To wonder where do they learn this behaviour

[Roomonthebroom1]

I was at a play group yesterday with my 17 month old DD. Whilst she was standing by a small ball pit, an older girl (about 4-5 yo) jumped into it and completely took it over as the ball bit was only tiny for small toddlers/babies I guess.

I didn’t mind as my DD was not interested in going in, but there were a few balls outside it which I started putting back in gently. She gave me such I dirty look and started shouting: stop it, stop it now!!! With a steely face that honestly scared me. I asked her nicely why are you shouting at me? She just carried on. Her dad who was a bit further away from us saw the incident and came over, took her out and asked to apologise, which she wouldn’t and didn’t.

They looked like a decent family, mum and dad were there, fully involved in their daughters play, didn’t seem to lack attention or discipline. AIBU to wonder where do they learn this behaviour?! Is this common?

I grew up in a country and era where you’d not even dream of talking like that to an adult, whether you are 4, 14 or 24.

Its not learned behaviour, the selfishness is instinctive and it's maturity and socialisation that suppresses it. Doesn't your inner child ever want to behave in a similar way, albeit in different, more adult scenarios?

People are talking about toddlers, terrible twos behaving like that, which is fair enough but OP said the child was 4/5

Babies and children are innately "selfish" in some respects, and gradually develop theory of mind as they grow, understanding that other people have thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Children are learning and testing boundaries all the time. That is how they become rounded, independent, considerate individuals. This will have been an important opportunity for this young child, and it sounds like the Dad dealt with it appropriately - removing her from the situation and asking her to apologise. You don't know what happened after that - there may well have been a conversation with her about how to play, how to interact with an adult, and why it is necessary to apologise.

All children will exhibit behaviour that is not desirable in one way or another. That may be learned from other children, from adults, from tv/books or simply because to them, it seems reasonable.

My 3 year old nephew poo-d on his bedroom floor last week. No reason, just took off his pants and did his business, then walked off and left it for my sister to find. i think my sister and her husband don't do this often themselves. their home is VERY clean and tidy so this isn't behaviour hes been taught.

One of my friends children used to bite everyone. once again, her and her DH weren't renowned biters. They would tell the child off for it and there would be consequences (removed from activity, naughty step etc etc) and nothing worked. They even had a bite chart. He suddenly stopped when he was about 6.

Little kids are batshit crazy. they do weird things. good luck

**AliceLiddel love your 3 year old example, brilliant.