Am i being daft?

[CCN2012]

First of all, I'm so sorry for a long post and also sorry if this isnt the right place to ask. I was married for 15 years, of that 15 years, approx 9 of them had (I now see) domestic violence involved. I have an injunction against him which ends in June. I have recently started having nightmates again, panicking if the dogs bark at the stairs when I'm in the kitchen (kitchen is in the basement). And I now feel very unable to cope as my 10 year old has confided that she feels suicidal. I am getting help for her, play therapy through DART and counselling through the GP's. My son attends survivor club with DART but is very protective. I've only just realised too that for years i think my husband was effectively raping me, I said no but he told me I was frigid and he was going to look elsewhere, or he would follow me around the house until I said yes so I gave up and for the final year I just let him have sex. My issue is that not only am I having nightmares, I am also very down at the moment. Am I normal or is there something wrong with me? This was the second abusive relationship ive been in. I've given up on relationships. I just want to know if anyone else has been through similar and when does this feeling of being under immense pressure end? Sorry again.

No real advice but I didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like a huge amount of trauma and it's no wonder you feel pressured and down. Have you accessed support for yourself as well as for the kids? So much internet love and hugs for you

Of course you're normal,but I think you might need a bit of help yourself. Some counselling may benefit you,not least to find out why you are so accepting of men who treat you so badly,and also you need help to find ways to cope with the anxiety you are naturally feeling so that it doesn't turn into full blown depression. Be kind to yourself and go talk to your GP as a first step op, do it for yourself and also for your kids who needs their mum to be strong and well. Best of luck

I am so very sorry at your horrible experience of abuse and that you and your children are going through such a difficult time. I am a child of DV, and have had some child and sexual abuse in my life. I can’t imagine living through what you have. Let me just say firstly, there is no normal or right way to deal with the aftermath of abuse. How you’re dealing with it and coping, is not unusual, there are other women who have struggled and are struggling. Sometimes it can help to know you aren’t alone, you’ve done nothing wrong and you are going to be okay. I know you can get through this.

Do you have anyone to talk to in your life? Or someone that can sit with you and hold you as you cry? It’s important that you can reach out and get a hug, perhaps a counsellor if you’re not ready to tell someone you know? I think the fact you’ve come here to share is very brave, it shows you have strength and you’re aware you need help. These are all positive signs. I found talking openly to my friends about my father and other abuses, helped a lot. I find meditation apps now help me with anxiety and mild depression too, so maybe that could help you? I also think some duvet days and lots of relaxing and trying to allow your body to physically relax, as you’d have held a lot of tension.

There are rape counselling services you can access. Do you feel comfortable talking to your GP?

With regards to your daughter, I totally get how frightening that is. My DD self harmed and had issues with suicide ideation. You’ve got her some help which is great. I also would suggest spending as much time with her as possible, having fun together, laughing, watching comedies, lots of cuddles. It really helped my DD and she’s now through her crisis and we are incredibly close.

I hope some of my words have helped. I hate to think of you alone and struggling. There are some fab women on Mumsnet who are very supportive so keep talking to us too. You can get through this, it’s hard and it’s painful, but you can do this. You deserve a peaceful happy life

Thankyou for replying, i really sppreciate it. I've stayed strong until now. I'm in the processes of getting a degree while going through all this and ive just failed one module which I think is what pushed me over the edge as I was managing (i think) until then having passed year one last year while working full time. I know its not unusual to do further education while working and I'm not special.

My daughter is very aggressive towards me and has hit me, but she suddenly broke down last week and admitted how she feels. My heart is breaking for her and I feel guilty for not seeing this before, I just thought she hated me for splitting up with her dad. Thank you again all of you, I will see if I can get some help for me too. I really appreciate your help.

You’re welcome. Remember, it’s ok to not cope for a while. You don’t have to be superwoman and you are actually dealing with a lot. Your daughter is lashing out because she’s sad and afraid, she can get through this too with love & support. Hang in there x