Evening folks, I posted this on MH with no posts but I'm so, I don't actually know what I am anymore tbh. Numb, lost, helpless, angry, frustrated, sad. It's quite all consuming. I'm posting here for a bit of traffic to try and help with help for him and coping mechanisms for both of us. I apologise if it sounds like it's me me me, it's not, honestly. I'm just so wiped out with it all. Below is the post of anyone has been in similar circs or if anyone has MH issues and what their expectations are. Thank you X
My DB was diagnosed about 15 years ago with schizophrenia which mainly manifested itself with extreme self harming. He's been on a variety of meds for years, some worked, some didn't but on the whole it's being managed well with support from his CPN and meds. I've helped him out with renting flats, paying for broken cars, debt, gym memberships, Christmas etc because money issues can be a contributor to how he's feeling. I'm not in a position to help him financially as I was but obviously still there emotionally.
He's going through a toxic separation from his DW and is having to stay in the house until he can be housed by the LA. This situation isn't helping and he's struggling with strong suicidal thoughts and I'm drowning through trying to keep him afloat. He doesn't work, he doesn't have any friends and we're not close with our parents. I'm all he has apart from his kids and I just don't know what else I can do. His CPN visits are up to every other week, he's maxxed out on his meds and none of this seems to be helping. I'm 400 miles away, the last time I saw him at Xmas he was just a wide eyed zombie.
I know there's never going to be a fix for this, no silver bullet but I'm just so frustrated, worried, exhausted, terrified that he's going to "pull the pin". I'm in constant contact with him, all hours day and night, listening to him, just being there. I'm trying not to recommend things or trying to fix it but I've mentioned about refocusing on something else other than this constant inward thinking. Suggested college, the gym, clubs but there's no motivation. Motivation isn't the right word, I know, but I am trying to channel some strength to him, some positivity to just try. I won't pretend to fully understand exactly how MH works but I've been through something similar with my DD and although it's always there, she really has turned her life around. I want him to see that there is a life with MH but I just don't know how.
I think on how it must be for him to wake in the early hours, just lying there with only his thoughts and how it must feel thinking that this is what life will always be like that. I just want him well enough to have a functional life. I don't remember who my brother was before MH issues. He's 40 and this is it for him.
Sorry, epic post. I'm just exhausted through months and months of late night, early morning calls and messages and worry. What else can I do?