AIBU to not like our financial arrangement

[Cocoamamma]

So... my partner had a paid off flat and then his mother did something crazy, and bought some land with a house on it. The house was a wreck and she paid only really for the land.
We decided we were having a child around the same time as this happened and he started thinking he should sell up and we should do up the house (and this is how it was presented to me)
Move forward and the house isn’t done. It’s in fact it’s a complete nightmare. What my partner has actually done is give ALL his money to his mother (who is awful with money but that’s another story) and we are going to ‘rent’ this house. He doesn’t seem to understand why I am not happy about this. He got me to agree to a decision without knowing what I was agreeing with. I’ve had no involvement in any of the building works. Him and his mother have done it and it’s gone wildly over budget and she’s now put more money in to (so has now even more say about things).
To make things even more complicated I bought a house which I now rent out to my father. The agreement was he would pay a very low rent and look afte the house which has now turned into he will live there until he dies. However this is ok as I kind of knew this would end up being the agreement. (There’s ways out of the situation that would mean I could buy for me and my son further down the line- that bit isn’t such a big deal)

I’m so stressed by it all.

My partner basically thinks we could not have afforded such a large house without the help but the house prices where we are we could’ve have afforded a nice house and garden on our own.
I do see that it seems a bit first world problems but I actually haven’t ever had my own home and lived in it. Ever. I think it’s hard for someone who had his own flat since his 20s to understand how important it was for me to have my own home.
I’m being made to effectively rent for the rest of my life. He’s now got to borrow money to finish this house which isn’t even in his name.

There’s so much more but it’s impossible to keep writing.

What do I do? He won’t take any equity out of the house so we can buy so now we have to live there indefinitely.
He thinks I will change me mind when I live in such a wonderful house but I will not.

I bought a place for

Is the house you are living in with his mother the one you are doing up? You are paying rent and Your partner has given her all his savings?

You need your own professional legal advice plus professional financial advice

I kind of wish I hadn’t started this thread now as it is complicated.

Basically my issue is my partner says a lot of stuff. He has said about giving me some percentage share in the house but it’s just pie in the sky?! His mother owns the house now. He’s unhappy with the situation too.

The father stuff isn’t such a problem.

So a legal agreement signed by the three of you setting out current and future shares/ provision. That way there is no ambiguity and everything is clear. Anything said verbally means jackshit. It needs to be in writing and signed by ALL parties.

Can you remind your DP about your financial vulnerability? If he (DP) were to die, you'd potentially be thrown out of the home
Take control and get proper legal advice. Don't wait for him to sort it - he's obviously not going to.

If he was unhappy with the situation he wouldn’t have allowed it to happen, or he is incredibly weak and does what his mother tells him.

Either way he is not prioritising or considering you in his decisions. You are also Making decisions hich do not involve him.

You don’t sound like a real couple, just two people who have a child.

The father stuff isn’t a problem for you - but it might be for your either half.

It doesn’t sound like a partnership.

Burying your head in the sand about the legal and financial problems wouldn’t be a good idea.

They may be from cultures where it is a duty to look after parents and that that is where each of them has therefore given their money but then I might have expected them t have married (which totally changes legal issues about assets etc) and they don't seem to be. So I am not sure.