot of money to find.

Now we all know that she should take a full-time job, and put her largish house on the market to pay off the mortgage.

But, be honest, in that position, would you?

If she has been on benefits for years and not worked, then she probably has the confidence of a knat and maybe feels like she can't go back now. I'm not saying that she should be able to sit on her backside for the rest of her life when she 'could' work. What I am saying is that it isn't as easy as you seem to think it is.

As I said before, if she seems to be loaded, then she is claiming more than she should be, as you are not loaded when on benefits, end of.

My aunt is on benefits, has been since she was 19 and she is now about 49ish. She hasn't had one single job in all that time, and she is a single mum. Her 2 eldest dd's are now grown up, and she has her 10 yr old at home. She is not well off, far from it, hasn't been on holiday since god knows when and does struggle to buy stuff, pay bills etc.
I am sure she knows that she would be finacially better off if he worked, but after so many years of scrimping and saving for things she is used to not having anything that she wants. She has no self confidence and that is what is stopping her from going back to work.

Personally, i'd rather poke my own eyes out than end up like her, but I can see why she has ended up in this situation.

Spot on post, Fillydora.

Honestly, having gone through what we did, I'd rather be completely on the dole than EVER reliant on Working Tax Credit again.

They f*&^ these up. Very, very often. Even when you catch their mistakes, they don't recify them.

And we're not talking about those people who get a big lump sum and they know something's up.

Now, we're talking about a system that sent me and my husband a staggering TWENTY-EIGHT award notices in one year, each with an amount varying by a few pounds so you have no idea what you're supposed to be getting.

And then turn your life upside down three years later by issuing agressive demands for thousands of pounds.

The dole is far less complicated, unfortunately.

i undertsnad the whole better off not working thing, i have family members who say the same and its true. but the point is if more and more people have this attitude then where does that leave society. and also why should i work to pay for fellow citizens (who could work) not to. if on benefits then you should do community service that way everyone is contributing, wether its through paying taxes or helping to keep society afloat

i.e i work you look after my kids 'without payment' and then you can get benefits...how does thats sound?

and/ or benefits should be paid for in vouchers 'food stamps' for example, so that it cannot be abused by those who are blatantly taking the Piss.