Sleeping with boyfriend

[Brumbee6]

I've completely had enough of sleeping with him.
I wake up atleast 10 times a night because he is smothering me and I get way too warm. I find myself waking up at the very edge of the bed with him right behind me trapping me. I shove him off and tell him to move but it doesnt work. I sometimes just give in from all the waking up and feel totally fed up and il stay up playing on my phone for hours which means I'm running on next to no sleep. The most annoying is he will dig his boner into my back every morning. It can be from 4am onwards or reoccurring, he will dig it into my back and touch me / grope me like a piece of meat. I ignore him and swat him away but this can carry on for ages obviously disrupting my sleep. This morning I got so fed up of it I just stormed out of bed. I have a 1 year d to sort so sleeping in the day isn't much of an option. He gets to stay in bed and sleep as much as he likes before work so he isnt effected. Coping on less than 5 hours of sleep a night is giving me horrible headaches, changing my mood and anxiety, it's just really getting to me now

Am I being unreasonable to want to be left the fuck alone?? Can anyone help me i dont want to just send him packing

[Notmyrealname855]

I find myself waking up at the very edge of the bed with him right behind me trapping me. I shove him off and tell him to move but it doesn’t work... The most annoying is he will dig his boner into my back every morning....he will dig it into my back and touch me / grope me like a piece of meat

This sounds grim :( He shouldn’t have any more priority at night times as day time, have a proper chat and failing that make him sleep on the sofa. I’d be so angry at losing sleep over this

[Brumbee6]

He already has, he just comes to my place all the time when he finishes work at whatever time. Hes just always here the only peace is when he occasionally works night shifts but then comes in at 6am and it begins again

[LovingLola]

Ask him for his key back

[Notmyrealname855]

It sounds way too overpowering, day and night. You’d be better off breaking it off as it sounds like he really doesn’t respect boundaries or your space. Or if you like him (for good grounds), have him sleep at his.

Had an ex like this and it was the start of abusive behaviour. It always starts innocently enough but maybe I’m just being sensitive

[ApolloandDaphne]

Maybe you need to have a frank talk with him and tell him you can't cope with him being in your bed every night as you are getting no sleep. Suggest he sleeps in his own home during the week and comes to your at the weekend?

[Ragwort]

You’ve escaped one abusive relationship but now it sounds like you are in another, unhappy relationship. Arrrange to meet in a ‘safe’ space, (coffee shop or similar), calmly explain that the relationship is not working for you.
If your DC is only one it is very soon to be in a new relationship anyway, just leave him and concentrate on your self esteem and your child, learn to enjoy your own company. A man in your life is not essential.

[GruciusMalfoy]

How long have you been together?

[Se7en11]

Tell him to go home and, in fact, stay there

Move him out, get some decent sleep and consider your life going forward WITHOUT HIM..... If its not working now, don't hang on in the hope he will change or because you may be too scared that you might not find someone else who respects you because you will and you will be happy.

lead the life you deserve, not the one he is offering you

[Damntheman]

Yeah this also sends up red flags for me. Destroying your sleep alone would be abusive torture, but groping at you when you've been clear that you don't want it actually IS sexual abuse.

So what if he's angry with you? He doesn't sound like a good guy at all. Tell him he cannot sleep at your place until he has learned some respect for your boundaries and get your key back (or change the locks).

[Quartz2208]

OP he is being abusive I’m afraid he is clearly showing he doesn’t care

[pootyisabadcat]

He is NOT great! No at all. You left one form of abuse for another. It was far, far too soon to date after your left your relationship to start another one so you've gone into one that is a different form of abuse. He gropes you like meat because that's exactly how he sees you, same as his just coming right over after work, just expects to get the ol' feet under the table.

Why are you so afraid to be alone that you put up with any ol' warm body you can get in there? This is YOUR house and life. YOU are the one in control here, but you're readily handing it over to this cocklodger.

He's running up the bills in your house, getting his dinner cooked and his socks washed and digging his boner into you at night.

Get a self esteem! He is NOT 'great' at all, you just have incredibly LOW standards and no boundaries.

[DanglyBangly]

This business of being over your side of the bed and smothering you. Is he doing this consciously or is he asleep? What position is he in when he falls asleep to start with?

[trulybadlydeeply]

He's groping you when you don't want him to, he doesn't respect personal boundaries, and he considers his needs to be greater than yours. It doesn't sound good, OP.

First of all, as for your keys back and change the locks. Tell him you and your DC need your own space, and that he can only come over when it has been agreed. If he is as nice as you say he is, he will respect this and understand. If he doesn't like this, then you know what you have to do.

[cuppycakey]

Hes great just an arsehole at night and in the morning

So he's basically an arsehole.

So sorry OP but you appear to have jumped from one abusive relationship to another. Absolutely not your fault but I agree with PP. Ask for your key back and change the locks as he will have made an extra copy.

I don't know how you can stand this.

[Nanny0gg]

I agree. You need to get rid. He doesn't respect you at all.

[Sparkletastic]

He knows what he's doing. He just doesn't care enough to stop. I'd end it and try having some time just you and DD before getting into another relationship.

[zippey]

If he’s an arse at night and early in the morning, tell him he can’t stay over and just see him during the day.

Doesn’t sound like it will be a long term relationship though!

[IdblowJonSnow]

OP he's not great. He's made you so tired that you feel ill.
You said yourself he treats you like meat. If he has his own place why does he never go there?
You have two babies not one.
Please get rid, loads of red flags here.

[NChangeForNoReason]

Tell him u want 50/50 and every other night he has to go home so u can sleep.

If he doesn't like it, he needs to change his habits!!

[Aquamarine1029]

Basically, you've traded one abusive relationship for another. This is YOUR home and your bed. Tell him to fuck off.

[Lovemusic33]

Sadly I think the post above is right, you have traded one abusive man for another, sadly this happens once you have had one abusive relationship, sadly I’m one of those that seems to attract controlling men and put the blame on myself. I have now been single for 2 years and I hate anyone sharing my bed, I have dated people and have sent them home so I can sleep alone. This is your home and you should be able to sleep in your own bed without getting poked and smothered. Ditch him and spend some time by yourself improving your confidence and maybe look at the “freedom programme”, this guy is a tossed if he can’t listen to you and stop this behaviour.

[BillyGoatGruff007]

in case he gets upset with me
But it's perfectly ok for you to get upset with him....
Either tell him straight to change his ways or take the keys back off him and tell him to sleep at his own place until he's learned some respect.

[ems137]

My DH would be like this if I never said anything to him. He probably assumes that you like it if you sometimes allow it to happen. I'm not saying that's ok but that's how my DH would see it as well. I had a totally frank conversation with him very early on, along the lines of "I don't get enough sleep so when you disturb me it really pisses me off. When I'm sleeping don't ever wake me up, I also like to have my own space in bed and you're too hot and uncomfortable"

If DH ever starts slipping back to his old ways of crowding me in bed I turn over or get back into bed with the baby and don't take any care if I hit/kick/squash him if he's on my side!